Chapter LXVI: Scott City

Chapter LXVI: Scott City 

“I don’t see a single store around here, just these crude shelters.” Ballester says, as they walk by yet another few Scotts who are just standing there masturbating in the middle of the street. 

“I didn’t know Scotts were smart enough to build shelters.” Sallester says. 

“They’re not, but smart Scott is.” 

“Where do you think he went?” 

“I don’t know, Scotts are too stupid to ask anything, they just reply with ‘I’m Scott!’” 

“Do you think if we start killing, it’ll draw him out?” 

“Actually, that’s not a bad idea at all.” They all start firing in every direction, killing Scotts left and right. Then, Ballester equips his flamethrower, and brushes the entire crowd of Scotts with it. They didn’t even react, they just stood there and burned until they were ash. The Scotts who weren’t caught in any crossfire are hiding in their shelters. Ballester checks his intelligence detector, and sweeps around, until he comes across a two. Curious, he approaches the Scott in his shelter. “Hey, can you understand me?” The Scott nods. “Come on out.” The Scott comes out of his hidey hole. “Why are you smarter than the other Scotts?” 

“Been around long time. But I am not smartest Scott.” 

“I know, I’m looking for one who lived there.” He points at Smart Scott’s dwelling. 

“Him super smart. Him build houses for everyone!” 

“Do you know where he likes to go?” 

“No, him and I not friends.” 

“Damn. Would you like to come with us? Maybe we help find your neighbor?” 

“No, me no want punish pow pows.” He cowers. 

“What?” 

“If we don’t follow rules, we get pow pows.” 

“Why would you get in trouble for helping us?” 

“Rule 2: Scotts only help Scotts, nobody else.” 

“What’s rule 1?” 

“I’m Scott.” 

“I know, but what is rule 1?” 

“I’m Scott! And you say we dumb.” I realize how long I could have kept that joke going, be thankful I didn’t. 

“Sorry, jeez! Do you know of anyone who can help us?” 

“No, Scott only help Scott!” 

“Fine, goodbye.” 

“Bye new friends!” 

“That was painful.” 

“But now we know Scotts get smarter as they age.” Gorgax says. 

“Yeah, Serge is gonna wanna know that.” 

“I’m surprised that Scott was so trusting, considering we just slaughtered everyone who looks like him.”  

“It’s Scott, Scott is stupid. Did anyone map out the way here?” 

“I did, dad.” Sallester says. 

“Awesome. We’re gonna head back to the lab, and report to Serge. I wanna come back here and do some more exploring. There’s something at the top up there that looks like it’s special to them, and I wanna find out what it is.” They turn around, and head back through the caverns, and into the sewer and through and back to the lab. “Guess what we found?” 

“Loads of s**t and cum?” Serge asks, half serious. 

“Yes. But also, the Scotts have their own city deep in the sewers, in some caves. There’s nothing but shittily built dwellings. Like, it’s literally just a piece of garbage as a door in a hole. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they’re happy with it, but it’s just... I don’t know. Send 101 with us this time, and he’ll record it for you.” 

“Good idea.” 

“Also, we found out they get smarter as they age.” 

“Wait, what?” 

“Yeah, how crazy is that?” 

“So, I see you don’t have the smart Scott with you.” 

“Yeah, he escaped again.” 

“How are you being outsmarted by a Scott?” 

“First of all, he’s at a 6. Second of all, he can command all the Scotts at once. Since they all look alike, we lose sight of him quickly, and he escapes undetected. Besides, there’s more for us to explore, we’ll come back with more information.” 

“Alright, and see if you can find any more Scotts above 1.” 

“So far, we’ve only found one 2.” 

“Hmm...” Serge uses the intelligence meter on the Scott in the cloning machine, and it shows 5. “This may be a problem. If Scott here reaches average intelligence, we could have two Smart Scotts out there.” 

“Oh...yeah...he told us he was the original, and this is a random clone.” 

“What? Bullshit!” Serge takes a blood sample from the Scott in the cloning machine, which is where he basically lives, and does a DNA test. “Nope, this is the original Scott. You gotta find out why this other Scott is so smart.” 

“Is it possible that because this Scott is getting smarter, the clones are getting smarter faster?” 

“That’s definitely a theory.” 

“Alright, we’re heading back out, anything else?” 

“Yeah, bring me the smartest Scott you find in that little shanty town.” 

“Why are you obsessed with smart Scotts?” 

“Because I was hoping they’d stay stupid their whole lives. The last thing I need is a Scott led rebellion to overthrow me.” 

“Ohhh, that makes sense.” 

“Why do you think I have you kill them all?” 

“To give us something to do?” 

“Well, yeah. But had I known they got smarter as they aged, I’d make sure you eliminated them all, but I told you not to make them extinct. Now they’re getting smarter, but do they still do Scott like things?” 

“Yes, it’s ingrained in them.” 

“So if we appeal to the Scott side of the smart ones, you can bring them back here and I’ll toss them in the Grinder.” 

“We’ll see what we can do, they only trust other Scotts.” 

“I’m sure between the four of you, you’ll come up with something.” They leave, head back to the sewers, and back to Scott City. They find and trick the Scott they spoke with earlier into coming with them with the promise of s**t ice cream. They bring him back to the lab. “So, you’re a smart little Scott, aren’t you?” 

“I guess.” Scott answers. 

“Who’s the smartest Scott in your village?” 

“What’s a village?” 

“Who’s the smartest in all of Scott City?” 

“My neighbor but not friend Scott.” 

“Why is he so smart?” 

“He says he’s first Scott ever made.” 

“First Scott ever made?” 

“Yeah, that he was tired of being cloned, so he escaped.” 

“Original Scott is over there.” Serge says as he points. 

“Nuh uh, that’s his son! He had a baby with Lord Shitbag!” 

“That...doesn’t make any sense, I didn’t detect Shitbag DNA.” 

“You’re wrong, cause you’re not Scott! Scott’s super smart. The only other smart Scott besides me is our King Scott. He rules Scott City.” 

“That must be that fancy walkway I wanna explore.” Ballester says. The others nod. 

“Why is this King Scott the king? What makes him smart?” Serge asks. 

“He’s really old. Older than me, older than every Scott. He’s old.” Scott says. 

“Alright, guess that’s where we’re headed. Scott, you stay here. My friend has the poo poo ice cream.” Ballester says, as he points to Serge. The group leaves, and head back towards Scott City. 

“Do you really think they’re going to let us walk out of there with their leader?” Sallester asks. 

“Probably, they’re Scotts, they don’t have any attachments.” 

“You know, I thought Scotts didn’t have a hierarchy.” 

“They didn’t at first, but enough time has passed that maybe they see the old ones as special. When I first started killing them, they didn’t have any old ones to look to.” 

“So that means...?” 

“That means we’re about to meet one of the original set of clones that I never got around to killing.” 

“That’s crazy.” 

“Yeah, I wonder what number he’ll pop up on the meter.” 

“Alright, so, up there is where we need to be... how the f**k are we getting up there?” 

“Everyone bring their grapple guns?” Only Gorgax did. “Alright, when we’re up there, we’ll toss the gun down to you. Make sure you catch it, it’s the only one we’ve got on us.” 

“Actually, I have an extra.” Gorgax says. 

“Just... catch it regardless.” Ballester and Gorgax make their way to the top landing, and toss the guns down. Luckily, both caught and used them. Upon getting to the top, Mollyester and Sallester return the grapple guns. “Now, which way?” He looks left and right. How about we split up into two teams, guys and gals?” 

“I’m down.” Gorgax says. 

“Fine.” Mollyester says flatly. 

“Come on, son.” Ballester says. They go right, while the women go left. 

“So, we just gonna trick this one like we tricked the other one?” 

“Yeah, probably.” 

“You know mom hates Gorgax, why do you keep sticking them together?” 

“Because your mother needs to accept that Gorgax is my life partner, it’s a biological chemical thing from her planet. Despite your mother claiming she hates me, and kills me any chance she gets, she still loves me in her own twisted demented way which is why she’s still around. She needs to accept that she can either share me or not have me at all.” 

“Well, mom doesn’t seem to be going for it at all.” 

“She really needs to move on. You guys have been here how long now? Obviously, I’m not going to change things for her.” 

“That otherworlder’s really got you in her grasp, huh?” 

“If you found one, you’d understand.” 

“How do I get one?”  

“Find one that smells good, like you’d die if you never smelled her ever again.” 

“Wow, she means a lot to you, huh?” 

“F**k yeah, dude. She’s had my back for the past twelve years, and she’s a great lover.” 

“Maybe I will find one.” 

“Just be careful. You won’t know a male or female unless they were pantsless or you hear them speak.” 

“Sounds complicated.” 

“Yeah, good luck with that.” 

“Ah, dad, did you cut one?” 

“No, that’s way too strong to be a fart, it’s almost like it’s...a...room...full...of...s**t...” They walk into a room full of s**t, and a fat, old, naked Scott eating s**t on his crappily made throne. 

“Ugh, all hail King Scott.”