The Promise

When I see rain clouds gather in the distance...

In the distance I can see them
Stirring in their sleep
Keeping a deluge at bay with their ashen-faced visage

In the distance I can hear them speak
I strain to fathom their cryptic, guttural words
And yet, they soothe my heart

Calm, deliberate, advancing
Disseminating the silent memories of oceanic splendor
Into the quivering earth

Flashing their flares of transient whiteness
Trees of light branching downwards
Urgent, sporadic messages for the rocks to pass on

And the messages reach me soon
The Earth's moisture flirting with my senses as I decipher the ancient tongue
"We have tasted thirst before, young one, and we shall come"

Reviews

[LawrenceRaybon]

"We have tasted thirst before, young one, and we shall come"

Absolutely beautiful! I usually offer constructive criticism but your work is so pristine in form, function and intent that I am at a loss. I can think of nothing helpful to offer other that to say you should look into submitting to poetry contests and magazines (and then get a book published).

Your work, both this piece and the others you have submitted here are worthy of being published, and frankly, it is a shame they aren't being shared with a wider audience. Let me know when your book of poetry comes out and I shall be the first in line to pick up a copy!

Rating 100/100

Thank you, sir, for setting the bar so high, I shall endeavor to meet your standard!

Cheers,
Lawrence

***Standard Disclaimer: These are my honest opinions and they are absolutely not meant as any kind of attack. I only comment on work that I think is good and only offer advice so that we can all become better writers. You are always free/welcome to heed or disregard my opinions/advice!***

[Augustus]

Wow, Lawrence, I am speechless. I really don't know what to say. I have always been satisfied with the praise and encouragement of my peers and neither wanted nor expected more out of my writing. But if what you say is true, maybe I should take it seriously.

Above all else, I consider myself a student and am still very much on the learning curve. Such well considered reviews as yours certainly keep me going. Can't thank you enough!

[Michael Kevin Spencer]

Ah! I see the strains of the romantics in your writing, great lines like:

1. Disseminating the silent memories of oceanic splendor
2. The Earth's moisture flirting with my senses as I decipher the ancient tongue

Very beauty-based. You have a unique style.

[Augustus]

Thanks a lot, Michael!

[emmajoy]

Beautiful, beautiful .. you've prompted the clouds to whisper, then speak out .. and that final line is literally heaven.sent. You've created a gentle sweep of movement high above and around .. and around. Calm. Smiling.

[Augustus]

Thank you so much Emma! You honour me!

[emmajoy]

:)

[steppenwolf]

I love this poem; I love all poems about nature. I like the line also.

[An owl on the moon]

What a sensuous, moving view.. metaphors and more filling the sky.. filling the full vision of the eyes and mine and heart. You describe so powerfully all that is to come in the storm's unleashing wildness.

[Augustus]

Thanks Craig! Much appreciated!

[Marie]

Excellent rendering of rain clouds. I love the last line.

[Augustus]

Thanks Marie!