Chapter LXIV: Giant Scott

Chapter LXIV: Giant Scott 

“So, you want us to kill or capture this one?” Ballester asks. 

“Kill it, it was an accident. I didn’t know my growth ray was still on when he walked in front of it.” 

“Geez, how many cliches you working on in here?” 

“F**k you, ok, they’re fundamentals, no lab should be without them. Anyway, this Scott is grossly disfigured, he’s huge, but he’s small in some parts and huge in others. That’s what happens when you don’t stay still while the beam hits you. Trust me, when you see him, you’ll know.” 

“How tall are we talking?” 

“About 20 feet tall, 17 if you count the fact that one of his legs is normal sized, so he slopes on one side.” 

“I’m gonna need a crew for this one, huh?” 

“I’d recommend it.” Ballester rounds up Gorgax and Manboutu, and they start their search. 

“I wonder what happens to the bodies after we kill them.” Manboutu says. 

“The other Scotts eat them, or a bear or deer or something eats them.” Ballester says. 

“So, I guess they’re about to have a feast.” 

“Yup, that’s gonna be one weird looking skeleton.” 

“Wait, you smell that? Smells like s**t.” They look around, and come across a giant mound of s**t. Ballester sticks his hand in it. 

“It’s still warm, he must be close.” They spread out, until Gorgax finds Scott eating a handful of Scotts like snacks. 

“Over here!” She yells. The other two catch up to her and watch as Giant Scott is eating Scotts like candy. He bites heads off first, then breaks the body in half, and eats the two separate halves. He crunches them, bones and all as if they were snacks. Ballester gets his bazooka ready and armed, aimed straight for his head. Manboutu has his shooters aimed at Scott’s ankles, and Gorgax has a laser bazooka aimed at Scott’s torso. 

“Ready, aim, fire!” Ballester yells. Everyone shoots at once, firing off a few rounds each. Once their clip is empty, Scott has chunks missing from his face, burn marks on his torso, and scarred ankles, but he’s still alive and functioning. He spots them, rips a tree out of the ground, and throws it at them, they fire again, blowing the tree to chunks before it could hit them. Scott then takes off his pants, and proceeds to s**t in his hand. He throws it at the team, but only Ballester got splattered, it burned his skin like acid. “AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! What the f**k???” Scott proceeds to jerk off. That’s when Gorgax takes the opportunity to fire on his balls with her laser bazooka. That seemed to submit him, until Manboutu starts squirting acid all over them, causing enough damage for a hole to form and he starts leaking. Ballester, finally calm from the burning which has now subsided, takes his bazooka, and blows Scotts balls apart by firing right into the acid hole that Manboutu made. They all get splattered with spooge. It feels very cold, slimy, and sticky. After a quick wipe, they confront the Scott again, who’s holding on to his crotch, dying. They all fire at the same time, their entire clip, and Giant Scott explodes. The carcass attracts other Scotts, who start eating it right away, ignoring Ballester, Gorgax and Manboutu. 

“Interesting.” Gorgax says. 

“What’s interesting?” 

“As long as they’re eating, it’s like we don’t exist.” 

“Should we kill them?” 

“It might attract more.” 

“I wish I knew where they were all coming from.” 

“The lab, duh!”  

“I don’t mean that, I mean, after they leave, where do they go? I wonder if there’s like a Scott City or something.” 

“They seem too disorganized to have a place of their own, I’m pretty sure they live like wild animals.” 

“That makes sense too, but how come we don’t come across them as often as say, a bunny or a bird?” 

“Who knows? But when we approach them, they don’t flee, so it’s not like they’re total animals, they might recognize us as humans and Galaxians, which is why they don’t attack unless agitated.” 

“I think it’s weird Serge keeps making them. Sure, the initial outbreak was a mistake, but it seems as though they’re never ending. We know the original Scott is kept in the cloning chamber, so obviously, Serge is still cloning him, but why? To experiment on them? I mean, look at the freaks we’ve been fighting! There’s a rogue smart Scott out there that we still need to find, like, I thought there was only a couple hundred, but we far surpassed that. And I’m not even counting the Scotts on S**t Planet.” 

“Maybe it’s just because it gives us something to do with our very special skills.” Gorgax says. 

“So, you’re saying, that out of the goodness of his heart, Serge keeps making these monstrosities to make sure we stay employed?” 

“Well, what else would we be doing right now? I’d still be security chief on the ship as we travel galaxy through galaxy peddling our wares. Now I get to kill people for a living! Manboutu, you’d still be a caged up spy, and Ballester, you’d be dead. Serge has given us all a purpose, and I think we should be totally grateful for this opportunity that we can live in a world where we can do anything we want.” 

“Sounds like Scorpious has gotten to you.” 

“Yes, I was merely a vessel for Scorpious to communicate with you.” 

“What the f**k?” Ballester looks up at me. Hehehe, his turn. “You’re right, Gorgax. The world has been the best it’s ever been since Serge took over, especially with the help of your people.” 

“And our children.” 

“Well, without your people, we wouldn’t have our children.” 

“That’s absolutely true.” 

“Well, except for the Mirror Planet, where you and I are together.” Manboutu says to Gorgax. 

“Wait, what?” Ballester asks. 

“On the Mirror Planet, me and Gorgax were together. Don’t worry, I found it strange too.” 

“It’s ok, I was a nerd scientist working for Serge.” Ballester says. “I snooped through the other me’s office, and found a family portrait of me, Mollyester, and Sallester, and from the looks of it, it had been taken only a few years ago. They looked happy. I don’t know anything about mirror Mollyester, but I’d rather have you, babe.” Ballester tells Gorgax. 

“Likewise. No offense, Manboutu.” Gorgax says. 

“None taken, you guys have been together since I’ve known you.” Manboutu says. 

“What different lives we could have led.” Ballester says. They finally get back to the lab. 

“So, how’d it go, guys?” Serge asks. 

“Easy enough.” 

“Easy, huh? What happened to your uh, skin there?” 

“Yeah, his s**t was so f*****g toxic it burned my skin.” 

“Ooh, I don’t even wanna know why you guys look sticky.” 

“We blew his balls apart and got splattered in jizz.” 

“Ahahahahahaha!” 

“Then, we fired everything we had, and blew him apart. He literally exploded everywhere. Don’t worry, the Scotts are already on cleanup.” 

“It seems that they ignore us while they feed.” Gorgax chimes in. 

“Yeah, and?” Serge asks. 

“Oh, just wasn’t sure if you knew.” Gorgax says sheepishly. 

“Anything else?” 

“I wanted to kill them while they were eating, but everyone voted against me.” Ballester says. 

“You would have caused an endless string of Scotts, because each round of bodies would attract another round of Scotts.” Serge says. 

“Whatever.” 

“Anyways, good job you guys, I’ve updated your accounts. Now, there’s still the matter of the smart Scott on the loose... I’m not sure what he’s capable of, but I need to study him. Last time you encountered him, he was at a four. Hopefully, he hasn’t gotten any smarter. I doubt so, being a Scott and all, but I wanna talk to him, find out why he’s different than the others. I’m sure if you just talk to him, you can convince him. I don’t know, tell him there’s candy or something.” 

“Do you think he’d fall for that?” 

“He’s still a Scott.” 

“Good point.” 

“Alright, I guess we’re gonna hafta stop putting this off, but I’m not even sure where to start looking.” 

“Well, you’ve encountered Scotts in sewers, maybe start there?” 

“Yeah, I guess. Anyone wanna join me?” 

“I will!” Gorgax says. 

“I’m good.” Manboutu says. 

“Tomorrow?” Ballester asks in general. 

“Fine.” Serge says. 

“All right, tomorrow we start the hunt for the smart Scott. Babe, you’re going to need a suit, the sewers are too toxic for your kind.” 

“Sure thing, babe.” Gorgax says. 

“See ya tomorrow, boss.” 

“Sure thing, Ballester.” Serge says. Ballester gives a nod to Manboutu and leaves the lab. He and Gorgax head home, where Mollyester is sitting on the couch, waiting for them. 

“So, you guys went on another mission without me? And what are you covered in?” Mollyester asks. 

“Didn’t think you’d be interested.” Ballester says. 

“I want to go on the next one.” 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

“Why?” 

“Because we’re going up against a smart Scott, and who knows what he’s capable of?” 

“Really? That’s the best you could do?” 

“Fine, you wanna come? Come, just don’t get in the way.” 

“In the way? How many times have I saved your a*s?” 

“That was different.” 

“Yeah, sure.” 

“Look, either come or don’t, either way, we’re leaving as soon as we get up tomorrow.” 

“Fine, I’ll be here.” 

“You have your own apartment.” 

“I don’t want you leaving without me, so I packed an overnight bag.” 

“Fine, whatever. Just be ready.” 

“Oh, and Ballester?” 

“What now?” She shoots him in the balls, and then in the head. She spits on his body. 

“No, it hasn’t left my body yet, it’s still satisfying, and yet, it makes me sad at the same time to see his lifeless body, even if it is temporary.” 

“Gee, I didn’t know you cared.” Ballester says as he gets up, the bullets fall out, and his junk grows back. 

“F**k you.”