She breathes; the roses smile

She breathes; the roses smile
Her lashes flutter
I stay entranced; No thoughts,
No words to utter

She is; the sky is blue
And the sun must shine
I know that God exists
For she is all mine

She isn't; for a while;
And the Earth is bare
Naught for me but to chase
Shadows through the air

She's everything and more:
My words are weak
My molten heart is flowing
Why must I speak?

The eloquence of Souls
Is a Lover's Gift
To bridge unfathomed  seas
And to heal the rift

Armed but with crumpled blossoms
Torment I must face
And fight my fear with fragrance
From her endless grace

Reviews

[Dinesh Sairam]

I have been avoiding rhyming poems since all I've seen lately are a mesh of cliche and bad diction. And this was a welcome sight! I've been trying to understand rhyming poems (I'm currently reading the works of Edward Thomas) and this certainly was a refreshment.

The poem's beginning stanzas have got such eloquence. My favorite was:

She isn't; for a while;
And the Earth is bare
Naught for me but to chase
Shadows through the air

I was disappointed, though, because there weren't any enjambments from one stanza to another, which would have contributed to a better flow. And I found the ending stanza was not really genuine. Perhaps if you could reword 'grace', everything will be much better. Just my humble opinions. Feel free to ignore.

Keep writing.

[Augustus]

Hi Dinesh! You had to pick my least favorite poem to review! :P
I'm very pleasantly surprised that you found it refreshing.

I agree with most of your critical remarks. When I wrote it, I too got the feeling that it started on a high and finished rather lamely. I have been avoiding it since, and haven't modified it. As far as enjambments are concerned, the original idea was to start each stanza with She is, She isn't etc, so that each one is self-contained. I think you were disappointed by the lack of enjambments largely because the later stanzas failed to live up to the standard of the first ones. Just MY humble opinions! :)

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your immensely insightful and helpful review!

[Awakened Rose]

There is something courageously pure about your writing and I absolutely love it!

[Augustus]

Thank you! :)

[Emily Feret]

Wow, what a beautiful moving piece. You had me entranced from start to finish. This really moved me. Thank you so so much for sharing!

[Augustus]

For a moment after your beautiful begin stanza

I was lost in this feeling, and flow, (in positive sense)
Till your ending was so strong again...

"Armed but with crumpled blossoms
Torment I must face
And fight my fear with fragrance
From her endless grace"

Just a fantastic piece my friend,
I shall read more. Thank you for sharing.

- Elisa

[Augustus]

Thank you so much Elisa!

My pleasure, I have missed reading your words! :)