Chapter XLIV: Magic Planet

Chapter XLIV: Magic Planet 

“Are you sure you wanna go down on this planet, what with the war going on?” Serge asks the crew. 

“Yeah, we don’t know what we’ll find, and besides, it’s our job, isn’t it?” Ballester asks. 

“Ok, but I want you all intact when your mission is over.” 

“Don’t worry, we already have a plan.” Gorgax tells Serge. 

“All right, have fun, I can’t wait to hear your report.” They land the ship in an empty field. “All right, who’s ready?” Oigres, Chimmy, Ballester, Gorgax, Manboutu and Arizona leave the ship. “I wish we were all immortal like Ballester and Oigres.” A flash of light occurs. 

“I wish I can see.” Arizona says. Another flash occurs.  “Hey, woah, I can see!” 

“Then that means the first wish must have come true.” Gorgax says. “Come on, let’s see who we can find.” They start walking, and after awhile, they hear a gruff voice. 

“Halt!” A grey, old, withered alien says. 

“Hi, I’m Gorgax, and this is my crew, this is-” 

“I do not care for your names!” The alien wizard says.  “What I do care is why you are here on this planet!” 

“We’re explorers, sir.” 

“Fools! There is a war going on, do you not know?” 

“Actually, we do, maybe there’s something that we can do to help.” Flashes of white and black go on in the background. 

“We have been trapped in this war for millenniums, any visitors we get end up choosing a side and fighting until they die!” 

“Well, we won’t die, because we wished we were immortal.” 

“It will wear off after a time, don’t you think that wish hasn’t been used by everyone?” 

“How long do we have?” 

“How long ago did you make the wish?” 

“About a half an hour ago.” 

“Then you have two and a half hours before it wears off. You will have no warning, so if you are fatally wounded, you will die.” 

“I’ll set a timer then.” Gorgax presses a few buttons on her wrist communications device. “There, now we’ll have a warning.” 

“Impressive technology, we have no such devices on the planet. Maybe you could help us after all.” 

“You mean to tell me that of all the ships that landed here, we’re the only ones who thought of setting a timer for our magic?” 

“Yes. Everyone else just goes straight to battle.” 

“So tell me about this war.” 

“Well, at first we were using our powers for the good of the planet. But absolute power corrupts, and some people wanted to rule the planet instead of being a shared community. After the first assassination, the war between good and evil started and has yet to stop.” 

“What side are you on?” 

“I’m part of a select group that refuses to fight anymore. Our numbers grow over time, unless we are discovered, then we are killed.” 

“So the evil side kills you?” 

“No, both sides see us as traitors, so we get killed upon discovery.” 

“How do they even know?” 

“We refuse to fight, even in self defense.” 

“Don’t you have any sense of self preservation?” 

“After awhile, it becomes exhausting.” 

“So, if everyone eventually gives up, how has the war been going on this long?” 

“Because of visitors like you who join in the fray. Very little of us were born on this planet, the rest are all alien to us.” 

“Are you a native?” 

“Yes I am, but unfortunately, there are still some of my fellow species that won’t give up the fight.” 

“Which side are they on?” 

“The light, but they are losing, as many have gotten so old.” 

“Wait, so what about the dark fighters?” 

“My people WERE part of the other side, but they all died off.” 

“So technically, if it wasn’t for the visitors, you’d have won a long time ago?” 

“Precisely.” 

“Well then, we’re gonna help you destroy the evil side.” 

“Oh, that would be great! The battlefield is over there.” He points in a direction, and the group heads in that direction. 

“Aren’t you coming with us?” 

“No, I’m not fighting, remember?” They head to the battlefield where a black wave flows over them, and knocks them on their asses. Gorgax’s watch beeps. 

“I wish we were immortal like Ballester and Oigres!” 

“I wish I could see again!” Arizona says. A light wave hits them. They reach the battlefield and step over many corpses and skeletons. The aliens resembling the old gray one are fighting what are clearly the visitors. 

“I wish the enemy would spontaneously explode!” Ballester says, as an enemy alien explodes. The exploded enemy reforms back to life by his ally. “S**t, this is going to take forever!” 

“Yeah, we need a way to streamline this!” Chimmy says. Ballester takes out his bazooka and blows up a chunk of the enemy, and they all die. Chimmy takes out his flamethrower, and Gorgax takes out her machine gun. Manboutu get suited up, and Arizona activates her psychic powers while Oigres prepares his grenades. They rush forth, blowing guys up, frying them, melting them, cutting them in half. Gorgax’s watch goes off again, and they make their wishes again. They end up slaughtering the entire opposing side. 

“Good, good, thank you so much!” The old alien says as he joins the group of similar aliens. “We’re so old, we’re tired from fighting for so long, now we can finally take over this planet!” 

“Isn’t this already your planet?” 

“Nope, we’ve been fighting them for millenniums for control of this planet, and after many, many visitors, you finally destroyed our enemy! Let the black magic come across the land!” A huge wave of black sweeps over the entire battlefield, making all of the dead into zombies. “Kill them.” The zombies and skeletons head towards Ballester and co. 

“S**t. S**t. F**k. F**k. F**k.” Ballester says. “How’s everyone doing on ammo?” Everyone agrees they’re low. “Arizona, keep them busy with rifts, we’ll be right back.” 

“Can’t you just wish for more?” Arizona asks. 

“Oh yeah! I wish our ammo was restocked! A light wave hits them, and they’re reloaded. They go back to destroying the corpses and skeletons, but the opposing aliens keep resurrecting them. 

“Go for the aliens!” Gorgax yells. Half takes on the aliens, while the other half takes care of the corpses and skeletons. 

“Wait, stop!” The alien from earlier shouts. “I surrender!” 

“Good.” Ballester says as he decapitates him. The zombies and skeletons fall over since the last alien is dead. Gorgax’s watch goes off. 

“I wish we were back on the ship!” Gorgax says. They all magically appear back on the ship. 

“Contact Serge, I’ll take the heat for this.” 

“We’re co captains, we’re in this together.” Gorgax says as she holds his hand. 

“Arizona?” 

“Sorry, I’m getting used to being blind again, where’s my station?” Arizona asks. 

“To your right, go forward, sit down.” 

“Thanks. Contacting Serge.” 

“Hello? Oh hey guys, how did it go?” Serge asks. 

“Uh, well, not so good.” Ballester answers. 

“Did you end the war?” 

“Yeah, we did.” 

“...and? Tell me!” 

“We killed everybody.” 

“Well, that was the goal, wasn’t it?” 

“Both sides.” 

“Both sides?” 

“Yeah, we basically committed genocide.” 

“Oh, no. No, no. Really?” 

“Yeah...” 

“What the f**k you guys?” 

“To be fair, we weren’t left much of a choice.” Gorgax says. 

“How so?” 

“Turns out the ‘good guys’ and the ‘bad guys’ were just fighting over control of the planet. When we beat the ‘bad guys’, it turns out the ‘good guys’ were actually the ‘bad guys’ and they tried to kill us, so we didn’t have much of a choice.” 

“Oh man, that’s a bummer.” 

“Yeah, so if demotions are in order, I understand...we understand.” 

“No, that won’t be necessary. I wasn’t aware of the full situation of the planet. Goddammit.” 

“Sorry boss.” 

“Whatever, how was the magic?” 

“It seems to be the energy of the planet.” Oigres says. It seems to pick up on intentions, and it’s unbiased. Positive magic sends out a light wave, negative magic sends out a dark wave. Who we thought were the good guys were sending out light waves, while the other ones were sending out dark waves, we thought we were fighting on the right side. I guess resurrection is dark magic, because that’s what was used to reanimate the corpses to fight us. My guess is that they kept that back and forth for years, killing and resurrecting each other for thousands of years. It wasn’t until we used our actual weapons and powers that we were able to cause significant damage.” 

“Man, what a clusterfuck.” 

“To be fair, we were tricked.” Ballester says. 

“Tricked?” 

“Yeah, one of the ‘good guys’ told us a sob story that made us feel sympathetic towards the cause.” 

“I really thought you guys were smarter than that.” 

“It wasn’t a matter of us being dumb, just gullible. Goddamn, I’ve gotten soft in my old age. Years ago, I would have blown that f****r’s head off without a second thought.” 

“That wouldn’t have helped either. Drop a plasma field over the planet, it’s too dangerous to be left alone, vulnerable for anyone to just take.” 

“Manboutu?” Manboutu presses a button, and a plasma wire chain link orb surrounds the planet.