Dreams Undreamed

A poem I wrote and used in a story I am still working on.

Utter madness, prithee tell,

is this heaven?

Is this hell?

 

Shadows play upon the dark,

creeping, twining,

leave no mark.

 

Thistles, thorns, bind me tight,

gentle whispers,

frozen night.

 

Crystal ice, a dancing flame?

Flower blossoms,

wild, un-tame.

 

Sloping paths of solid stone,

flowing quickly,

world unknown.

 

Faeries twirl within the sky,

kissing moonlight,

stars that lie.

 

Utter madness, prithee tell,

are you heaven?

Or are you hell?

Reviews

[McKenna]

love this piece! great job :)

[Twilight]

Well, this looks as if it may have been written quite quickly. Having said that, the rhyme scheme and flow are both very good. Your wording is also rather archaic, thus adding a little atmosphere of dread and ancient rites! Perhaps, it would be easier for readers to appreciate this poem, in the context of your story?

In some ways, it is slightly simplistic. Child-like even, not unlike an eerie chant, from the offspring of some dark lord! Indeed, that may have been what you intended the reader to think?

Thankyou for submitting this in my Contest, by the way! From what I have seen, you might enjoy being a member of the Group, "Beyond Fantasy"?