The Whirlpool

I fell in love

Once

When I was still young

And strong

I fell in a whirlpool
In a whirlpool I fell

My heart got distraught
My brains went on holidays

I fell
And fell deeper

I fell in a cauldron
And seeped the lava of love

And I blew
Until I blew up

I whirled in a pool
My hands set out to clasp

Yours.

But they got thin air
In a pool
Where feelings whirled

And I fell
Against my own weight

I fell in love with an illusion
And it eluded me all my life

I fell in love with life
And I fell

Deep in a volcano
Of jealousy

Until it spit me out
Magma once, lava now

And I fell
On my feet

But they couldn’t resist
The weight of responsibility

My legs gave way
As I cranked under pressure

Until

I was finally felled
By a reality

My illusion
Had been nothing but
An illusion

And I fell
In a trance
As the whirlpool
Swept me off my legs
And took me away in its arms
On a trip
Along the carousel of life and death

I fell in love
With the whirlpool

And embraced life

Whirl me around
But love me

So what if I get dizzy?

Reviews

[realmwriter]

I like the spacing and pace of each stanza, kinda makes it seem like it was all a dream. Reads that way to me as well. Very dream. Course when I wake up my head feels like its in a dream for at least five minutes. The whirlpool is a nice touch, adds yet another layer to a dreamscape that you have laid out in these words. Awesome write man

[Scytheriax]

The flow is a little put off by the seemingly erratic spacing but otherwise I enjoy this piece.
Some words are reused a bit and it throws it off a tad too.
Nicely done

[sivan]

this is one of your best i think. great imagery and topic. this gets to me the most:
And I fell
In a trance
As the whirlpool
Swept me off my legs
And took me away in its arms
On a trip
Along the carousel of life and death

[Ripple of Aqua]

I like how thought through you are with your words. The way that you made the metaphor of a whirlpool for love was brilliant.

[*~*Butterfly Kisses*~*]

Very unique and clever piece. Well-written. Nicely done!

[Dearantlers]

I love where you say
"So what if I get dizzy?"
This poem was funny, and I loved reading it. It was amazing.

[Kat Collins]

Unique write. The rhythm of the poem was dreamy, lost in thought, caught in the flow of the river. I really like the repetition of I fell...it simply drives the point home without becoming redundant or annoying. It's as though you are in a haze, a fog, and stumbling your way along. Loved it.

[daydreamer]

good write:0

[Kenneth The Poet]

Not bad.

[TWISTED NIGHTMARE]

it was creative and very imaginative... also it shows what love can really do to a person and their heart

[Rene Velez]

Man I felt dizzy after this read...cool concept and connection...