As most of the poems I submitted, this is far from a cheerful poem. Somehow I feel the end is too abrupt and I get the impression that the poem needs a bit of polishing...
Hmm... I wrote that some time back. I think I never finished the poem...
I normally never touch again what I wrote, but for this one, I think I will have to...
My Review
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The poem remind me how we think of our leaders in the USA. We want to toss things at them. Sometime we can feel like the enemy. I did like how you ended the poem. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote
I think this is a good poem with potential and you say this is a cheerful poem but when i was reading it , i felt there was nothing of it but when i was reading , i felt like it was darker poem of yours . i think it will need some polishing and in some parts , it didn't do it for but i like the toning , the wording and the meaning but something felt missing .
Perhaps the last five lines seem a bit plain compared to the previous stanzas but overall you have a great use of diction which really stands out. You're a really good writer who delve into the richness of words from what I can see. I'll soon be reading more. Great job.
I wouldn't touch it. I rarely ever retouch my work either except to remove unnecessary words that I find from time to time. I think it is perfect as is.
yes I agree the ending was a bit abrupt, but it also suits the poem if you understand what I mean...I love how you used something as concrete as a wall but I was still able to understand your emotions...i absolutely loove ur writing!
FINISHED OR UNFINISHED I GET THE POINT. IS A POEM EVER FINISHED? BUT THIS IS A GREAT WRITE. I DON'T THINKS YOU WILL HAVE TO RETOUCH THIS. LEAVE IT AS IT IS, RAW, UNEDITED, AND "UNFINISHED". I THINK IT'S GREAT.