Chapter LXIII: Alien Scott

 Chapter LXIII: Alien Scott 

One day, Ballester is naked in the woods shoving a poisonous snake in his a*s while choking himself with another snake when he bashes his balls with a large rock until he passes out. He wakes up with the snake up his a*s and the other snake stuck on his dick. “I feel better already!” Ballester yells as he starts humping a raccoon who rips his junk off and runs away with it. “Please, my hankey!” He wakes up in his room. “I can’t tell what’s a dream and what isn’t anymore, I die so much.” 

“That’s crazy.” Gorgax says, half asleep. “Don’t you have a Scott to catch today?” 

“Yeah, I was hoping you’d come with me, we haven’t gone out together in awhile.” 

“Hm, I wouldn’t mind seeing what a Galaxian/Scott hybrid would look like.” 

“Apparently like Ruzal, but with Scott’s face.” 

“Do you think-” 

“I already asked that. He grew this one himself.” 

“S**t.” 

“You coming?” 

“Sure, let me get suited up. So, what do we use to take this one down?” 

“Words, hopefully. Serge wants him back alive.” 

“Oh, so it won’t be THAT kind of mission.” 

“Not unless it has to be.” 

“I’ll pack, just in case.” 

“Oh, I never leave without being strapped.” They leave their apartment, get coordinates from Serge, and start the journey. “Wanna take the truck? It’s quite a few miles from here.” 

“Sure.” They get into the truck and start driving. 

“Serge says this one registers about a five on the meter, and we’re supposed to keep out for the Scott that escaped the lab, too.” 

“Got it.” 

“I never imagined myself hunting for clones with an alien wife.” 

“Really? Never?” 

“Maybe as a kid using my imagination, but no not really.” 

“So fantasy has become reality for you?” 

“I guess in a way.” 

“Well, I never thought I’d get to live on an actual planet!” 

“Hey, I’ve noticed something, you haven’t worn your translator in years.” 

“Oh, that’s because I studied and learned all of Earth’s languages. It was quite easy, actually.” 

“Why did you learn Earth’s languages?” 

“So I could communicate with you, dummy!” She gives him a friendly punch in the arm. 

“Damn, and I haven’t even learned your language.” 

“Oh, it’s ok, I know you by now, that’s not something you’re capable of. Not saying you’re not smart enough, there’s just certain words that require the use of a split tongue.” 

“What if I did split my tongue? There are ways to do that.” 

“Please don’t, besides, I like your tongue the way it is.” 

“What I’m hearing is, ‘but it could be better.’” 

“Well, you’re hearing wrong.” 

“So you want me to split my tongue?” 

“No- just- know what? Do whatever you want, next time you die, the split tongue won’t be there no more, so have fun.” 

“Well, that’s fine and everything, but just remember, that’s how committed I am to you.” 

“And I appreciate it, I really do. Now, are we anywhere near this alien Scott?” 

“Coming up on it real soon, babe. You know, since the Earth reclaimed the land, it looks so beautiful to look at. Look, that used to be a highway, now it’s half buried under grass. Neat, huh?” 

“I admit there’s a sad beauty to it...an old civilization long gone, yet the planet reclaims its rightful place.” 

“That was beautiful, babe.” 

“Thanks, now where is- is that him?” She points to what looks like an egg shaped headed person. They approach him, and sure enough, it's Alien Scott. 

“Freeze! Put your hands in the air.” The Alien Scott complies. “You’re coming with us.” 

“What did I do?” The child’s voice comes out of Scott’s mouth. 

“You’re coming back to the lab.” Ballester says. 

“Please don’t make me go back there, I spend all day being observed.” Alien Scott says. 

“That’s because you’re the only one of your kind. You’re a clone/Galaxian hybrid.” 

“Clone? I was told I was half human.” 

“You are. You’re the product of a Galaxian and the clone of a human.” 

“I’ve only been alive two years, and I already hate existence.” 

“Look, he’s only gonna probably study you until you hit adulthood, and then you’ll most likely be set free, he’s probably comparing you to our kids.” 

“Your kids?” 

“Yes, our kids are also half human/Galaxian, but what makes you different is that one of your donors is a clone, not the original, I think he’d be happy with your progress, you’re already smarter than a regular Scott.” 

“A regular Scott?” 

“Have you never met another Scott?” 

“No, I just escaped last week, I got burned by a bear, and then some townspeople helped me, but other than that, I haven’t come across anyone else.” 

“Get in the truck.” 

“Do I have to?” 

“If you wanna live, you’ll do it.” The Alien Scott gets in the backseat, and Ballester starts driving. He comes across a Scott and stops the truck. He lets Alien Scott out. “This is a Scott clone. They’re stupid as f**k, but their DNA runs through your body.” 

“Oh see, he’s eating his own feces, I knew it was more than just instinctive.” 

“You have the desire to eat your own s**t?” 

“Yes, doesn’t everybody?” 

“Only Scotts.” 

“I want to have sex with it before I eat it, is that normal too?” 

“As a Scott, yes.” 

“Can I participate with that other Scott?” 

“Absolutely not, we’re heading back to the lab.” 

“Then can he come with us?” 

“We tried that, they just kill themselves.” 

“Why? That’s so stupid.” 

“And that’s what sets you apart from them.” 

“Alright, let’s go.” They go back into the truck and head for the lab. 

“I’m going to put in a request to Serge to see if you could get the education our children had.” Gorgax tells him. 

“You really think I can do it? After seeing what I come from...” 

“Ah, but your Galaxian side is clearly more dominant.” 

“I guess that’s true. Now I hope he says yes.” They get back to the lab. 

“Found him!” 

“Oh good. Xenon, don’t you ever run away again!” Serge says. 

“He’s smarter than you thought.” Ballester says. 

“What do you mean?” 

“You projected 4 or 5, but he came up a 6.” 

“A 6? No way!” 

“And he wants to go to school.” 

“Is this true, Xenon?” 

“Yes sir.” Alien Scott says. 

“That would actually be good for the research. Go ahead, but don’t push yourself, only do up until your ability.” 

“Well, I’m already smarter than an average Scott, so I’d say I’m already ahead.” 

“Yes, I believe you have. I underestimated you.” 

“Quite all right, can I please have more humane living conditions? I don’t like the cell very much.” 

“On two conditions: you go to and finish school, and pick a career, and you don’t ever try to escape again.” 

“Yes sir!” Alien Scott replies excitedly. 

“Good, don’t let me down.” Serge tosses him a key with a tag. “I want to see you for a weekly checkup, and progress report. Fulfill all requirements, and you may have free reign of the campus. There’s lots of cool stuff to do in your down time, it’s like a mall in here. You’ll also be the first Scott allowed on campus, don’t abuse it. No other Scotts are allowed except those being hunted. If you happen to find someone to reproduce with, she will have to agree to be part of, and continue the experiment with your child. Since you are still a child, you will get a weekly allowance that you can use to spend on anything here. If you have any questions about being human, you can talk to any of us humans about it. If you have any questions about Galaxian things, find one around here, or go to Gorgax since you already know her.” 

“What if I have Scott questions? Who’s gonna help me with those?” 

“I will, I’ve been studying Scotts since day 1.” 

“Day 1?” 

“The day I ended the world.” 

“The world looks fine to me.” 

“It was over a decade ago, the mess has since been cleaned up, and then some.” 

“Oops, I s**t on the floor.” Alien Scott says, flatly. Serge, Ballester and Gorgax look grossed out. “Are you going to eat that? Anybody?” Everyone shakes their head no. “More for me.” He slurps it off of the floor. “Mmmm, yummers.” 

“That actually tastes good to you?” 

“No, but I can’t get enough of it.” 

“That’s crazy, I gotta put this in my notes. See? This is why I need you around, you can tell me first hand what it’s like to be a Scott.” 

“I’ll let you know as they come to me, that’s the best I can do.” 

“Anything helps.” 

“Is the giant lizard a boy or a girl?” 

“Boy, why?” 

“No-nothing.” 

“Use today to make your place look nice, here’s some starting credits, you start school on Monday.“ Later that day, Mollyester kicked Ballester off of a cliff.