INK PIECE

no matter how badly it hurts no matter how much it kills. the beauty is worth the pain.

the ink is flowing from my pen again, this time it's bleeding red.....

 

people
 leave
  pieces
   everywhere
i leave my stain on them
they leave their stains on me

 

people
they pass in
 they pass through
  they pass out

 

some pull their flesh back for all to see
and others,
 they rip the flesh right off of me

 

people give
 open & unlock
   allowing me to taste their salty skin
and in return
i let them sink their teeth deep within

 

it's a wonderous thing.

 

people
 they pass in
  they pass through
   they pass out

 

it happens slow, it happens quick
needles and thread
sewing us together
our insides we pour
our chords we tangle and twist
the weaving and the grafting of
them & me

of "us"

until one decides to sever...

 

let it begin
 this open heart surgery
where breathing turns to gasping

and my fingers they are gripping

a knee-jerk reaction to the fact that i am losing.

then everything goes black

my body limp

the blood it turns

 from warm to cold.

 we flatline
  our friendship sounds a piercing steady beep

 

people
 they pass in
  they pass through
   they pass out

 

withdrawl is like the pain,
which is inevitable.
excruciating, agonizing
searing, harrowing
grueling, consuming

 

consuming, so consuming
 
i love the way it works
i hate the way it hurts

 

people
they leave and they come back
 they leave and never return
it's the latter that i choke on
those ones who leave without a word

 

looking up.
i see the white lights that litter a clear night sky
each star represents a bullet i've been shot with.
take it out and stitch me up
cause i'm going out to battle again
and again
and again.
till i'm riddled with holes.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Poem is outstanding. We allow people in and we are part of life for a time. I like the word usage. Create a powerful poem. "Till i'm riddled with holes." Poem was a pleasure to read. Thank you.
Coyote

[Cliff Rhodes]

This writing has a very heartfelt human touch to it and rings out over and over again across an infinite space. Beautiful.

[TheodoreBlack]

I really liked the way this flowed down the page; unfolded and changed in its sense as it moved downwards. It felt like a real journey.

I don't usually like the use of repeated words in poetry. I consider any repeated word a potential waste, and yet with this write I think it works extremely well. Each time I read the repeated phrase 'people they pass in, they pass through, they pass out', it had a different meaning in it's new location. Its new context. This was really effective for me and I enjoyed it immensely.

The changing sense of this poem is done with great fluidity and is an easy experience for the reading. You manage to move us through the various stages of relationship organically; and yet, you make clear distinctions from one stage to another. In other words, the reader knows where they are at all times but without feeling sign posted or as if they are crossing past fence posts or the like.

I enjoyed this write a great deal. Credit to you :)

[shel]

here i go again, suggesting cutting the final lines. the last 3...what you express here is said in the previous stanza, and more effectively, i think. there's a lot of repetition in here, which i think comes from the flow of ink sensation you're going for, and the pace you want.
i really liked this:
'i leave my stain on them
they leave their stains on me'
that idea, the give and take, resurfaces in the piece in slightly different ways, and in some cases, feels almost violent. i liked the idea of being 'grafted' together. and this line:
a knee-jerk reaction to the fact that i am losing (the grief you know is just around the corner.)

[Kara Emily Krantz]

Great piece!

"some pull their flesh back for all to see
and others,
they rip the flesh right off of me"

LOVED the rhyme here. loved the concept too. I also liked you chose the word "stains" instead of something more cliche or used.


"let it begin
this open heart surgery"

LOVED IT


"i love the way it works
i hate the way it hurts"

the slant rhyme here is perfect.

great job!

hugs

[Jaclyn]

Always always ALWAYS you get deep under my skin with your imagery and rhythm. You know I loved it. I suck as a reviewer for your writing because I am completely impartial because I just EXPECT it to be good at this point. :) Favoriting.

[Celtic Cat]

This is agonizingly beautiful. I always say "we're born alone, we die alone, and everything in between is transient", but I like the way you say it better!! : ) This piece is beyond brilliant, not just because of the universiality of it, but because of the sheer pain, bleeding upon the page, the powerful imagery, and the fact that you won't let it stop you from loving again. Genius.

[RaindropsRoses93]

This piece is absolutely amazing and the addition of the music just made the images play in my mind.

[Just Manoosh]

This is simply amazing.

I want to shout let the truth be told! Such clarity of every day life, your descriptions are so precise and I am sure they hit home with every single reader.

"One" of my favourite parts is:

some pull their flesh back for all to see
and others,
they rip the flesh right off of me

Brilliantly done.
Mx