Chapter LXVII: King Scott

Chapter LXVII: King Scott 

There he is, an old, fat, disgusting slob eating nothing but, and surrounded by s**t. This is King Scott and he just s***s as he’s eating. “You’re King Scott?” Ballester asks. 

“Yes, me King Scott. Me rule over Scotts except-” he looks afraid. 

“Except?” 

“The smarty pants Scott ruins my fun. He wants to be in charge. But I’m oldest, I deserve this.” 

“So how do you keep him away from your...treasure?” 

“Me call other Scotts and they do it.” 

“You know, he can command Scotts too, right?” 

“Nuh uh, I’m King, people listen to me and not him and that’s why he wants to be king.” 

“Makes sense.” 

“I don’t like that guy, I wish he’d eat penis and die.” 

“That’s the goal.” 

“You don’t like him either?” 

“Nope. You know, if you come with us, I have a friend who wants to meet you.” 

“Is it a Scott?” 

“No, it’s Serge.” 

“The Creator. Of course I’ll come with you.” 

“You remember him?” 

“Of course!” 

“Well then, let’s go.” 

“Yay!” They start walking, but King Scott just stays there. 

“Aren’t you coming?” 

“Carry me!” 

“No, just walk, let’s go.” 

“I’m King Scott, and you have to do what I say.” 

“I’ll just kill you right now, but I’d rather not.” 

“Carry me or I’m not going.” 

“Ugh.” Ballester has to suppress gagging between the smell of the sewer, the smell of King Scott’s room, and King Scott himself. Ballester squats, and King Scott climbs up on his shoulders. Ballester carries King Scott around like a giant fat kid, his dick and balls right up against Ballester’s cheek, and he continues shitting, and it goes down Ballester’s back. When they get to a doorframe, Scott smacks his head really hard, and it knocks him out and stops his shitting. “Well, at least he shut up.” As they leave, Mollyester comes running from the opposite direction. 

“Ok, come on, let’s go.” she says. 

“Where’s Gorgax?” 

“I don’t know, she fell, and I think she’s dead. Let’s go.” 

“I’m not leaving without her.” Ballester walks in the direction the women went and looks around, hoping to see Gorgax. As they make their way down some stairs, there’s Gorgax’s body underneath. “Sallester, grab Gorgax, please.” Sallester goes underneath the stairwell and grabs Gorgax, who is seriously injured, bruises, and a gash in her head that’s pouring blood. “Try to keep her blood from pouring out. Look, the top of her head is flat, like a container. She’s lost a lot of blood already. Do you feel a slow pulse?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Good, that means she’s still alive, let’s go.” They continue on their way through the sewers. 

“Ugh, he stinks so bad, I can smell it through my suit.” Mollyester says. 

“At least you don’t have to carry him. I’m definitely killing myself afteer this, a shower isn’t enough.” 

“Ooh, can I do it?” 

“I guess, it hasn't stopped you before." 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean I’ve known every time you killed me. I’ve been counting, and you’re almost out, missy.” 

“Oh, s**t.” 

“Yeah, oh s**t.” 

“It’s just so fun!” 

“Whatever.” They finally make their way out of the sewer and to the lab. Ballester throws King Scott on the ground, turns to Mollyester, and says, “Do it.” She pushes him into the Grinder, and he walks out of his apartment, fresh and clean. He grabs Gorgax and heads to Nyvar’s office. “You need to help mom.” 

“Oh my Scorpious! What happened?” Nyvar asks. 

“I don’t know, she was with Mollyester, and she said she fell.” Nyvar immediately gets to work on her mother, closing the wound. She grabs a bag of compatible Galaxian blood, and hooks it up to her. 

“Could it be that your ex wife is to blame?” 

“I’ve considered it. She’s pretty jealous when it comes to your mother. This is my fault for pairing them up, but I’m really trying to get Mollyester to either accept Gorgax or leave. Instead, she’s interfering in our relationship, and trying to make me choose her. Honestly, I wish she would just leave me the f**k alone.” 

“So why don’t you ask Serge to have her banished?” 

“Because of my son. She’s all he’s had for twenty five years because I left. If I get rid of her, there’s a chance he’ll hate me for it.” 

“Well then, there’s your answer. Ask your son what to do.” 

“He’ll probably want her to stay.” 

“You don’t know that, you’re just assuming.” 

“Yeah, I guess. I’m proud of you, kiddo. I definitely treated you guys better than I did my first family, am I a bad person?” 

“No, you’ve just matured. Looks like mom’s going to be ok.” 

“Thanks, sweetie.” 

“You go ahead, I’ll let you know when she’s lucid.” 

“All right.” He hugs Nyvar and heads back to Serge’s lab. “Is he awake yet? Where is he?” 

“I put him in there.” Serge says as he points to a large cage with a still unconscious King Scott inside. “F****r is heavy, and he s**t everywhere.” 

“You should have seen the throne room. It was full entirely of wall to wall ceiling to floor s**t. He considers it treasure, yet he eats it and s***s it at the same time.” 

“So gross.” 

“Any reason he’s so old?” 

“I’m guessing because they’re clones, their molecular structure is weaker, so they age faster. As far as the intelligence goes, it must be the result of the experience of just being alive.” 

“Yeah, but old people can be dumbasses too.” 

“True, but considering the low brain function of Scotts, I guess something has to be learned after so many years managing to survive.” 

“What did you do with that other one that was here?” 

“Oh, I fed him to the Grinder once I got all the information he had.” 

“Did you just push him in, or-?” 

“I told the dumbass his s**t ice cream was inside.” 

“Hahaha, oh s**t, looks like the King is waking up.” 

“Hi King Scott!” 

“The Creator! Even as king, you’re better than me.” Scott says as he begins shitting again. 

“How did you survive so long?” 

“Easy. Hide when non Scott comes by.” 

“Have you always known that?” 

“No, I used to just stand around saying ‘I’m Scott’. And then one day, I saw Scotts get exploded and I thought, ‘run and hide’, so I did. One day, I smelled treasure coming out the ground, so I went inside, and saw treasure everywhere! I put it all in one room, and I will never go hungry ever again, especially since I make my own treasure!” 

“How did you end up leading a bunch of other Scotts?” 

“I told them what to do and they did it.” 

“Just like that?” 

“I think it’s because I’m bigger and older than them.” 

“Huh, says here you’re at 4, impressive.” 

“What’s a 4?” 

“Boy, I bet it’s uncomfortable in that cage, I bet you would like to go back to your room.” 

“Only if you carry me.” Serge unlocks the cage door, and operates a crane holding the cage, tips it over the Grinder, and Scott and all of his s**t fall into it. When the body hits the blades, instead of blood, s**t is what explodes out of him. 

“So wait...” Ballester begins. “Was he a child of Shitbag’s?” 

“No, the DNA says who he claimed he was. He was one of the original Scotts from that very first day.” 

“Then why did we see s**t instead of blood?” 

“Because he wasn’t fat full of fat.” 

“Oh, that’s gross.” 

“Ok, I want you to go to the sewers and slaughter all of the remaining Scotts.” 

“I don’t know how many are left, we slaughtered quite a shitload already.” 

“Yeah, well, if this is where they’re living, we need them exterminated.” 

“If you make another Shitbag, we can use him as bait.” 

“That’s not a bad idea.” Serge goes to his machine, clones Scott, and initiates Shitbag Protocol. Soon, a brand new Shitbag is born! 

“Hi everybody!” Shitbag shouts. 

“Shitbag, go inside the sewer and wait for Scotts. Alert us when they show up.” Serge tells him. 

“Okie dokie malokie!” Shitbag says, cheerily. He leaves the lab. 

“Now all’s we gotta do is wait.” Ballester says. 

“We’re going to use him to attract every Scott on Earth, and sending them to S**t Planet, including the original. We just really need to find that really smart Scott, the original, maybe you can convince him that he can rule a planet if he goes with the other Scotts to S**t Planet.” Serge says. 

“Hey, yeah!” 

“And then we kill him.” 

“I’m sorry, what?” 

“Yeah, leaving him to rule a planet could backfire on me. The regular Scotts can go, and the mutated ones, too. But this smart one, the original, he’s just too dangerous.” 

“Ok, yeah, fine, I get it, you just might have a more difficult time getting information out of him.” 

“He’s a Scott, there’s always a way.” Nyvar’s voice comes over the intercom.  

“Dad, mom’s awake, she looks way better.” Nyvar says. Ballester rushes down to her office, where Gorgax, full of blood and bandaged, is leaning back in bed. 

“Babe!” Ballester says, as he rushes up to kiss her. 

“Hey hon, was the mission a success?” Gorgax asks. 

“Yes, but enough about work. Are you alright?” 

“I’ll be ok, but Ballester, I think Molly tried to kill me.” 

“What?” 

“Well, see, it went like this...”