Chapter XCIV: Chimmy, the Hot Dog God

Chapter XCIV: Chimmy, the Hot Dog God 

“So, you’re really leaving us too?” Ballester asks Chimmy. 

“These hot dog people think I’m some kind of god, I’m not gonna pass up an opportunity like that.” Chimmy says. 

“I guess, but still, it seems like everyone’s leaving.” 

“I know it’s hard for you that all of your friends are leaving, but at least you still got your girl and your kids, and Serge.” 

“I guess...” 

“It was an honor serving with you.” 

“You were a great security guard.” Serge tells Chimmy. 

“Thanks, boss.” 

“So, you’re going to be in charge of a whole planet?” 

“Yeah. Any advice?” 

“You can’t please everyone, but you can try your best to.” 

“Makes sense.” 

“Are you ready, dear leader?” A hot dog guy asks Chimmy. 

“Yeah, I guess, you got my BBW?” 

“Yes, thanks to your leader Serge, we were able to create a female for you.” 

“F****n’ right, doggy.” They board the ship, and Chimmy waves goodbye from the bridge. 

“We can’t wait to get you home! Your queen is waiting for you in your chambers!” He leads Chimmy to his room, and inside is a giant female hot dog dog. 

“Damnnn, nice! What’s her name?” 

“We’ve been calling her Chubbie.” 

“Works for me. Now, uh, let us be.” 

“Yes, sire.” The hot dog guy leaves the room, leaving Chimmy and Chubbie together. 

“So, Chubbie, is it? What’s up, girl?” 

“Oh hi, you must be the glorious leader I heard so much about!” Chubbie says. 

“According to those hot dog dudes, yeah I am, the name is Chimmy.” 

“It IS you!” She makes out with him, and soon they’re having freaky hot dog doggie sex. Soon, they land on the planet, and Chimmy and Chubbie are being carried through the crowds, waving and smiling, when all of a sudden, a bullet hits Chimmy in the head, killing him. The end. Just kidding, it was just a dream Chimmy was having. He wakes up in the bed next to a naked Chubbie. 

“What a fucked up dream.” There’s a knock at the door, and one of the hot dog guys is there. 

“We’ve landed, sire.” 

“Oh good.” Chimmy and Chubbie leave the ship, and are escorted to the temple/manor. “Wow, it looks even better than it did last time!” 

“Yes sir, we made sure to polish everything.” Chimmy rips off his bun and throws it to the crowd, who cheer and start eating it. “This way to the throne room.” Chimmy follows the hot dog guy to a giant room with a golden hot dog shaped throne. 

“Where is my wife supposed to sit?” 

“Yes sir, I’ll get on it right away.” He bows and exits the room. 

“You can sit down, babe. I wanna walk around.” He wanders around, looking at the stained glass, checking out the bread baked floor, onion gossamer curtains, and lots of chairs facing the throne. 

“Help!” Chubbie calls. 

“What’s the matter, babe?” 

“I’m stuck, I can’t get up!” Chimmy whistles at the nearest servants, who pull her out. Five hot dog guys come in carrying a giant throne that’s put in and installed next to Chimmy’s. She takes her seat next to Chimmy, and the room starts filling up with hot dog people. 

“What’s up, my people?” They bow to him before they take their seat. They just sit there staring at him. “...so...what’s up?” 

“What are your orders, sire?” One of them asks. 

“I...I don’t f*****g know, dance for me.” The hot dog people start dancing all discombobulated with no apparent rhythm. “Stop, that was horrible.” 

“What would you like us to do now?” 

“I don’t know, I’ve never done this before.” They start talking amongst each other. 

“He’s not the real Chimmy!” One of them yells. 

“What? Yes I am! My name is Chimmy, the hot dog king, and you are all my servants!” 

“Yes, sire, I apologize for my outburst, you may execute me if you wish.” 

“That won’t be necessary.” 

“Thank you, my lord.” 

“This is weird, I don’t know if I can get used to this.” Chimmy gets up, and heads to his bedchamber. He calls Serge. “Yo, Serge. What am I supposed to be doing?” 

“Ruling.” Serge says. 

“Yeah, but how do I do that?” 

“Tell them what to do.” 

“I don’t know what to tell them.” 

“Tell them to do whatever you want them to do.” 

“I did, it went horribly wrong.” 

“What did you tell them to do?” 

“Dance.” 

“Ugh.” Serge rubs his eyes with his finger and thumb. “All right, you said all they do is eat each other, right?” 

“Yeah, except the scientists.” 

“Ok, that’s a good start, you need to build a society, I’m sending you curriculums for your citizens to learn so you can have doctors, teachers, builders, whatever. Start sending them to school, you might have to teach them yourself, unless the scientists can do it for you.” 

“Ok, that’s a good start, thanks, boss.” 

“Just call me Serge, I’m not your boss anymore, good luck.” He hangs up. Chimmy reenters the throne room, where nobody has moved. 

“All right, so we’re going to build a functioning society.” 

“What is society?” A hot dog guy asks. 

“Oh, geez.” Chimmy facepalms himself. “Where’s the scientists?” A few select from the crowd move toward Chimmy. “Could you please explain to your people what needs to be done? And could you do the teaching?” A couple of months later, the hot dog people are a functioning society, and are getting smarter. Two hot dog people are talking to each other one day. 

“Are we sure he’s the one the prophecy spoke of?” One says to another. 

“That’s what we’re told.” his friend responds. 

“But what if we were lied to?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“One day we’re happy eating each other, and then one day this guy shows up and we have to believe that he’s Chimmy reincarnated, but was Chimmy even real? I don’t remember seeing him.” 

“You know, me neither.” 

“I think we’re being played for fools.” 

“How so?” 

“They brought this guy to control us. We were happy just eating each other, and now look, we’re building a statue to this guy.” 

“So, what should we do about it?” 

“Let’s kill him.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Look, I’ve talked to other people who think the same thing.” 

“Well, you make a lot of sense, what’s the plan?” 

“Come to my house tonight, I’m holding a meeting.” Later that night, there’s a crowd of hot dog people in his house. “...and he shows up out of nowhere, and we’re supposed to believe he’s the reincarnated version of Chimmy? He’s not even from our planet!” 

“But the prophecy says he won’t be.” Someone says. 

“Yes, but look at his features, he’s not even a hundred percent hot dog, he’s part alien. And I heard a rumor he wasn’t even always a hot dog.” 

“The prophecy DID say he was going to be created, not born a hot dog.” 

“Who’s side are you on?” 

“I’m just saying, he fits all of the requirements.” 

“Well, I don’t believe it. The old Chimmy just fed us, this new Chimmy has building statues and buildings and such for him, that’s not who Chimmy is.” 

“Hey, yeah! There was nothing in the prophecy about our lives changing, just that he was coming back.” 

“Exactly. This guy is an imposter. Tonight, we’re going to burn him and his wife in their bed.” Everyone cheers as they grab ketchup lava guns and mustard acid guns. The small army marches towards Chimmy Manor, killing the guards on the way. Chimmy wakes up to the screaming. 

“What the f**k?” He arms himself with the weapons he was given. “Babe, wake up, I think something is wrong.” She wakes up, and he arms her too. The door starts bowing with the hot dog guys trying to knock it down. 

“Oh hey, it’s unlocked.” Chimmy hears from the other side. The door opens, and Chimmy is greeted by the crowd of rebels. 

“What the f**k do you want?” Chimmy asks as he readies a chili cheese plasma grenade. 

“We’re here to kill you, blasphemer.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“You’re not Chimmy, you’re just here to run our lives.” 

“That’s what a leader does.” 

“No, Chimmy fed us, that was it. We were free to do whatever else we wanted.” 

“You still can do whatever you want, you just have jobs now.” 

“We didn’t have jobs before, your only function is to feed the populace with your bread.” The hot dog guy c***s his ketchup lava gun. “Prepare to die, you fake messiah.” 

“Lay down your weapons, and I promise you’ll live to be imprisoned.” 

“Never.” At the same time Chimmy gets hit with a splatter of ketchup on his bun, he chucks the chili cheese grenade, melting a few hot dog guys. 

“Surrender, and the rest of you will be spared. Guards!” The remaining guards come up behind the crowd. “The choice is yours.” The crowd begins to charge, and Chimmy chucks another bomb, as the guards impale the rest of the crowd. “Thank you, guards.” 

“Yes sir!” They chant together. 

“Dispose of the bodies properly and guard my door whilst me and the queen go back to sleep.” 

“Yes sir!” The next day, Chimmy is standing in front of the usual congregation. 

“Last night, there was an attack on the castle. Intelligence reports that it was citizens who doubted I am your beloved Chimmy. I’m here to tell you that I am Chimmy, and anyone who wishes to do me harm as a result of non belief will be immediately jailed.” He rips off his bread, and throws it to the crowd. “Only Chimmy can do that without procreating. Speaking of procreation, my wife is pregnant, and so, after I die, my children will take my place until the next Chimmy arrives.” The crowd cheers. 

“All hail Chimmy, all hail Chimmy!” The crowd chants. Chimmy basks in the reverence of the crowd, enjoying every minute of it. 

“Now, everyone, continue on with your lives, and starting this weekend, we will have a weekly service to worship the Chimmy legacy, starting with the original, and continuing with me. Whoever is the Chimmy expert shall be the preacher, and you will all be able to bask in my presence and worship me as I feed you my hot dog buns!” The crowd cheers again, and starts their chant again. 

“All hail Chimmy, all hail Chimmy!” They repeat over and over again, as Chimmy once again basks in the glory with a huge smile on his face. 

Reviews

[ETERNITY]

Yay! I remembered my password!'
THIS is the writing I fell in love with!
Crazy but imaginable.
Hey! A fitting punishment would be to skewer them and roast them over an open fire!
This is so great, Sergio!