peine d'amour

Heart Break just doesn't describe the feeling.

“I love you” he said,

as he crushed everything we built together,

beneath his shoes,

like an old cigarette.

Reviews

[Alex]

I love this piece. The comparison to the cheap and dirty cigarette with his meaningless words worked really well, well done!

[Geo Lawrence]

poignant...it carries a pretty heavy load of messages. you are really creative.

[Christopher Robin]

Ooo nice line! Short and sharp.

One minor suggestion? : 'an old cigarette' makes it sound like he was stepping on something that was rubbish in the first place. If this was changed to 'a used cigarette' it adds a whole new level to this 'slap in the face' sort of piece.

Nicely penned.

-Robin

[rach]

Used, thank you I spent ages pondering this I knew there was a better word out there but it wouldn't come to me.
Thank you for your feedback.

[The Twin Arenas]

cigarette would also work. if it's being crushed, it's used.

[rach]

true, thank you.

[The Twin Arenas]

I like these short ones of yours.
you're good at condensing emotion.
brevity is a good tool.

[rach]

Thank you, Im having fun with them.

[Hitchhiker]

Happens that savagely many time a day across America. "I love you" takes on a whole 'nother understanding from these kind of people.

[Kenneth Nicholas Lowe]

This reminded me of the song "Whiksy Lullaby" ----Thank you for that...

[Mayank]

Rach! I just pictured myself and I don't know if it's normal or not.
*takes long puff*

[Gummy.G]

Fantastically written!! I meet very few people who can make great impact with very few words.

[rach]

Thank you.

[Baby Ricochet]

Some people can do that,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[BennyBooth]

I can't help but hear everything when I read this... :) Nice job!

[rach]

Thank you for reading.