Chapter LXXXVII: Ballester vs. Ballester II: B.B's Revenge

Chapter LXXXVII: Ballester vs. Ballester II: B.B's Revenge 

“So, how’s it cracking?” Serge asks Ballester one day. 

“Not bad, me and Xagrog are getting more used to each other, Nallester is becoming the killer I always hoped he would be.” 

“Sounds like things are a’ight.” 

“Why? What’s going to happen?” 

“I don’t know, but these tears aren’t going away. Some I’ve had to shut down, a couple collapsed, and I kept one open. I was hoping I could just cover up certain holes and they'd repair themselves and go away, but it’s not happening. I maayy have fucked this up, bruh.” 

“What? I don’t understand.” 

“Know what? Don’t worry about it, you’ve got two Smart Scotts to find.”  

“But that was the condition, was we weren’t allowed to hunt them again.” 

“That doesn’t sound like you, they’re Scotts.” 

“Yeah, the real Scotts!” 

“They’re too dangerous to be kept alive.” 

“The original is smarter than me, though I absofuckinglutely HATE admitting that! How do I defeat him? Them?” 

“Uh, shoot them in the head, no questions asked.” 

“I figured you’d want their brains intact.” 

“True, decapitate them.” 

“Ooh! That’s my wife’s specialty! Can she come?” 

“Actually, you’re taking B.B with you. What better way to do this than with the original and clone vs original and clone? It’s genius!” 

“But I hate that guy!” 

“I know, but you should get to know him, I wish I’d gotten to know mine, but you got him kill’t.” 

“Technically, that was !’s fault.” 

“I know, I saw the footage when I came home, even heard his logs. Brutal son of a b***h. And what he did to you.” 

“Yeah, at least YOU’VE never been that cruel.” Ballester looks up at me. I’m just whistling and looking around. Anyhooters, B.B shows up. 

“Hey Ballester, I hear we’re going on a mission together.” B.B says. 

“Yeah, we’re going Scott hunting.” 

“Finally! I get to costar for once!” He’s totally blowing it, he knows we’re filming. Dumbass.  

“What if we don’t find him? Them?” 

“Then you try again tomorrow, and the next day, until you find them and bring me their heads.” Serge says. 

“Oh, don’t tell me-” 

🎶Ballester Sallone! 

Ballester Ballone! 

Friends to the end! 

All day long they shoot  Scotts 

And then smoke pot! 

It’s the B.S and B.B show!🎶 

*Starts with smiley faces of each* 

*Frolicking in flowers in overalls and a spinner hat* 

*Killing Scotts* 

*smoking weed* 

*Back to back title card with both of them smiling a cheesy smile* 

“I hate when Scorpious does cheesy s**t like that. I’m supposed to be badass, and he makes me look like a clown.” B.S says. 

“Why do you question HIM?” B.B raises his arms to me. 

“I always do, He’s not fair sometimes and it pisses me off the way he makes me do all these humiliating things out of nowhere and then continue the story as if what I just did wasn’t horrific enough.”  

“That’s messed up, bro.” 

“What about you? Does he make you do stupid s**t?” 

“No, he ignores me, forgets I exist.” 

“Sometimes I wish he’d ignore me.” 

“I wish I knew what it was to be like you, the original Ballester.” 

“You have my memories, don’t you?” 

“Just bits and pieces, I have my own memories.” 

“Huh, so that’s what it’s like, being a clone, huh?” He picks up the manhole and they jump down. Now it’s a two player game! Jump over the acid pit and shoot Scotts! *Sidescroller game starts up, and they both look like the same guy but with different colored bandanas. They make it through pretty quick. B.S even got some bonus points and a power up. A Scott stops them. 

“Stop, friend!” Scott says. Ballester’s meter is reading a five. 

“Weren’t you the guy who lived by Smart Scott?” 

“Yes! You help me!” 

“Well, maybe you can help us. Have the Smart Scotts been through here? There’s two of them now.” 

“I heard rumor but nothing I seen.” 

“What did the rumor say?” 

“Scotts say they go far away, away from you, away from you, and away from Serge.” 

“Did he say what direction he was going?” 

“No.” 

“F**k. Serge isn’t gonna like this.” 

“Stay positive, at least we know he’s going somewhere far away!” B.B says. 

“That doesn’t help at all, that’s literally anywhere.” 

“You know Scorpious will guide us through this.” 

“Yes, I know, I know all about Scorpious, I’m sick of hearing about Scorpious! He makes my life a living f*****g hell!” 

“Just be glad he gave you the gift of life!” 

“I WANTED TO F*****G DIE!” He shoots himself in the head. After a couple of minutes, he sits up, and the bullet falls out of his nose. 

“You’re so disturbed, B.S.” 

“It’s Ballester to you.” 

“But that’s how we distinguish who’s who.” 

“That’s what Serge assigned us, yes. But when I’m in charge, you call me Ballester, I call you Ballone, got it?” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Good.” They get back to the lab. 

“Did you find them? Serge asks. 

“No, just that they passed through the sewers to go really far away.” 

“Luckily I put a tracking chip inside of the Clone Scott in case he escaped.” 

“When were you going to tell us about it?” 

“Cause I just literally thought of it now.” 

“You a*****e.” 

“Hey man, chill. Speaking of chill, who’s ready for a trip to Canada, or Bibblebobble as it’s now known?” 

“Great, let’s go.” 

“I’ll alert Nogal.” They get in the plane, and fly to what we know as Canada. They track the device to the sewers and jump in. Canadian Scotts walking around, eating s**t, saying ‘I’m Scott, eh?’, having sex with each other and s**t, typical Scott behavior. They kill all of the level one Scotts, and have level two Scotts lead them to their King Scott. 

“Hey, King Scott.” B.S says. 

“Hello, Ballester, I’ve heard about you, eh? You’re not allowed down here, friend.” 

“You know who I am?” 

“Yes, there’s two of you... are you a clone, too?” He asks B.B. 

“Yeah, yeah I am.” B.B answers. 

“Join us, and I’ll suck you off right here, right now.” 

“Um...no. Do you know where the smart Scotts went?” 

“I’m not ‘aposta say, but since you’re a clone too, I’ll tell you.” He whispers in B.B’s ear. B.B turns around and repeatedly shoot Ballester, killing him over and over. 

“There, now will you tell me?” 

“Ok! They went to Bonerland!” 

“We’ve been to Boner City, they weren’t in the sewers.” 

“Not sewers, election office.” 

“What?” 

“Scott for mayor! Scott for mayor!” 

“What???” B.S shoots King Scott in the head, go back to Serge’s lab, and informs him about the situation. 

“I didn’t see anything about a Scott campaign for Boner City!” Serge says. 

“Yeah, with not many people, he could easily win.” 

“So, I guess our final showdown will be Bonerland.” 

“No, MY final showdown will be in Boner City.” B.S says, as he shoots B.B in the head, and throws him in the Grindr. “Thanks, Serge.” 

“No problem, I kinda hated him too. If anything, he’ll become part of the collective consciousness that is Plops.” 

“Wait, what?” 

“Yeah, Plops hears everyone who ends up in the Grinder.” 

“I know, I can hear what Plops is thinking when I’m nearby, that’s why I love leaving the lab, cause I gotta tell you, it sucks being inside that thing, I won’t stop complaining for s**t!” 

“Is that why you do so many drugs?” 

“Huh. Must be.” 

“Are you sure you didn’t need him?” 

“Nah, he was just a ripoff.” 

“Ok then.” 

“Thanks for manipulating his genes.” 

“Hey, it was my fault, I thought I did it right the first time.” 

“S**t.” 

“What?” 

“I can hear him in Plops.” 

“Go do something about it, I’ll see ya later, B.” 

“Later, boss.” Ballester goes into his room, downs an entire bottle of whiskey, and does a fat line of meth. It’s so much on his brain, that his head explodes. The headless body falls over, and lies there for hours with blood just gushing out. Xorgog sees this at some point and starts freaking out. She gets Serge to come over to check it out. 

“Oh, this is how he likes to relax.” 

“What do you mean relaxing? He doesn’t even have a head!” Xorgag screams. 

“He must have done so much, his brain couldn’t take it all. Trust me, you’ll have him back when he comes down.” Soon enough, Ballester’s head grows back, and he pukes. 

“Oh man, I am FUCKED up!” Ballester says. 

“I thought you were dead!” Xagrog says, as she slaps Ballester, tears in her eyes. 

“Baby, I can’t stay dead, you know that.” 

“I’ve never gone through it with you yet, I was totally unprepared.” 

“Hilarious, isn’t it?” 

“NO! I WAS WORRIED” 

“What did you think I meant when I said I was immortal?” 

“Just that you’d never get old.” 

“That’s just a cosmetic effect, baby. I could be disintegrated and still come back.” The ground begins to rumble. “The f**k?” 

“What?” 

“Last time the ground shook like that, the Zorkons invaded.” Ballester leaves his room and heads towards Serge’s lab, with Xagrog following him.