Chapter LVI: Scott Ching

Chapter LVI: Scott Ching 

“Serge said it should be around here somewhere.” Ballester tells Gorgax. 

“Just listen for it.” Gorgax tells him. 

“I hate that sound though.” 

“Me too, but it’s still a Scott. Maybe it’ll be easier to kill than we thought.” 

“I hope so, I wanna cross it off and make sweet, sweet f**k to your glory holes.” 

“Did you just say ‘make f**k’?” 

“Shut up, no, you know what I mean.” 

“You definitely did.” 

“I said shut up.” 

“Fine, I know what I heard.” 

“I know you did, now shut up.” 

“Well yes, sir.” 

“Hey babe, I think I’m hallucinating.” 

“Really?” 

“I could have sworn I saw a white bug that looked kinda like a praying mantis walk right by me and melted and disappeared.” 

“Dude, what are you fucked up on?” 

“Just weed, I swear.” I say. 

Anyhoo, where the f**k was I? Oh, right, they’re looking for the Scott Ching, which is essentially a ching sized Scott face with the smiley and razor teeth and everything. Except instead of laser beams out of his eyes, it’s s**t, and instead of explosives, it drops canisters of farts. They finally come across it, and are smothered within seconds with s**t. 

“Any ideas, hun?” Ballester asks. 

“Well, it ate the Corrodium bomb no problem, and your EMP’s didn’t do s**t.” 

“What if we shoved the s**t back into its mouth?” 

“I’ll try anything.” 

“I know.” Ballester smirks as he grabs an armful of s**t and flings it back at the Scott Ching which instead grows bigger. “Fuuuuck.” Ballester s***s into his own hand and flings it at the Scott, damaging it. “Uh, babe?” 

“Yes?” 

“My s**t is toxic to them. Try your s**t.” 

“But I don’t have to for another eleven hours, sorry.” Ballester smears it all over Scott’s face, slowly deleting him. Every time Ballester runs out, he replenishes himself and goes back to smearing. Soon, the Scott Ching is defeated. And Ballester is covered in his own s**t. Hahahahahahaha this amuses me. *Strokes beard* His wife won’t f**k him now that he’s covered in s**t, guess he’ll have to hit those ‘glory holes’ some other time. Doesn’t matter, cause boom, there’s another Scott Ching, version 2. This one cums acid. Oh, and it’s adapted to the s**t. 

“Oh what the f**k now?” He pisses on it, but that just makes it grow larger. Hah, look at stupid Ballester, shooting at it, thinking it’ll have some effect, when really, it’s just absorbing the shots. See, Scott Chings don’t make a ‘ching’ sound, rather its’s a ‘duh’ imitating the ‘ching’ sound. Ballester takes out his phone and calls Oigres. “Hey, it’s your dad, how do we defeat the stupid Scott Ching? Once. Uh huh, uh huh, and you helped in the development of this knowing your parents were the ones doing it all? I see...Well then, glad we could do our part. Alright, see you later, love you.” 

“Are you showing emotion towards our children?” 

"Always will.” 

“So, did he say how we kill this f*****g thing?” 

“Yeah...” 

“And?” 

“We have to f**k it to death.” 

“How do we do that?” 

“Oigres says there’s a phallus on the back of it for you to ride for dear life while I attempt the shut down with my dick in the pleasure center.” 

“The pleasure center?” 

“Yeah, it’s like the vagina I guess on this thing. Only thing he wouldn’t tell me was where it’s located, but knows I’m not gonna like it.” 

“This phallus is smaller than yours.” 

“Well, yeah, Scott’s got a tiny dick.” 

“I’ll attempt to manage.” 

“Now where in the hell is the- oh- oh no. Oh no, no, no.” 

“What?” Gorgax grunts as she gets herself on the d***o. 

“It’s in the back of his throat.” 

“Oh, babe, I’m sorry to hear that.” Every attempt left him shredded, mangled, dismembered, thesaurus. You know, cause of the teeth? Anyway, after about an hour, Gorgax is wearing down the Scott to where his teeth start to slow down. 

“Keep it up, babe! Faster!” Soon, she is going so fast, her genitals start to glow, and the teeth stop completely. Ballester takes his boner, shoves it in the back of the throat, and shuts it down. “The rest is all yours!” She hops off of the d***o and onto his boner, which was sucked in immediately. A few hours later, they’re still lying naked in the woods. 

"Guys, come on, seriously?” Serge’s voice is heard over the intercom. This wakes them up. They get dressed and head back to the lab, encountering a random normal Scott along the way, with each grabbing a half, twisting his body, and ripping him in twain. Yes, they’re that strong. In case you forgot, both have superior strength with dead lifts, benches and so on in excess of one million pounds. “So, did you have fun with the Scott Ching?” 

“NO!” Ballester yells. 

“Yes.” Gorgax says quietly. 

“I’ll bet that montage of you losing your junk and being cut up and demolished and s**t was funny.” Serge says. 

“You probably have a copy.” Ballester says. 

“Of course! It’s hilarious!"  

“I think my junk needs a rest. Do you mind if I take my brother tomorrow?” 

“Fine, but you’re mine once you’re back in commission.” Gorgax says. 

“No complaints from me.” 

“I suppose you’ll have your brother do the dirty work?” 

“Hah, yeah, he always complains he never gets to do anything. Boy is he going to love this one.” 

“I’m actually glad I’m avoiding that one, who knows what it could mean when it comes to Scott?” 

“I don’t know, but hopefully it won’t be too bad. 

“Come on, let’s take a bath.” 

“But babe-” 

“If you relax your body instead of moving it, the toxins will have a calming effect instead of a stimulating one. Remember, it’s activated by my toxins. If I’m calm, you will be calm, and you can go on the trip of a lifetime.” 

“That actually sounds nice, why am I just finding this out now?” 

“You’re not, it’s the first time I’ve explained it, I’ve let soothing chemicals go before.” 

“Oh, come to think of it. Neat, so that’s how that works.” 

“Come on, bath time.” They get into their large tank and soak. Ballester sits back, and takes a colorful, fun trip. By the time he wakes up, he’s never felt happier in his life. 

“I don’t remember it being that strong.” 

“Haha, you say that every time.” 

“I actually don’t feel like going anywhere tomorrow.” 

“Well, you didn’t use up all your back from space vacation days, why don’t you take one or two?” 

“Yeah, all right.” 

“Approved.” Serge says over the intercom. 

“So, what do you plan to do?” Gorgax asks. 

“I don’t know, really, probably just party my veins off.” Ballester says. 

“Ok, but be careful with the heroin, you don’t wanna sleep your days away.” 

“Good point. Well, how about we do some meth together? Your pupils shine so brightly when you’re on it.” 

“Ooh, can we do another project together?” 

“Hell yeah, what did you have in mind?” 

“A house separate from the lab.” 

“No.” Serge says over the intercom. 

“S**t.” 

“Don’t worry, we’ll think of something to do while my junk is recuperating.” Ballester says. 

“You know, if you die, we won’t have to wait.” 

“You’re sick! And that’s why I love you!” He runs out of the apartment, into Serge’s lab, and jumps into the Grinder and wakes up in his bed. “Hey babe, I’m back!” 

“Good! Now let’s do drugs and bang!” 

“Wooooo!” Drugs affect every species differently. While Ballester is banging wildly, Gorgax is experiencing time in fast forward, while she appears slow to everyone else. So, that was day one. Day two was rest day. Day three, they did stuff as a throuple. Yes, a throuple. Mollyester is included in every romantic activity, and she’s always a picky pain in the a*s. Ballester tries telling Gorgax that Mollyester is acting that way on purpose, and that Gorgax should give up trying to have a relationship with her, but Gorgax is insistent. Hell, one day, Ballester stepped out of the shower and right onto a land mine. Mollyester really hates him.  

Well, see, here’s how it is. Back when I first introduced Mollyester at some point in my scribbles, she was the same way, she was an absolute c**t who was jealous of Ballester’s relationship with his son Sallester, especially considering he abandoned them and hates her back. It will end the same way it did in the comic. So, when you see what she does, remember I told you, it happened the same way in the comic. This novelization is slightly different as Gorgax didn’t exist, but the same basic thing is going on. At first, her name was gonna be ‘Mollester’, and even at fourteen I realized that’s a terrible name, so that’s why she’s Mollyester. I don’t know why I wanted all their names to match, probably because they were stick figures, and the only way to tell them apart is by bandana, hers was a broken heart, Sallester’s was striped, Ballester’s was blank, and Hallester’s had a skull with crossbones on it. Yeah, I know it seems like I’m rambling, but I’ve said it before, a good portion of this story is pulled from the long lost original comics. I don’t remember all the details, but there are some things I never forgot, and how much of a jealous b***h Mollyester is was one of them. She’s also crazy in case you hadn’t noticed. Anyway, despite her attitude, she still enjoyed the threesomes, which pissed Hallester off, of course because he thought she was still with him. Sounds like a soap opera... Anyway, Scorpious out. Back to the story. 

So, on Ballester’s last day off, he’s just watching tv and scratching his balls when Mollyester comes in. “Why do you love her more than me?” Mollyester asks. 

“Really? How can you not tell? I ran away from you and you still found me. I hate you, but I’m forced to love you because my life partner loves me and she loves you so I have to love you.” Ballester says. 

“I see.” She walks out. Ballester calls his brother.  

“Yo bro, you ready?”