Chapter C: The End of 'The End of the World' World

Chapter C: The End of the ‘End of the World’ 

World 

Well, here it is, the final chapter of the Ballester Sallone Saga. If you made it this far, I thank you, truly. I never thought anyone would make it past the first chapter, let alone one hundred. If you are reading this, you’ve exceeded my expectations. Sorry, I’m drunk as s**t right now, haha. So, how do we end this thing? How about some random a*s s**t? That’s Ballester enough for you? So anyway, one day, Ballester is butt flossing with barbed wire when all of a sudden, a truck hits him and kills him. He wakes up in his room and s***s on the floor and dies. He wakes up again, in a pile of s**t, slips, falls and dies. Haha, what a stupid a*****e, let’s point and laugh at him. HAHAHAHAHAHA! He leaves his room and comes across a Scott who just sits there and farts s**t out his eyes. Then, Ballester takes a baseball bat out of nowhere and decapitates Scott. “Home run!” Ballester says. Ballester rub mustard on his tits for no reason and it attracts a Ching. Ballester eats the Ching and farts out penises. Shiny the unicorn comes to Ballester and shoves his horn up his a*s. “Ow!” 

“Sowwy, Ballester, I didn’t mean to hurt ‘oo.” 

“It’s ok, Shiny.” Ballester rips the horn off the unicorn’s head and chucks it into the distance, and Shiny dies. “Yah!” Zombie Shiny poops out a gray rainbow as they fly into the sky. Ballester eats the marshmallow clouds and drinks the piss rain. “Weeeeee!” Ballester jumps into the sun and dies again. He wakes up in his room, eats the s**t off the floor, and blows his brains out. He wakes up again, goes to Serge’s lab, and pisses on the floor. 

“What are you doing, Ballester?” Serge asks. 

“Just pissing.” 

“Don’t you have a job to do?” 

“Oh, right, duh!” He goes and decapitates an entire village, then sets up a stand. “Heads for sale, get them before they rot!” His stand is rushed, and he sells out within minutes. “Well, that was easy.” He returns to the lab, and throws the bundle of money on Serge’s desk. 

“Thanks.” 

“Now, go kill yourself.” 

“Will do, boss.” He blows his brains out again. He wakes up the next day and goes back to work. “Free ears for sale, only fifty cents, get your free ears, here!” He shouts as he’s missing his ears. 

“Duh, I’ll buy it with my nose!” Scott says. He rips off his nose and trades it with Ballester for the ears. Scott skips away happily as Ballester pisses in his own mouth. He shoves a grenade up his own a*s and dies again. 

“Buy corn.” Gorgon tells you. “Corn...corn...corn...” Have you bought that corn yet? This is the second time I’ve reminded you. Remember, only Corn co. has the best corn available! While you’re at it, grab a carton of Mommy Milk! The only milk made with actual breast milk! Comes in plain, vanilla, chocolate, and banana. Coming soon: Caramel! Ask your local retailer today! And now, back to the show! 

“Penises for sale! Who wants a penis? Who’s hungry for penis?” Ballester is shouting from his stand. Again, he’s rushed and sells out within minutes. “Damn, this job is easy.” He randomly explodes. “My name is garbage, please s**t on me.” He tells Scott. Scott s***s on him and Ballester eats it and shoots himself in the head. 

“Hi, it’s me, Shitbag!” Shitbag says. 

“I missed you, baby.” Ballester says as they make out. Shitbag starts humping Ballester, and blows his load inside of him, causing Ballester to explode again. Ballester wakes up, and immediately castrates himself, feeding his balls to Shitbag. Serge comes over. 

“What are you doing?” Serge asks. 

“I’m stupid!” Ballester says, as he starts blowing Shitbag. 

“I know you are, where’s Scott?” 

“He’s drinking horse pee pee.” 

“Great.” Serge goes out looking for Scott, who is indeed blowing a horse. “Lovely.” Serge shoots Scott in the head, and leaves him to rot. A gang of cannibals picks up the body and takes it with them. It starts raining cum, and Serge uses his umbrella, and goes back into the lab. “What the hell is going on here? Scorpious?” I don’t answer him, he doesn’t know me. Ballester and Shitbag, arm in arm, are grilling penises on the grill. 

“This will be yummy!” Shitbag says. 

“I love you!” Ballester says as he starts to blow Shitbag again. 

“I love you too!” Ballester cuts off his own penis and throws it on the grill. 

“This is fun!” 

“Yeah it is!” Ballester uses a piece of pizza to wipe his a*s with. 

“Give me a cum sandwich, daddy!” Shitbag blows his load in Ballester’s mouth, and his head explodes. A Ching comes by and eats Shitbag and Ballester cries so hard about it. A random Scott shows up and unzips his skin, and the meat skeleton comes out. It jumps on the grill with the penises. Ballester is in Serge’s lab. “So doc, can you help me out here?” He squeezes a lump on his nuts, and when it bursts, a thick, black, chunky fluid comes out and Ballester passes out. 

“Looks like milk.” Serge says as he takes a straw and snorts it. What am I even doing? I don’t even f*****g know. Well, I AM God after all, their lives are in my hands, hence the stupid a*s s**t I’m making them do. I know, you’re probably asking ‘well, if he erased them from existence the last two chapters, how is this chapter even operational? Because I can. I do what I want, and you can’t stop me. Muahahaha! Scott and Ballester are bathing in a giant tub of horse semen, when lightning strikes them dead. Yeah, I’m a dick, so what? They’re fictional characters, which means their lives are mine to do whatever I wish. Ballester burps up fully grown chickens and s***s out fully grown hippos. His a*****e is stretched so f*****g huge that Scott crawls inside of it. Ballester then gives birth to Scott through his penis, because that’s how things work in this world. Why? Because I said so, that’s f*****g why. Trust me, there’s no plot twists or anything really plot substantial in this chapter, it’s another nonsense chapter, akin to how actual Ballester comics are. I think this book came out pretty good though, I’m actually surprised myself, cause I didn’t think a book of nonsense would have a plot, but there we go. I gotta be honest, I think this turned out better than the comic strips I wrote. Sure the visuals were funny, but that’s what it mostly was. Eating cheese is great. I never expected the comics to take off, it was more for me and people I knew to laugh at. But this book here, this is for everyone. Everything that happened in the book happened for a reason. Thanks for listening, and reading. Ballester takes his eyes out and throws them in the garbage, because that’s where they belong. I warned you that it’ll sound like the ramblings of an insane person, and if you didn’t believe me, then you found out for yourself. 

“I love you, Ballester!” Scott says as he hugs Ballester. 

“F**k off.” Ballester says as he blows Scott’s brains out. “Oopsie, looks like I made a messy poo.” 

“Yeah, you did!” Scott says, his brains leaking out of his head. 

“How are you still alive?” 

“I don’t know.” He dies. 

“Anal party!” It starts raining asses. Not just any asses, but dirty asses, so it smells like f*****g s**t. But of course, Ballester picks them up and licks the a******s anyway, cause he’s a dirty, dirty boy. “I love the taste of s**t!” He smiles, and you can see the Corn Co. brand corn in his teeth among the s**t. 

“Buy corn.” Gorgon says as he hypnotizes you into buying corn. Did you get that corn yet? Buy corn. Yeah, a lot of comics involved Gorgon randomly showing up and hypnotizing the reader into buying corn, it was a running joke. 

“Oh, Alfredo!” Alfredo comes out of nowhere and eats Scott. A squirrel runs by with Ballester’s nut sack in its mouth. “Hey, give that back!” He chases it right off a cliff, and the squirrel runs up a tree. Ballester turns himself inside out and s***s his rectum out. He picks it up, grills it, and eats it. He takes a hammer and smashes his head with it. His brain falls out onto the grill, and he eats it. He swells up and explodes s**t everywhere. 

“We are gathered here in remembrance of Ballester Sallone, a real piece of f*****g s**t.” Serge says, as he pisses on Ballester’s body. 

“Hey, that’s not nice!” 

“Myeh, myeh myeh myeh!” Serge mocks. 

“Not cool, man.” 

“Cry about it.” Ballester starts crying. He then starts jerking off, and hard, bloody chunks come out, and he dies again. Sucks to be Ballester, constantly dying over and over again, huh? I can barely make it through this life without wanting to die, I can’t imagine being in Ballester’s situation, where he can’t die, no matter how many times he does. Well, that’s what he gets for being in Serge’s lab. Speaking of Serge’s lab, Plops has the entire thing almost covered by now, he’s just stretching himself over it, slowly but surely. “I fingered it out!” Serge says as he holds up a pocket p***y. 

“What?” 

“Nothing. Come here, check this out, I wanna show you something.” 

“Ok.” Serge shoots him in the head and kills him. 

“Was that it?” 

“Yeah.” Ballester drops his pants, and rolls his dick is coated in a thick layer of smegma.  

“You like this?” 

“No, but Scott might.” 

“Did someone call me?” Scott says. 

“Suck his dick and eat the smegma.” Scott does. After Ballester blows his load, he smacks Scott so hard across the face that his head gets turned around 180 degrees and he dies. 

“Take that, sucka!” Ballester says. Roaches crawl out of his a*s and eat Scott’s body. Ballester s***s on Scott’s body and Serge and Ballester high five. 

“So, I think I have this figured out.” 

“What?” 

“I think I can reset everything back to normal again.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, I can undo the past twenty years.” 

“Why would you wanna do that?” 

“Cause you won’t be immortal anymore.” 

“Hmm...” 

“Yeah!” 

“I don’t know, I’ve gotten used to it at this point. Besides, I don’t wanna get stuck with Molly again.” 

“Why not? This could be your chance to have a normal family.” 

“I have a normal family. I love my kids, I don’t want them erased. Besides, they remind me of Gorgax.” 

“Who?” 

“Oh right, we’re in the comic-verse.” 

“The what?” 

“But wait, if we’re in the comic-verse, then why is Plops-” Serge tases him. 

“You’re asking too many questions.” Serge drags Ballester back to the lab. When Ballester wakes up, he finds his n*****s hooked up to a car battery. “Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey.” 

“What’s going on? Why’s it so dark in here?” Serge gives him a jolt of electricity. “What the f**k, dude?” 

“You tell me, what’s your name?” 

“Ballester Sallone.” 

“Good, what year is it?” 

“You’ve never been clear about that.” 

“Good. How many kids do you have?” 

“Four living, one dead.” Serge electrocutes him. 

“How many kids do you have?” 

“I just told you-aaahhh!” Serge shocks him again. 

“How. Many. Children. Do. You. Have?” 

“One?” 

“Good answer.” 

“Can I go now?” 

“Nah, the lab is sealed shut, Plops is covering the whole thing.” 

“Who’s Plops?” 

“See, now you’re getting it. It’s my world, you’re just living in it.” He gives Ballester another shock. “Only I can change canon, you however, cannot.” 

“I CANON-NOT?” Ballester says with a smirk. Serge just moves the cables from his n*****s to his ball sack and zaps him again, this time for longer than the last few times. “Jeez, learn to take a joke, huh?” 

“You are a joke. This whole thing is a joke. Everything that happened is a f*****g joke.” 

“I don’t get it.” 

“Then you’re in the wrong place, m**********r.” 

“Look, just let me go already, ok?” 

“Not gonna happen.” 

“What the f**k? Why do you do this to me?” 

“Because I can, and because it’s His will.” 

“Oh, don’t start on that again.” 

“Shh... it’ll all be over soon.” 

“What? It’s not like you can kill me, I’ll just come back to life.” 

“That’s not for me to decide.” 

“Oh, what? It’s up to Scorpious?” 

“Nope, not even up to him.” 

“Then who?” 

“It’s up to you.” Serge tells You. 

“Who are you talking to?” Serge just smiles, as he presses a ‘reset’ button on his computer in an attempt to reset the mistakes he’s made, but instead, he ends up destroying the entire Earth. 

The End 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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