Chapter LXII: Scott Ladder

A Chapter by Scorpious Alpha

Ballester is wandering around looking for his current target, when he sees a Scott nail his dick to a tree. He pulls, and rips his dick right off, then he explodes. “Huh.” He keeps walking, and sees a Scott hang himself, and when he does, he bursts into flames. “The f**k?” He comes across a Scott eating s**t fresh from a pig’s a*****e. He comes across another Scott who’s playing in a mound of horse shit and eating it. They make out and end up sixty nining in the s**t, and they end up stuck together. Then, more Scotts grow out of the current Scotts, who also end up connecting together, and become a giant ladder of Scotts. “What in the absolute f**k?” They all start shitting at the same time, raining it all over Ballester. “Yuck, what the f**k?” He starts shooting at it, but every time he takes out a rung, another one grows, and it gets taller and taller. He starts chucking grenades, breaking it, but it still has no effect as it starts replicating at a quicker rate. Soon, the Scott ladder is taller than the tallest tree around them. “How the f**k am I supposed to kill this thing? Figures the one day I get to fight one by myself, and it’s hard as f**k to kill.” He takes a flamethrower and burns the bottom Scotts, who crumble, but are just as easily replaced. “Fucking f**k s**t f**k!” He takes the laser gun, shoots it, and the entire thing disintegrates at once. “Well, that was a little too easy...” Ballester heads back to the lab. “Really? Weakness is disintegration?”

“I knew it’d be your last resort. How tall did he get?”

“At least 150 feet, maybe more.”

“Damn, you really did not want to use the laser gun, didn’t you?”

“Sorry, I’m more of the lead bullet type.”

“I know, you’re too predictable.”

“What did you think my name means? Ballester = Ballistic. I just had my family follow a rhyme scheme, their names don’t mean anything like mine does.”

“So what about ‘Sallone’?”

“People told me I looked like Sylvester Stallone but without the brain damage, so I cut my hair, but adopted ‘Sallone’ because it’s kind of a compliment, I like his movies, after all. But I don’t want to claim myself as ‘Stallone’ out of respect for him, cause then people are gonna ask if we’re related, so I changed it slightly so as not to confuse people. Besides, I hated ‘Burns’, and I especially hated ‘Ward’. So when I joined the military, I changed my name at the same time. That’s how Mollyester and Sallester and Gorgax and the other kids ended up with ‘Sallone’ instead of ‘Burns’.”

“You hated your name so much you changed it completely?”

“Yup.”

“What did your parents think?”

“Wouldn’t know, they died when me and Hallester were real young, I barely remember them. I figured that was reason enough to change my name. Hallester changed his last name to mine so we could stay brothers, he looked out for me when we were kids, so when I told him I was changing my name, he decided to do it too, but he refused to add the ‘lester’ part officially, that’s why I asked you to add it as part of his memory. He was too stubborn. Why didn’t you do it to Mollyester, and what the f**k did you do to her? I just remembered I’m pissed at you for installing the Maneater!”

“Ahahahahaha!”

“What’s so f*****g funny?”

“I didn’t think she’d actually want that, it was a joke suggestion, but she really wanted it installed, and I forgot about the name thing, sorry.”

“That thing ate me! Her p***y f*****g ate me! I didn’t come back to life until all of my bones passed back out her vagina! She ate my brain! She’s a f*****g psychopath!”

“Holy s**t, all of that happened?”

“Yes!”

“Ahahahahahahahahaha!”

“That’s why I’m trying to get rid of her! And then you go and make her even deadlier!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, hehehe.” Serge is laughing so hard he’s crying. He wipes his eyes with his shirt, chuckling. “That’s great, who even thinks of this s**t?” Um...

“What the f**k am I supposed to do about her? I can’t kill her, Sallester and Gorgax would never forgive me, both for different reasons, and she kills me any chance she gets. I’ve been keeping count, so if she goes over, then I’ll kill her for not honoring the deal.”

“Sounds like quite the pickle.”

“Do something about it.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because, she doesn’t want to, I’m not going to force her.”

“I thought you were the Ultimate Ruler?”

“I am, and I think she’s a lesson you need to learn. Besides, without her, you have no chance at maintaining a normal relationship with your son.”

“Yeah, which is why something accidentally needs to happen to her in a way that I’m clearly not to blame.”

“No, I’m not going to murder her for you.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t do other people’s dirty work, they do mine.” Serge’s eyes flash red momentarily.

“Alright, fine.”

“So, watcha up to now that you disintegrated Ladder Scott?”

“Yeah, that was f*****g weird, how do you come up with this crazy s**t?”

“I’m insane.”

“Clearly.” Deja vu.

“So, what do you plan on doing now?”

“Got any more Scotts for me?”

“Well, you could start looking for that smart one again. Or, you could look for a different smart one?”

“Well, turns out, Galaxians come in a variety of intelligence just like humans do. So, I took a poll of all the adult Galaxians, and as it turns out, their dumbest isn’t even that dumb, just by their standards. Seriously, not a knuckle dragger in the whole bunch. Anyway, I cross bred their dumbest alien with a Scott, and now Alien Scott is out there if you wanna get him, or the escapee from last night, your choice.”

“Wait, so he’d look like one of my kids?”

“In a sense, yeah, has Ruzal’s you know, facial structure with the alien body and head with alien sized human eyes and human skin, except it’s got Scott’s face instead of yours.”

“And it’s smart?”

“The smartest known Scott.”

“What if it IS Ruzal?”

“It’s not, I engineered this one myself.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, sorry dude.”

“I guess I’ll hunt the Alien Scott tomorrow. I’ll bring Gorgax with me, we haven’t done a little one on one in a little while.”

“Sure.”

“See ya tomorrow, boss.”

“Yeah.” Ballester makes his way back to his room where Gorgax and Mollyester are in the living room chatting.

“Oh, there he is, hey babe!” Gorgax says.

“Did you miss us?” Mollyester asks as she stands up and gives him a kiss.

“Uh, what’s going on here?” Ballester asks.

“We were just getting to know each other better. After all, we are the mothers to your kids.” Mollyester says.

“That’s fine- that's ok, I guess.” He says in a daze.

“You’re just in time for dinner.” Gorgax and Mollyester go into the kitchen and get plates and food and serve Ballester.

“Am I dreaming or something?”

“No, we were just talking about how much we each love you, and the similarities and differences, and we both want to be in your life, so I’ll do what it takes.”

“I’m not sure I believe you.”

“Isn’t this proof enough?”

“Go ahead.” Gorgax says. I kept an eye on her the whole time, and I helped make it dear. Just eat.” Ballester narrows his eyes and eats with them. “For the record, I believe her. She did choose you, so she can’t be all bad, especially since I chose you too.”

“Alright, this better not be a trick. For the record, this is really f*****g good!”

“Glad you like it, sweetie.” Mollyester says, as she smiles a twisted smile. Ballester just stares at her, and they continue to stay frozen staring at each other.

“Is this part of a human mating ritual?” Gorgax suddenly asks. They snap out of it.

“No, she was just I...the thing.” Ballester says.

“Yeah, what he said.” Mollyester says in a daze.

“This is what I missed. This is how you were when we first met."

“What do you mean?"

"We would just stare into each other’s eyes and not have to say anything, we’d just get lost."

“I’m sorry I’m such a c**t.”

“Shut up and let’s f**k!"

“May I join?” Gorgax asks.

“Let’s get it on! Molly, remember, the water in the pool will make you sick, so we’ll do that when I break you in half. Gorgax, bring that lovely snatch over here, I’m hungry for dessert.” Yup, they’re having a threesome. On the kitchen table. Where they eat. Boy, it’s a good thing all the kids have their own apartments cause boy it’s gross. There’s still food on the table, so it’s being shoved in and on places, and it’s just...messy. After they’re done, Ballester and Gorgax hit the tub while Mollyester hits the shower. “We should bring in an alien for her so she gets the full experience too. Maybe we can hook her up with Gorgon.”

“Sure, we could give it a try.” Gorgax says.

“I love you Gorgax, I couldn’t imagine my life without you, because before it did, it sucked. Now it sucks a little less."

“It’s crazy how much I’ve softened up over the years. Remember how tough and grizzled I was when we first met?”

“That’s what attracted me to you in the first place.”

“Likewise.” They both fall asleep with him inside of her. Mollyester walks by and repeatedly stabs Ballester in the top of the head, which wakes up Gorgax. “What in the-” Mollyester smacks her, and it knocks her out. Mollyester then leaves the apartment, and Ballester wakes up in bed. He walks to the living room.