Chapter LIX: Animal Scotts

Chapter LIX: Animal Scotts 

“So, you wanna come with us?” Ballester asks Mollyester. 

“Why do you want me to go with you so badly?” she asks. 

“Hey, you’re the one that’s always complaining you don’t get to do nothing.” 

“Fine, what are we hunting?” 

“Scott/animal hybrids.” 

“Woah, that actually sounds like fun! I’ll grab some tranquilizers, Ballester, do you need anything?” 

“What do ya got?” 

“Whatever you left last time you were here.” Ballester looks, and finds drugs and does them. 

“F**K YEAH! LET’S DO THIS!” 

“Classy as always.” They leave Mollyester’s room and head to the lab, where Serge is waiting. 

“As you may or may not have remembered... I had a face swapped cat named Quonquonquin cat who I actually traded for you, Manboutu.” 

“Yeah, I remember.” Manboutu says. 

“So, I decided to do the same thing with other animal species and spliced genes with Scott and bears, and tigers, deer, wolves, and a few more ferocious things. Once you step in, you can’t come out until you’ve killed all 50. There will be a force field over the entrance to the back that won’t go down until everything is dead. They’re abominations anyway, wait till you see them. I must have been tripping pretty hard to come up with them, just you wait.” He starts laughing maniacally. 

“I’m starting to reconsider guys...” Mollyester says. 

“Oh come on, don’t tell me you’re bitching out on us.” Ballester says. 

“Oh f**k you, move!” 

“Ballester, you have a question?” Serge asks. 

“If they kill themselves, does that still count as part of the 50?” 

“Unfortunately for me, yes.” 

“I just figured, with them being Scotts and all...” 

“Yeah...I know, just get out there.” Serge ushers the three of them outside, and sets up the force field, which projects the number ‘48’ in the sky. “Look at that, two of them are already dead, you kill an average of sixteen each, you’ll be done in no time.” They start moving forward. They come across two dead Scott birds that apparently crashed into each other. 

“This is gonna be easy.” Ballester says, as a Scott bear comes out of nowhere and decapitates him. It breathes fire as Manboutu gets closer to it. Mollyester pops a couple caps in the bears head, knocking it for a loop. Manboutu shoots the bear with the acid from his suit, and the bear melts into a puddle of acid. Ballester shows up behind them. “My respawn location is out here instead of inside the complex, isn’t that just wonderful? Ballester says cheerily but sarcastically. 

“What do you mean?” Mollyester asks him. 

“Oh! Uh, just noticing Serge takes care of every precaution.” 

“Almost like he doesn’t want us to leave.” 

“Yeah, wouldn’t you know it?” Ballester says unenthusiastically, as he lights a family of Scott squirrels on fire with his flamethrower. “Manboutu, kill that pond of Scott frogs.” 

“I’m putting you out of your misery.” Manboutu sniffles as he guns down the Scott frogs. A couple of Scott wolves comes and grabs Mollyester, who starts screaming, but Ballester ignores her. “Hey, don’t you hear that? It sounds like she needs our help, they’re dragging her away!” Soon, the screams stop echoing. 

“Hear that?” 

“No.” 

“Wonderful, isn’t it?” 

“Dude, she’s gonna die!” 

“Yeah, probably.” 

“Well, don’t you wanna go after her?” 

“Nah.” He fires a bazooka and blows up an acid spitting Scott deer that was coming up behind him. 

“Oh, now I see what you’re doing. Do you really hate her that much?” 

“It’s mutual.” 

“Then why does she insist on joining you everywhere?” 

“Because I’m f*****g five and need a f*****g babysitter because apparently I’m not allowed to be around my kid without her spying on me, so I quick grab him when I can, and Gorgax just doesn’t fucking care. As long as she wants to be part of the family, she’s allowed. During the conversation, they’re picking off Scott animals. 

“Dude, that sucks.” 

“Yeah, hopefully those wolves are having her for dinner.” 

“Saving them for last?” 

“Gonna try” He starts firing at the water, killing the Scott fish inside. 

“What if they don’t eat her?” 

“F**k it, I tried.” He shrugs as he kills the last one. “How many are left?” They look at the sky: 7. They follow the path the wolves took, and comes across a huge a*s Scott wolf. It starts barking, snarling, and growling. Manboutu just shoots it in the head with his acid, dissolving it. 

“Six.” On the way, they see a Scott tiger chewing on its own balls. Ballester chucks a few grenades, killing it. “5.” 

“Technically, three. We know two of them are wolves.” 

“We don’t know that, maybe she killed them, we don’t know.” 

“S**t, that’s a good point.” Suddenly, a Scott unicorn shows up, gores its own stomach with its horn, and dies. 

“Scott is stupid no matter what form he takes on, huh? Four.” 

“Yeah, well, that’s Scott for you.” Soon, they come across a Scott monkey. As soon as it sees them approaching, it immediately starts masturbating. 

“Do we- do we let him finish?” 

“F**k no.” Ballester says as he shoots the Scott monkey in the head. 

“Three.” 

“Why are you keeping count? The number is right there in the sky.” 

“Sorry, we’re close, and I’m excited.” They reach a den. “This must be their home.” 

“No s**t, Sherlock.” Soon, they come across the two wolves, and while Ballester blows one up, Manboutu melts the other one. 

“About time you two showed up.” Mollyester says. 

“You didn’t kill each other?” Ballester asks. 

“No, they just wanted someone to play with. As soon as we got here, they started bringing me things for me to throw. Not the brightest predator...” 

“Well, it IS Scott...” 

“Who the f**k is Scott?” 

“He’s a moron who got cloned. These were animal versions of him.” 

“One.” Manboutu says. “No, that can’t be right...” He counts on his fingers all the Scotts they came across. “Um, Ballester?” 

“What’s up?” 

“We’re short a Scott.” 

“Yeah, I know.” 

“And that doesn’t bother you?” 

“Of course it does, I was hoping to be done.” 

“What if she’s the last one?” 

“What? What do you mean?” 

“She went missing, and was friends with the Scott wolves?” 

“Hmm, that’s a good point.” Ballester points his gun at Molleyester. 

“What are you doing?” Mollyester asks. 

“I should have known you were a Scott.” Ballester tells her. 

“I’m not a Scott, dumbass.” 

“Then why does the counter still say one?” 

“Because you obviously didn’t kill them all.” 

“Exactly.” Ballester c***s his gun. “Give me a good reason not to kill you right now.” 

“Because I’m not Scott. Do I look like Scott? Do I sound like Scott? Am I shitting on the floor like Scott?” 

“No...” 

“I’m sure the last one is around �"ew, what’d I just step in? A flat Scott slug is on the bottom of her foot. “Ugh, at least we know we’re done.” They leave the den, and go to leave to go back into the lab. “You left me to die, you m**********r!” She pistol whips Ballester. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Took you long enough, hoped the wolves would eat me?” 

“Kinda, yeah.” 

“I f*****g hate you!” 

“Then why are you always around?” 

“Because I still have feelings for you!” 
“Oh come on with this s**t, I’m outta here.” Ballester heads back into the lab. “How’d we do?” 

“It was close: 24-23-1, you.” Serge tells him. 

“I won?” 

“I guess. I think the suicides were split evenly to help the balance.” 

“Still, cool.” 

“I guess.” 

“So, Sallester brought up a good point. Why spend your time with these experiments if we’re just going to kill them anyway?” 

“That’s an experiment.” 

“Oooohhh!” 

“Yup.” 

“How dare you leave me to die!” Mollyester yells as she gets to the lab. 

“I was focused on the mission.” Ballester tells her. 

“Mmhmm, sure, I believe that.” 

“Besides, we weren’t sure where the wolves took you to. We weren’t sure if we’d find you or them alive back there. Turns out, it was both.” 

“You’re so full of s**t, now I see why you asked me to come along, you were hoping I’d get killed and eaten!” 

“Oh, you’re being ridiculous, now.” 

“No, I swear that’s what’s going on.” 

“Wow, you’re really paranoid in your old age.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Did I stutter?” 

“You’re such a b*****d!” She slaps him and leaves. 

“Now, how could I not want THAT around?” 

“She’s really cramping your style, I was actually glad to be away from her out there.” Manboutu says. 

“Ugh, I know, she’s like an itch you can’t scratch.” 

“Maybe she’ll get the hint one day.” 

“Oh man, I hope so.” She comes back and angrily empties a clip into his head.