What is life?

I put alot of thought into this one hope yall like it

Martin Luther King
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.

well let me be the first to say i really did care about my life today...

what was i gonna do just stop what i was saying just to pray and thank god for my life today?

there are more important things for me to worry about, things that even Dr.king would throw above and over, out of god f*****g reach.

things like caring for a friend or learning to teach and, 

i don't mean no school s**t, bull s**t, hell no i mean teaching a crowed of people out side of you'r house why the hell you don't believe in god.

it all started when i was a boy, living in south side fort worth with my moma and my dada selling cheap type one heroine to people who would give up there own children for the s**t, 

cops busted down the door, took my parents away for seven long years i prayed but nothing f*****g worked, i didn't even really believe, but i didn't know why i couldn't believe but all the other kids at school could, oh why oh why? couldn't

 i have been given such a talented gift, to have an imaginary friend and believe in him.

that was when i lived with my grandma and papa, back in 1995 until 2001 when i finally got to see my mom again, but my dad had split, he didn't even say goodbye, oh well guess thats life.

fast forward to two years later, i am i'm elementary school surrounded by three kids, older than me found out i was atheist, and decided they were gonna kill me, thats south side for ya, so i f*****g slammed each of there heads into a wall and got suspended for a self defensive act inwich i fought back?

i still remember the red hair on that dumb b***h, telling me i should have been a snitch.

2005 the passing of a titan, larry lyle (papa) dies in the heat of a hot summer day, he in my thoughts always...

same year, same s**t different school, some guy decides to mock my dead gpaw, that ain't cool, so i slammed his face into a metal pole. how was i supposed to know he had such a fragile nose?luckily it was close to the end of my last middle school year.

but thoughts of high school filled me with fear and, 

frustration and anger, 

its now 2006 and i see an angel a black haired black eyed goddess sent from above, i eve start thinking that i believe, but i am gonna get straight to the real s**t...

lets forward this clock a little faster,2010

she is laying on my bed completely in the nude, but i am not on top of her its another dude,

i wanted to kill him i wanted to end her, so i just surrendered.

she might as well have tossed my heart into a F*****g blender...

oh and by the way my piece of s**t dad came back with a speed addiction and an attitude to beat, he f*****g sits on the god damned couch and doesn't do s**t..

so there is the first half of my life, and now might i ask you...if this is how it is all filled with hatred and strife....What the F**k is Life?

Author's Note

well i thought this one long and hard, but after my father and i got into a huge argument about the fact that he doesnt have a job, nor DOES HE DO ANYTHING around the house while my mother and sister are at work supporting this house, the only reason i am reluctant to get a job is bcuz if i do the house will get trashed cuz not even my stay at home dad cleans...peice of trailer shit... anyways, after the argument i saw the quote from MLK, and it tolled me to write about the things no one else know about me so that they can get a true understanding of my life and my writing. btw my mother has been clean for 10 years on sept 11!!! she is now the Vice president for Ramone A Cruz family practice here in denton texas, the numper on private practice practitioner in denton!

Reviews

[Pax Analog]

Wow. It's hard to chill along the Zen terms I brought up re parsing out the word a-theism, but I don't know of any other answer. The world is idiotic. All up and down the line. The only possible contribution to counter-imbecility is guerrilla scholarship w/a guerrilla expressive chaser. The core of said studies that matter is integral psych. Building bridges to and from Zen (shorthand for "getting it" not just a branch of Buddhism). One needs proactive tools w/so many damn triggers to angry reactivity. Life is Consciousness. Hardly anyone knows that. Study the greats, dump the rest. I have my own earned and occasionally accredited notions of what that means, if you're interested.

[RonnanTristan]

I love reading your story Shane! This is genuine and real... the emotions are raw I can almost smell it while reading this piece...

[the-One-with-the-Darkne..]

I like this. Good job, I enjoyed this. Your emotiond come through loud and clear. i like it.

[Art Sun]

life is filled with realities of addiction and lost children who live within a world that does not truly understand itself or the concept of Faith and God...not being religious here just a note that even the addicts can become positive producers within life even after all the pitfalls...

[Senseless whatever]

Interesting piece. If you are truly writing for self examination here, look closely at the solutions you have chosen and their outcomes. Change comes from within.

[Ashley]

as a peice of writing its very good and has clear meaning. hwever as a story it is not hooking and is too short. i think for a story there is too much swearing and it sounds crude. but as a peice of writing the swearing makes the emotion a lot more powerful. well done for writing about it

[KaySea]

very nice

[profile deleted]

A testimony of ones life, as hard as it was. You are still here & showing the world & whether you believe or not God that his son is doing the best he can with he knows! I applaud you for being so transparent! Great job writing your life down here for people to read! Testimonies start at home! No one is perfect & no one ever will be! By the way "it takes more faith not to believe in God than it does!" Proud of you! Great job! Hugs n Love!

[Jonathan De Elvira]

What a life...damn, I'm glad though u still living now...I can't imagine myself in ur shoes...I would have pull the trigger on my head...

Keep writing, there's many goin on with ur story n I feel 4 u I really do...
u have talents, u have strength, u have passion in writing n keep it forward..
one day u'll gonna be a famous writer n those people n those miserable life u had will found their amend...

keep writing...this one will be put in my list...