Into the Abyss

A little darker than my usual poems, but i hope you like it just the same.

An empty hole inside my stomach
pulling me in, pulling me in
into the abyss, the cold unwavering,
nothing left for the saving

A peace so loud that it shatters
flesh and bone, flesh and bone
So much light, it seems so dark
So invisible it leaves a mark

A whirlwind blowing all away
twisting and turning, twisting and turning
leaving this loneliness to grow and fester
like a friend none the bester

This empty hole inside my chest
growing deeper, growing deeper
Clouding my vision, muddling my thoughts
Should i surrender or should i not?

Author's Note

What do you think?

Reviews

[Robert Connor]

I'm sorry, but it does not fit in my contest:(

[.]

it's dark and mysterious but an interesting poem I liked it

[Willow B. Coldfeather]

Poetry doesn't have rules.
You can make up words :)
Just don't do it for the sake of a rhyme is all. As long as we understand what you're trying to convey... and I think we all do.
I really love how you repeat the 2nd line in every stanza.

The mood of it is really clear too. It's great!

[Chilson, Joshua]

"A peace so loud that is shatters" make "is" into "it"
"like a friend none the bester" "bester" isn't a word, but I know what you mean.

Other than those two little things, I love the poem, second stanza is my favorite as I can relate. Good job.

[poetic-raven2012]

I think regardless of how darj this is, it's a great poem. My favorite lines are the last two in the first stanza, but the first and last stanzas are my favorites in general. I think the rhyme in the last lines of the second stanza seems a bit forced; i think you might wanna change the work 'lark' to something that doesn't make it sound so forced, y'know? Great piece overall.

[Poeticpiers]

There is much more to poetry than rhyming. A poem should flow off the tongue when read aloud like warm honey on hot pancakes. The use of meter is the key to achieving this
I like your freshh originality