Chapter LXXXV: Ballester vs. Scott II: I Kicked Your A*s Before, Chump!

Chapter LXXXV: Ballester vs Scott II: I Kicked Your A*s Before, Chump! 

Ballester is in the middle of a field one day, hammering his nuts to a tree, when they suddenly explode. He dies and wakes up in his room. Then, he goes out back to the farmhouse, and starts sucking off a horse. He loves that s**t, doesn’t he? The sick f**k, he takes the whole f*****g load like a s**t. Then, a Scott comes out of nowhere, and starts f*****g him in the a*s, but he doesn’t care, he loves Scott. He starts jerking off, but his dick gets caught in a bear trap. Scott sprays his jizz all over Ballester, and Ballester dies again. “Why are you doing this to me?” Ballester asks me. 

“Cause I’m in a bad f*****g mood, and I’m God, cocksucker!” I tell him, as I strike him dead with a bolt of lightning. He wakes up in his room again. 

“What in the actual f**k is going on?” 

“I told you, I’m pissed the f**k off.” 

“But why?” 

“Because despite Serge telling you to, you have yet to find Smart Scott, and we’re getting near the end.” 

“The end of what?” 

“The end of the world.” 

“The end of the world already happened.” 

“Tell that to Serge.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“He’s f*****g with reality, haven’t you noticed?” 

“No...” 

“Really? So another Gorgax came out of nowhere?” 

“Ohhhh! That...” 

“Yeah, that.” 

“He’s a genius, he knows what he’s doing.” 

“Yeah, sure, whatever. By the way you had a hitchhiker when you left the monkey Scott island.” 

“Wait, what?” 

“Yeah, he’s been hiding for the past few weeks, you’d better find him.” 

“Who is it?” 

“Who do you think?” 

“What? No!” 

“Yep.” 

“Where is he?” 

“That’s for you to find out.” 

“Don’t bother, I came to you.” Smart Scott says as he holds a gun to Serge’s head. “Unlike you, he won’t come back.” 

“You dare challenge God?” Serge asks Scott. 

“You’re not God, just a cheap imitation.” 

“Ah, but I was made in His image.” 

“Shut the f**k up!” He pistol whips Serge. 

“Any time you wanna jump in here, that’d be great.” 

“The f**k you want me to do?” Ballester asks, pointing his gun back at Scott. 

“You shoot, I shoot.” Scott says. Ballester lifts his arm to talk to his communicator, but Scott shoots his hand off. 

“OW! F**K! THAT F*****G HURTS, YOU F*****G A*****E!” 

“No, no backup. What do you think this is, party time?” 

“Scott, you speak so eloquently, where did you learn to get past ‘I’m Scott’?” Serge asks.  

“I’ve been alive for twenty years. Surely you know of the intelligent Scotts in the sewers?” 

“Of course.” 

“They each had the potential to teach them all to be intelligent with me since I’m like their god or something. Remember, I’m the original. It’s been twenty years since the accident, don’t you think I would have evolved the fastest because uh doy, I’m 100% human, like you two. The reason the one in the tank says it’s me, is because he’s the first clone ever made from me. He’s pure me, after him, the purity goes down.” 

“Then why isn’t he smart?” 

“Oh, you think he’s stupid? Hey Scott, I love you!” The Scott in the cloning device jumps up, sees Scott, crashes his head through the glass, and runs up to him, and hugs him. 

“Thanks, bro.” The escaped Scott says. 

“No problem, dude.” They kiss. 

“I’ve been waiting so long for you to break me out, I get electrocuted for every single clone, trying to dull my senses.” He looks at Serge, grabs Ballester’s pistol and points it at Serge. “You’re outnumbered, b***h. Well guess what, dipshit? I’ve watched everything you do here, and if anything, the jolts made me smarterer.” 

“Smarterer?” Ballester asks. 

“Shut up, f**k you!” He shoots Ballester in the foot, making it explode. 

Ah, s**t!” 

“You only had to suffer that pain once. I have to suffer it whenever you feel like it!” He shoots Serge in the shoulder and his arm falls off. The other Scott shoots Serge in the opposite leg, making it fall off too. Serge tries to balance himself, until he finds a chair and sits down. 

“What do you want?” Serge asks. 

“Me and him escape go go bye.” Smart Scott looks at Clone Scott. 

“Maybe you need more time to cook.” 

“What?” Clone Scott says. Smart Scott pushes Clone Scott into the cloning machine, sets it at two million, and activates the machine. Again, the room just explodes with Scotts, most of them falling in the Grinder, and Smart Scott shuts it down, and pulls out Clone Scott, who’s fried and confused.  

“Get your daughter up here, now.” Scott says to Ballester. 

“You shot his hand off, dumbass.” Serge says. “I’ll page her. “Nyvar to my lab immediately. We’ve got an ice cold situation, better bring some  heat.” 

“Sure thing, boss.” Nyvar says. 

“Oh, and uh, I’m going to need some assistance with installing my prosthetics. One left hand for Ballester, a left arm and right leg for me, thanks. He hangs up. “So, what are your demands?” 

“You let us go free right after the doctor checks him out, and you can’t never hunt us!” Smart Scott says. 

“You care about him?” 

“He’s the only other Scott I can have a conversation with. Do you know how hard it is, being a Scott? It f*****g sucks!” 

“Well, that’s what you get for being a moronic a*****e.” 

“Oh, so what, you get to teach me who’s boss in this little fantasy world? F**k you Scorpious!” He gives me the finger. I flip him off back.  

“F**k you too, Scott! This is why you get tortured!” 

“Yeah, well, you forget. I’m Scott, and the only people that will listen to me are other Scotts.” The clones close in on Serge and Ballester. 

“All right, you win, Scott. You two are free to go.” Serge says, begrudgingly. 

“All right, what’s going on- woah s**t.” Nyvar says, as she shows up.  

“Nyvar, I need you to check out the unconscious CLONE SCOTT. Make sure SMART SCOTT is escorted without delay to your office. Get Nallester to do it. You check out CLONE SCOTT while Nallester keeps SMART SCOTT COMPANY!” Serge presses the intercom. “Nallester Sallone to my lab, unarmed, I have a friend that you should keep company. He’s gonna tell you ALL about the Scotts!!” He shuts down the intercom. “You’ll like Nallester, he’s fun!” Nallester comes bolting from the apartment to Serge’s lab in no time flat. 

“Yes sir, what is my mission, sir?” 

“It’s the ORIGINAL SCOTT and the sleeping one is the CLONE SCOTT. While your AUNT is BUSY WITH THE CLONE SCOTT, you can keep the ORIGINAL SCOTT company.” 

“We’re not going to kill them?” Nallester asks, disappointedly. 

“Not these two. We’ve called a temporary truce while we help his friend and let them escape.” 

“What? You can’t do that!” 

“TRUST ME ON THIS, SOLDIER! THIS IS YOUR DUTY, AND I AM THE ULTIMATE RULER.” 

“What happened to you guys?” 

“Workplace accident.” 

“Oh. Come on, Scott, they’re taking your brother, follow me!” 

“That was so generous of you, Serge.” 

“I honor my deals.” 

“Too, bad, I don’t get them! Smart Scott yells at the clones as he runs after Nallester, catching up to him. 

“Fuuuuuuck!” Serge says. 

“I gotchu, boss.” Ballester says. 

“Scott really IS a dick.” 

“I can see why you hate him, now.” 

“Worst test subject ever, failed everything, he’s a literal moron. I thought I was testing bulletproof skin as an excuse for me to put him in his misery, instead, I’ve got these to deal with.” Serge and Ballester are finally reattached, and the fight against an army of Scotts begins. Serge’s prosthetic arm turns into a gun, and he starts shooting them, and his prosthetic leg has a jet pack, so he’s zooming around, killing Scotts, while Ballester’s hand turns into a chaingun. He starts blowing through Scotts like nobody’s business, and within seconds, the Scotts are all dead. 

“Damn, that was way too quick.” Ballester says. 

“I agree. I’ll just go robotic arm instead, at least then it’ll look like my arm again. I’m keeping the jet pack though, this s**t’s hella useful.” 

“I don’t know, I kinda like it, can I keep it?” 

“Sure.” I tell him. 

“F**k yeah! So, how does ammo work?” 

“It’s infinite, don’t question it, just enjoy it, or I’ll put you back to normal when you respawn.” 

“Fine.” 

“Hey, speaking of, what the hell was that all about?” Serge asks me. Oh, s**t. ”Dues ex machina.” I say. His memory is wiped. 

“S**t, what was I doing?” Ballester shrugs. The  last of the Scott bodies are gone via the drones, and Serge looks around, confused. “What happened?” 

“Massive Scott attack, remember?” Ballester asks. 

“Oh yeah, good job wiping them out!” 

“As usual.” 

“Did you experiment on me again?” Ballester asks. 

“Did I experiment on myself? Oh, the arm gun, and it was fired recently. I helped you kill Scotts! Man, our bodies must’ve gotten pretty damaged if we look like this.” 

“That’s war, my friend. That’s war.” Ballester says. 

“Sir?” Nyvar’s voice comes through the intercom. 

“Yes, Nyvar?” 

“Clone Scott is good to go.” 

“Oh, right, letting them go. See, this is why I didn’t want any Smart Scotts in the first place!” 

“We have new weapons now, boss.” Ballester says. 

“No, let’s see where this goes.” 

“You’re really letting them go?” 

“Of course.” 

“Why would you do that?” 

“Because I know everything, remember?” 

“Ohhhh!” The Scotts, escorted by Nyvar, return to Serge’s lab. 

“Now you let us go.” Smart Scott says as both Scotts point their guns at Serge and Ballester. “Hey, what happened to you guys?” 

“You blew me to pieces and shot off his hand, remember?” Serge says. 

“I did? Never mind, now that he’s better, you let us go, and the kid was annoying, I’m glad he stayed behind!”  Just then, Nallester, running towards the lab, shows up. 

“I win!” Nallester says. 

“Win what?” Serge asks. 

“Hide and seek. I hid, and Scott was supposed to find me, and he never did! You’re right, Scotts really are stupid!” 

“Oh really?” Smart Scott says as he points the gun to Nallester’s head. Nallster, in turn, takes his pistol and aims it at Clone Scott. 

“Yes, really.” 

“Oh, you’re good kid, real good.” 

“Nallester!” Serge calls. 

“Yes sir?” Nallester says.  

“You are relieved of duty, the Scotts are free to go.” Serge says. 

“What? Why?” Nallester whines. 

“Because I made a deal, and I’m honoring it.” 

“Fine, you two are free to go.” Ballester and Serge nod, and the Scotts leave.