Chapter LIV: Sallone Family Hunting Trip

Chapter LIV: Sallone Family Hunting Trip 

“Is everyone packed and ready to go?” Ballester calls out as he packs the rest of the huge multi seated, multi wheeled armored, weaponed truck. 

“YEAH!” Everyone shouts enthusiastically, except Nyvar, who has a large medical case. 

“I’m only coming for the welfare of the family, I’m still not going to hunt any Scotts.” 

“I know sweetie, you say that every year.” Ballester says. 

“It’s so you know I’m still never going to change my mind.” 

“Even though it’s totally ok to kill them?” 

“It just seems barbaric. They’re just trying to survive out here, they’re just like animals, and you hunt them for sport.” 

“Well, they’re genetically modified now, so they do pose a threat this time. Me and Sallester took out some pretty dangerous ones. They just...kept multiplying.” Ballester stares off into the distance. He snaps out of it. “All right, let’s go!” He takes the driver's seat and starts up the vehicle and starts driving. “All right, I’m going to warn you guys, these are no ordinary Scotts this year. We’re going up against mutants, so it’s not about body count anymore, now it’s about working as a team.” 

“Got it!” Everyone says. 

“Ah, I love my little military family, don’t you?” He asks Gorgax. 

“Yeah, it’s like we’re our own army. The Sallone Army!” 

“I like the sound of that, babe.” They kiss. Mollyester gets annoyed at it. 

“Where’s my sugar, Ward?” Mollyester asks. 

“You know I changed my name to Ballester, and I can’t right now, I’m driving. Besides, you should be buckled, the terrain gets kind of rough, we’re gonna be bouncing all over the place.” Mollyester sits back in her seat and buckles up just as they hit a big bump that would have sent her head crashing into the roof had she not been strapped in. 

“Mom, don’t worry, once we get to Scott killing, you can take out your frustration on them, ok?” Sallester says. 

“Whatever.” 

“Hey Molly, I’m still available.” Hallester leans over and tells her. 

“Ugh, Hal, you’ve always been hitting on me, but I guess since your brother doesn’t care anymore, f**k it, why not?” 

“You won’t regret it, doll.” 

“Mom, are you really gonna date uncle Hal? Isn’t that kind of weird? He’d be my uncle and stepdad at the same time.” 

“I don’t give a s**t.” She takes a gulp from a flask she has hidden in her purse, also stocked with guns and ammo. 

“Did you take any enhancements that Serge offered?” 

“No, I don’t want to be another freak.” 

“I got some work done.” 

“What did he do to you?!” 

“Replaced my skeleton and adjusted my skin so I’m pretty much invincible.” 

“Oh wow, maybe I will get something done. Maybe he can do some plastic surgery on me while he’s at it, I look like I’m the oldest person here, but that’s your new stepdad uncle.” 

“Ugh, good thing I’m already an adult, cause as a kid, I don’t think I’d be able to wrap my head around this, it’s already hard to grasp now.” 

“Eh, quit your whining.” 

“Sure, ma.” 

“We’re almost at the rendezvous.” Ballester says. He slows down the truck and keeps his eye out for Scotts. “There’s the net. Alright, everyone out.” Everyone gets out of the truck. He c***s his gun. “Alright, let’s start looking- wait, is that?” He walks over to the net, and there’s a dead Scott in it. “Guess not all of them survived the trip here, huh? Stupid thing.” He kicks it, and walks toward the family. The Scott gets up, and runs towards Ballester, biting him. “Ah, son of a b***h! He shoots it in the head, blowing it up. He rubs his neck. “Ah, that stings, Nyvar, check it out, will ya?” Nyvar approaches Ballester and looks at the bite mark, which begins to glow. 

“Something was wrong with that Scott, your bite mark is glowing!” 

“What color?” 

“Red, it’s mixed with your blood.” Nyvar says. She rifles through her case, finds a bottle of zombie antidote, and puts some on a swab. She cleans his wound, and the bite mark stops glowing. 

“Thanks, sweetie.” 

“You’re welcome dad, you guys are the reason I come on the yearly hunting trip. Without me, you’d be dead.” 

“Alright, stop rubbing it in! We have more Scotts to kill. But you see what I mean how they’re mutated?” 

“Good thing I studied classic literature and tv shows and games, because I used to wonder, ‘what if it was real?’ So, I applied my medical knowledge to certain scenarios, and made special medicine based on whatever. Zombie bites, werewolf bites, vampire bites, possessions, ghosts, poltergeists, radiation, a variety of illnesses, trust me, I’m prepared.” 

“Thanks, sweetie.” 

“No problem, dad. Now, let’s go do your thing, I’ll provide medical care for anyone who needs it. Everyone got their trackers on?” Everyone switches their trackers on, and the truck beeps. “Ok, I can monitor all of your vital signs from inside the truck. If you need me, press the button on the screen until it turns red and beeps, it should only take a second. Everyone test it now.” Everyone presses their trackers and they start beeping. “Double tap the screen to turn it off.” They do. “Have, uh, fun.” Everyone splits off into pairs except Ballester. Mollyester and Hallester go one way, Oigres and Sallester go another, and so does Nogal and Gorgax in yet another direction. 

“So, bulletproof skin, huh?” Mollyester asks Hallester. 

“And super speed.” 

“Does that mean you come quick too?” 

“Actually, Serge took care of that while he was modifying my body, he actually reversed it so I actually last way longer.” 

“Hmm...I wonder what modifications I can get, and what job Serge will give me.” 

“If you want, you can be an exterminator like me and Ballester.” 

“Can we go together?” 

“Yeah. It’s actually encouraged to help build teamwork. Look, Scott, dead ahead.” There’s Scott, sitting on the ground, bashing his balls with a rock. “You want this one?” 

“Sure.” Mollyester takes the guns out of her bag, loads them and just lays right into him. Completely bullet ridden, Scott stands up, and the bullets fall right off. Suddenly, Scott begins to swell, and he’s ten feet tall by five feet wide. She reloads and shoots him again, but the bullets are just absorbed, and fall to the ground. “S**t.” Hallester takes out his grenade launcher, and blows a chunk off the Scott, who’s just basically an immovable object, so Hallester ends up blowing him up piece by piece, and then he blows up the pieces on the ground to clear the way to continue exploring. 

“You know what’s funny?” Oigres asks Sallester. 

“What’s up?” Sallester answers. 

“I thought I was the oldest Sallone child, and then boom, you show up.” 

“Sorry dude, not like I did it on purpose.” 

“No, you’re right, I’m sorry, I was just proud of being the oldest.” 

“Well, you’ll always be the oldest in your family.” 

“Whatever.” Hey look, it’s Scott. There’s a Scott in the middle of a field, just constantly shitting. Oigres rolls a tear gas grenade at the Scott, who picks it up and looks directly into the smoke. Sallester takes a bazooka, and shoots the Scott, who explodes in a splattering of s**t. 

“Well, that was easy.” The s**t comes together, and forms a Scott shaped pile of s**t. 

“Well, s**t.” 

“Exactly. Thoughts?” 

“Well, all we have to do-” Oigres grunts as he picks up the flamethrower. “-is roast him. Anything physical will just spray him anywhere. If we dry him up, he can’t move.” 

“You’re smart, dude.” 

“Thanks, I get it from my mother.” 

“Yeah, dad’s not really the sharpest sometimes, but ya gotta give him credit, he gets s**t done. Speaking of done s**t.” He blows the flamethrower on S**t Scott. Oigres also grabs a flamethrower and joins Sallester in burning S**t Scott to ash. They even burn the ash, just to make sure. “This is fun.” 

“I enjoy doing it every year.” 

“I can see why. Let’s see if we can find more, little brother!” 

“Sure thing, big bro.” 

“So, what are you doing now that you’re not a spaceship engineer anymore?” Gorgax asks Nogal. 

“Oh, I am, I’m helping Serge get it ready, along with 101 for a future space mission.” Nogal replies. 

“Oh, I’m not really sure I’m prepared to go back into space again, I’m enjoying my time on Earth.” 

“Oh don’t worry, The Spinoff won’t be ready for quite a few years.” 

“Oh ok, good. Still feels like we JUST got back. I enjoyed it, don’t get me wrong, but it’s nice being home again.” 

“Relax mom, I totally understand. Look, there he is.” They come across a Scott blowing himself while shitting. Nogal charges him, and uses his swords to slice through, but instead, he ended up with sticky Scott skin all over his blades. “Ah s**t, ideas?” She shoots it, but it’s just absorbed and stuck on him. Scott points his shitting a*s at them and they move out of the way. Gorgax switches guns. 

“Corrodium.” 

“Brilliant.” Nogal switches his current blades to the Corrodium blades and starts hacking away at the Scott, burning him with the acidic, metallic blades, while Gorgax is shooting him. “Man, this is some really sticky stuff!” 

“Leave it to Serge, huh?” 

“My thoughts exactly.” After about another half an hour of slicing and dicing and shooting, they finally reduce the puddle, evaporating it. “Wanna see if we can find any more?” 

“Sure!” Meanwhile, Ballester isn’t having any luck finding a Scott anywhere. 

“Aw, man, what the f**k? I wanted to kick some Scott a*s today.” He comes across a giant tail, when he follows it up with his eyes, he sees it’s attached to a giant Scottasaurus. The Scottasaurus is trying to masturbate, but can’t because it’s tiny arms can’t reach its giant boner, so it starts roaring in anger and frustration. Ballester gets his rocket launcher ready, and he’s about to shoot, when he suddenly explodes. The noise startles the Scottasaurus, who turns around quickly and breaks a tree with its boner. It starts running towards the forest until it comes upon the net, where Nyvar is helping a newly respawned Ballester out of the truck. Mollyester comes out of the woods laughing. 

“Ha ha! I blew you up!” Mollyester says. 

“Yeah? Look what you attracted!” He points to the Scottasaurus. “This was supposed to be my kill, but I guess if you guys want to help, I guess I can’t stop you.” Eventually, the whole family reunites, but they let Ballester have his kill. After about five or six missiles, he finally causes enough damage for the Scottasaurus to fall over dead. Everyone cheers, but as they are, the Scottasaurus ejaculates and s***s at the same time, getting them all. Gross. Mollyester sticks a Corrodium grenade in Ballester’s mouth and walks away.