Chapter XXXIV: The Mission

Chapter XXXIV: The Mission 

“Alright, your mission, should you choose to accept it... oh, what am I saying? You don’t have a choice! Hahahaha!” Serge says. Everyone looks at each other, then back to Serge, annoyed. “You’re going into space to do some exploring, and make first contact, and if you need to, destroy any hostile species. Now, your positions are as follows: Ballester is the captain, Gorgax is co captain. Oigres is the science officer, Chimmy, you’re going to do the same thing you do here, you’re the security officer.” 

“Who’s gonna keep out intruders if I’m not here?” Chimmy asks. 

“I’ve got Plops on it, he can see the front gate from his position. Arizona, because of your blindness, I don’t expect you to do any battle, however your transport abilities will come in handy if your ship gets into a tight spot, so I hope you’ve honed your abilities.” 

“Yes sir, I have.” Arizona says. 

“Good, I hope you can do it under pressure. Anyway, your main job is communications.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Manboutu, you’re going on tactical since you got the highest score in the simulations.” 

“F**k yeah!” Manboutu says. 

“Nogal will be your engineer, he’s the most technical, especially since it was his designs that helped clean up the earth, which I’m happy to say is now at 97% clean, which is cleaner than it was before my accident.” 

“I’ve memorized the specs, sir, I know I can do it.” Nogal says. 

“Good. Now, Nyvar will be your doctor, hopefully she trained her staff adequately enough that they can do the job.” 

“Oh, I made sure they know their s**t.” Nyvar says. 

“Good. Now, communication with Earth will get spottier and spottier as you start to leave our solar system, so I’ve packed the ship with beacons that you will intermittently drop as soon as the signal starts to break up. Hopefully, no species will abduct or destroy them. Now, unlike on tv and in movies, ships can’t explode in space, as there is no oxygen. So, the ship is equipped with EMP weapons. One shot will shut a ship’s systems down for twenty four hours, every shot after will add another twenty four hours, but don’t shoot too much at once, because you’ll need time to recharge your weapons, especially since it takes energy from the ship to fire. If you empty your whole payload at once, the ship will shut down, and you’ll start to lose life support and such, so be careful, don’t get too trigger happy, Manboutu.” 

“Yes sir.” Manboutu says. 

“You’ve got everything you need on the ship: quarters, water tanks, food, weapons, and staff. Nogal, Nyvar, Oigres, Chimmy, you are department heads, you’ll have your own staff. Ballester and Gorgax are in charge of the ship, neither outranks the other, they make decisions together, understood?” 

“Yes sir.” Ballester and Gorgax say together. 

“If you come across any Galaxians, give them Earth’s coordinates so they can settle. If you come across any Zorkons, destroy them if they attack, although I’d like to see if we can come to some kind of agreement.” 

“Yes sir.” 

“Now, Gorgon supplied me with the star chart they use for their route, I want you to hit all these planets and give them the coordinates to Earth and explain to them that the Galaxians won’t be doing their route anymore. Along the way to these planets are several that the Galaxians never visited, but you will.” 

“Yes sir.” 

“The star charts are already programmed into the ship, all you have to do is follow the map. Drop the first beacon after you pass Pluto. I want you to stay in touch with me every day, so don’t forget to drop those beacons. There’s over a thousand in there, and have a range of 250 light years.” 

“Yes sir.” 

“Go ahead and familiarize yourself with the ship, you guys blast off in two days.” The group enters the spaceship. 

“Wow, it’s pretty cool in here.” Ballester says. 

“Yeah, let’s check out the bridge.” Gorgax says. They get to the bridge, and see two chairs side by side. 

“Does it matter which one we take?” 

“I think it does, one of them is slightly smaller, so that must be mine.” 

“Wow, look at the view, from up here you can see miles of land. It looks a lot better than it used to.” 

“You know, we have a whole ship to explore, why don’t we find our quarters? According to the map, it’s one level below us.” 

“Yeah, sure.” 

“You know, I haven’t scraped myself off in a week, wanna go for a dip?” 

“Oh hell yeah, let’s go!” They make their way through the hall until they find the captain’s quarters. They climb into the tank, and the psychedelic effects hit Ballester. They christen their room right away, because they’re a couple of horny beasts. After the effects wear off, they go back to exploring. 

“Babe, do you smell that?” 

“Yeah, it smells like s**t.” 

“Well, this ship WAS used to transport Shitbag and Scotts, so maybe the smell lingered.” 

“We should bring this up to Serge, maybe he knows for sure.” They leave the ship and head back into the lab. 

“...so you’ll be our first line of defense against any invaders, since you’re the most powerful. Hallester will be your backup.” Serge tells ! 

“Yes sir.” ! says. 

“What’s up, Ballester? Gorgax?” 

“The lower levels smell like absolute s**t, like when Shitbag was living here.” Ballester says. 

“I thought it had aired out by now.” 

“It smells like he’s still there.” 

“Alright, I’ll check it out.” Serge, Ballester, and Gorgax go on the ship, and search through the stench, looking for any sign of Shitbag. They finally find him in a cargo bay. “Shitbag, what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be on S**t Planet ruling over the Scotts!” 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” Shitbag says. 

“Well, looks like your first mission is dropping Shitbag off at S**t Planet. I hope the Scotts haven’t gone nuts without him.” 

“If it helps, I told them I was going to come back. I just wanted to see you guys again, I missed you all.” 

“You have a job to do, rule over the Scotts.” 

“Sorry, master.” 

“Stay here so you don’t stink up the place any more than you already have.” 

“Yes sir.” Serge locks the cargo bay doors. 

“What the f**k, man. Your first stop will be S**t Planet. There’s space suits for you guys, so you don’t have to deal with the stench.” 

“Thank you sir.” Ballester and Gorgax say. 

“They work for any planet with unbreathable atmosphere. There’s two different sets, one for humans, one for Galaxians. Luckily, your kids can choose which one they prefer since they’re a mix.” 

“Yes sir.” 

“There’s also escape pods in case of dire emergency, I’m hoping you don’t need them, this is the only ship we have until I modify the Zorkons’ ships. The Galaxians disassembled their ships to make dwellings, and recycled parts for this ship, so the Zorkon ships are the only ones left to work with. I really gotta do something about the temperature inside of them since it’s way too hot. I might have the Galaxians work on them since they can tolerate the temps more than us humans can.” 

“We’ll try our best to come back in one piece.” Ballester says. 

“Well, I don’t know how long this mission will take, so restock provisions when you can.” 

“Yes sir.” 

“Are you excited?” 

“Yes sir! Um...do you mind if we kill some Scotts while we’re on S**t Planet? It’s been so long.” 

“Yeah, go ahead, I’m sure there’s plenty that you won’t kill them all.” 

“Awesome!”  

“Just don’t kill them all, I’m still studying them.” 

“Ugh, fine.” 

“Anything else?” 

“Yeah, what’s Hallester going to do if he’s not joining us?” 

“Oh, I’m going to have him do some animal wrangling, see what else I can come up with besides a fire breathing bear and acid spitting deer.” 

“That job sounds like it sucks, glad I don’t have to do that.” 

“I can always have you guys switch jobs.” 

“Yeah, no, that’s okay, sorry I said anything.” 

“That’s what I thought. Anything else?” 

“Yeah, will Scorpious be there with us?” 

“As long as you stay in touch with Earth, yes.” 

“Sweet! You hear that, you crazy psycho? You’re gonna be with us!” 

“Yeah, I know.” I tell him. “Who else is going to document your exploits?” 

“Whatever.” 

“And don’t forget, I made S**t Planet your first stop.” 

“Oh...yeah...f**k!” M**********r thinks he’s so smart. 

“You guys should get to packing.” Serge tells everyone. Everyone splits off. “Only necessities, and one personal item only, I don’t want to hear ‘I lost my collection during a fight! Your stuff will be here when you get back. Your apartments will be sealed during your time up there. Oh, that reminds me, everyone! Everyone listen up! In the event of your death, leave detailed instructions and put them in my lab so we know what to do with your stuff, who to notify, etcetera, etcetera.” 

“Yes sir!” Everyone says at once. 

“Good, and good luck!” 

“You think they’re ready?” I ask Serge. 

“Yeah, they’ve been around for about a decade, fought plenty of enemies, I think it’s time for them to face a new challenge.” Serge says. 

“You know what? I agree with you. Let’s just hope Ballester’s temper doesn’t get in the way of their missions.” 

“That’s why I sent Gorgax with him, to keep him in check. If anyone can, it’s her.” 

“Yeah, that’s true.” 

“See you again tomorrow?” 

“I wouldn’t miss the big day for anything in the worlds.” 

“Haha, I see what you did there.”