Smoked Out

 

 

It is black beyond the wooden frame,

Yes, it’s black not dark,

It seems so for ages now,

Well,

May be I missed on the sun or perhaps the sun missed me out,

But I had been here all along, gazing out.

 

And it’s smoky white inside this smothering structure,

White, angelic white,

The vision is blurred.

 

But past the smoke,

I see a red though; it’s my 59^th smouldering cigarette,

It’s burnt till the butt, and the tip of my lips,

But it doesn’t burn,

I want to suck in till the last cannabis burns,

And make the bitter smoke linger forever.

 

I feel so light,

Am I high?

Perhaps

This addiction is not good, I do know.

But I am not addicted; the pain is addicted, it’s my foe.

Inflicting pain, with every moment.

 

Hmmm…. I stub the butt somewhere.

Now, I need more.

I fumble for the pack,

But I have no-more.

 

Goddamn it.

How do I fight the pain now?

Die I might, if I’m not high

 

Let me deceit my-self for sometime more,

And play the happy-man without cigarette any-more.

 

 

Reviews

[R J Askew]

I thought the intimacy of the piece was its most appealing feature. i could feel you thinking as you smoked, weighing things up. I assumed the first verse was about your personal outlook. Tis sad to be in the black emotionlly, but the description is very effective, if I have read it right. More broadly, I have often watched smokers -- now reduced to standing outside buildings in London -- and they seem to have a look of great introspection often, i presume as their bodies are focussing on the hit, the relaxation, or the brief moment of escape. There is also a strange romance about smoking, a cavalier hedonism. On the other hand it is an evil thing. I dunno much about getting high as I can't be bothered any more. A mocha and half an hour reading in a quiet cafe is all the high I seem to need now. The poem also reminded me very strongly of my father smoking -- untipped Capstan Full Strength. He even used to re-roll the stumps. Can you imagine the tar concentration? You can imagine how things ended for him. I should add I smoked myself when i was 18-24. Sod it, just quit! Poem works really well, very evocative. Got me thinking that for sure.

[PhoeniX]

oh i liked this very much. so poetic in your verses. this was well written. well done!

[Rain]

lol. I may be the only person whose surgeon told him to smoke. He asked did I smoke, my reply was " Cancer causes smoking," It is both a good thing and a bad thing when your doctor tells you to continue smoking. I just become outraged at people who sue. I knew when I was 12, the smoking was bad, back in 1955. We called them coffen nail even then. I liked this piece. Rain..

[Daisy]

I don't like smoking much. Although I agree about changing your feelings in life I want to have the hurt here and now and be able to respond to it. I admit I drink a lot of wine sometimes for a high that quickly leads to depression but I know whats coming so I can control myself. Smoking anything I never know when I start to feel bad then I can't get rid of that intensity of awful feeling.

[Imperfection]

Sometimes it's more comfortable to live with pain than an empty existence.

Well written.

[Anshul Khandelwal]

God this is so true.. We all know it not good.. yet the pain that gives is worth it.. I love that pain.. Nice stuff.. I love it :)

[ah]

this is really good, im just gonna point out a couple misspelled words though, line 5 first stanza, u should say maybe, line 4 in stanza 3, u should say its burnt to the butt.... i really like the line where u say ur not addicted, but the pain is, i really like that a ton... keep writing, its good, thanks for sharing

[Phibby Venable]

I love how the pain is addicted.
This is really a fine piece. strong and honest.
There is passion in your work.

[Anne Martin]

This is well put together, but suffers in a couple places from grammatical issues. I'll give you some "notes." (It will say "6 notes" or something like that to the right of the review - about ten minutes or so after I'm done writing it.)

It's a dark piece, but I like its honesty. Again, it's not clear what you are smoking.

[Tania Leigh]

A convincing glimpse into the thoughts of someone wrestling with their demons...well done

[Kat Williams]

Interesting piece...the ending tied it all together for me. One question, are you smoking ciggies laced with mary jane?