Teddy Bear Tears

   Teddy Bear Tears

          “All that is left will be memories, and eventually, they, too, will vanish like dust.”

                                  -Haruki Murakami

“Ok, ladies! Pinkies up!” Alice says, holding her pink teacup in front of us to show how her little finger sticks up in the air. She’s sitting on the floor with Daisy Dog on her left and Bella Duck on her right, all wearing pink frilly dresses and crowns. I, too, am wearing a pink dress and crown, though they keep falling off me. Alice lowers her teacup and finally faces me. 

“Silly, Charlie, you have to sit up straight if you want your crown to stay on,” She shifts closer to me and reaches out to straighten the crown on my head. Once she is done, she moves me closer to the group of toys.

“Now, my fellow damsels, I would like to introduce you to our lovely guest: Ms. Charlie Bear.” Alice sits back down and claps. She moves toward Daisy Dog and lifts her slightly,

“My, what beautiful brown eyes you have, Ms. Charlie. They remind me of the richest of chocolates back in my hometown.” She says in a high-pitched voice. She then moves to Bella Duck and turns her to face me, “Nonsense! It’s her fur that’s more beautiful! They remind me of….uhh… the beautiful trees in my hometown!” Alice places Bella down and starts to shift toward me when a voice from far away yells.

“Alice! Come on, honey, it’s time to go!”

“I’m coming, Mom!” Alice yells back. She stands quickly and rushes out of the room. The crown on my head falls in my face, making me slump forward. In the distance, I can hear a door closing and some sort of loud noise outside, similar to when Alice plays with toys called “cars”. She must have left with Mom, but I wasn’t too worried. I knew she would come back. She always does.

                                       ……….

I don’t really understand humans. When I was first introduced to Alice, she loved pink dresses and playing dress up. But now, she doesn’t wear pink anymore, doesn’t play dress up, and most definitely doesn’t play with me. Her room is more modest now, colored with white, beige, and other neutral colors. And her clothing has changed, too. No more frilly dresses or tutus, instead she wears lots of dark colors and something called “jeans”. She threw away most of her old toys, but she kept me and what’s left of Bella Duck. Daisy Dog, unfortunately, was ripped apart by the cat, Dusky. He almost destroyed Bella, but Alice managed to save her. Now we both sit on the shelf near a window. Alice changed a little, but I had hope she was still the same girl I came to love. She sits at a desk beside her bed, writing on some papers and looking at her computer. According to what I’ve heard her say to Mom, she is doing homework for school. Lately, she has been doing that a lot. I wish she could just stop and play with me. A little break wouldn’t hurt. As if she heard what I was thinking, Alice stood from her seat and flopped on her bed. She looked tired. If only I could move my limbs and give her a big hug, I know that would make her feel better. Alice loves hugs. She grabs a small rectangular thing and seems to look at it for hours, only stopping when Mom yells at her from afar. 

“Alice! I’m going to a work meeting, don’t stay up late!”

“Ok, Mom!” Alice replies, putting down the glowy rectangle thing. A few minutes later, the door slams, and there is a noise outside. Immediately, Alice stands up from her bed and starts to tap something on the glowing object. Noise comes from it, and Alice puts it close to her ear, speaking occasionally. 

“Yeah, sure. I know. I’m on my way.” She puts the object down and heads toward my shelf.

Finally. Maybe she wanted to play tea party again, though we would be missing a member. 

I never knew where she put the pink dresses, but I’m sure we could find new ones, maybe even better ones! Alice walks closer and reaches up. I expect to be grabbed from the shelf, but instead Alice reaches for a box next to me and walks out of the room.

No! What happened to the tea party? If we don’t have the dresses, we could just use crowns.

She comes back after a while, but her face has color on it. Her cheeks were pinker and her eyes darker with dark blue around them. And her lips were a bright shade of red. She walks back to my shelf and places the box back next to me. As she turns, her hand brushes my arm and knocks me off my place. I land on the floor with a slight thud, but Alice doesn’t turn back to look at me. She has already walked out of the room and didn’t look back. The sound of a door opening and closing has me thinking that she left the house. Maybe she went to get the dresses. From my place on the floor, I can barely see much, but I can hear the slight jingling of bells. Something soft pushes me to the side. Dusty has come back. He looks at me, seeming interested. He pushes me again, this time climbing up on me. If Alice were here, she would tell him to stop. She never liked it when Dusty touched her stuff. But Alice wasn’t here, so Dusty clawed at my face. I could see something pop off my face, but I couldn’t tell what. All I knew was that it was harder to see now. Instead of my face, Dusty clawed my stomach. Before he could rip something off, though, a loud noise from outside startled him, and he ran off. I don’t know how much damage Dusty did, but as long as I look pretty enough for the tea party, it didn’t matter. Because I know Alice will love me just the same. I know I do, even if she has changed. 

                                    ……….

More change. Alice’s room has now been filled with boxes, and most of her belongings have been removed. Her desk was empty, free of the papers that consumed most of her time, and so was her bed, which used to be covered with purple blankets. So much time has passed since our last tea party, but at least I’m back on my shelf. I remember when Alice found me on the floor, she had scolded Dusty and slept with me for the first time in ages. She had been stressed lately, practicing talking to imaginary people and writing things on her computer. But something came up, some sort of happy event that had her and her family celebrating. I remember one day she came back wearing a black robe and a funny-looking black cap. There had been many tears that day, but all of them were smiling. I wondered if we would have a celebratory tea party, and instead of pink dresses, we could wear those black robes. But that never happened. Instead, Alice and Mom moved items into boxes. Mom had said some would stay with her and others would go with Alice to a place called “college”. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but if my Alice was happy, then so was I. The last of the items were put in boxes, leaving Bella Duck and me, who were still sitting on the shelf. Mom had come into the room and was sitting on the empty, white bed next to Alice. They were talking, with some tears on Mom’s part. 

“You know I love you, right?” She sniffed.

Alice grabs Mom’s hand into hers, holding tight, “I know.”

They both hug each other, muffling Alice’s “I love you so much” to Mom. 

This interaction was weird. It didn’t seem like when Alice was happy, dancing around to music. But it also didn’t look like the times Alice cried over something called “heartbreak”.

It felt more like the time Alice’s fish died. Chippy only lived for a few weeks, but when she found out he died, she was devastated and cried herself to sleep. Mom had held a funeral for him, and Alice brought me to hug while she said her goodbyes. She was sad at first, but became happier when Mom told her that Chippy was in a better place. Once the funeral was done, Alice had told me imaginary stories of Chippy in this place called “Heaven”. I didn’t know what or where that was, but when she talked about it, she seemed sad and happy. That’s how Mom and Alice look right now. Sad and Happy. Was that a good thing? Or did that mean something else?

It seemed as if Mom sensed my thoughts because she looked up and stared into my newly sewn eye. She smiled slightly. 

“Are you going to bring Charlie Bear with you?”

Yes! This was Alice’s chance to continue the tea parties and dress-ups. Maybe there are designer crowns at college or the fancy tea she would always talk about.

Alice laughs, turning to look at me, “I’ve kept him for a while, haven’t I?”

She stands and goes over to pick me up. Mom walks up beside her.

“You’ve also had that duck for ages.” Mom picks up Bella Duck, “She’s a bit beat up, though.”

“Yeah, they’ve been through a lot.” Alice turns me around, looking at me with a smile that makes me remember the times when we had fun. 

“So?” Mom asks, handing Alice Bella Duck, “Are you going to keep them?”

Alice looks back at us, thinking. But all I can think of are all the happy times I had with her.

Pretending to be princesses at a party, being sailors trying to survive a storm, and being the first people on the moon. The times when she brought me to birthday parties or cuddled with me at night. Maybe she’s thinking of them as well. Maybe she’ll bring me with her.

“You know, how about you keep it. A reminder of your little girl to stay with you.” Alice hands Bella and me to Mom.

I barely remember what came after. All I remember is that Alice left. She left me behind instead of staying with me. For days, I realized there would be no more tea parties, no more dress up, and definitely, no more Alice. Mom had no use for Bella Duck or me, so she placed us in a box in some place called the “attic”. Darkness was all I saw for years. Waiting for my Alice to come back. 

                                  ……….

Light seared through a crack in the box. Muffled voices were heard. 

“Mommy, what’s in the box?”

“A friend of mine that I want you to meet.”