It's Science

A completely normal self-reflection

All these feelings that I have, and am experiencing, and will experience are only because of what chemicals were released in my body when things happen. I am being more and more inclined to this thought as days pass by.

Because I am able to realize that the relations I have now might not have been the same, if everything that happened till date deviated even a bit. I guess it's all a random coincidence/consequence that I have what I have with whomever I have that.

If someone said, that an other-worldly invisible-to-me being is throwing a dice, and because of the result on the dice, the changes in my happen like they do, I would be very happy. Because I wouldn't have to think or worry about these matters anymore.

Of course, I can only hope that. But until someone says that to me, I am sticking to the "chemicals in my brain" theory I have just stated.

I hate that I am alone,

But what I hate more is mingling with the people around me while feeling what I am feeling towards them.

But after all is said and done, I feel good when I interact with people, sometimes.

But then, I feel like torture being in mere proximity of someone, and talking to them, sometimes.

Is it better to talk when I can, or to shut it all the time??

I cannot seem to find an end-game answer to this one.

 

I hate people, but then, I hate myself too.

But also, I live in my body. So, I guess loving myself, or trying to do it, comes naturally to me. That is why, sometimes I don't care what flaws I have, how spoiled I am behaving, and I just love myself. It's almost as if, I got no choice. That it's inevitable.

Though, I think doing the same with others is a more challenging task, huh?

Author's Note

English is my 2nd language (Or maybe 3rd, I don't remember). So, feel free to correct me wherever I was real pathetic.