A vision

Belly full, empty soul swallowed rocks that take their toll

Thoughts roll across the floor, dust balls drifting under the gap of the door 

They'll be seen no more, cobwebs and lint spark on floors of flint

From dark a glint, an ember's flame, riding a zephyr of hidden blame

Tis a shame that what once coexisted now in rhyme is twisted

Resisted west winds that blow, I never wanted the truth to know 

Came the snow, winter fell upon green leaves a dry harvest of empty sheaves

A hollow bag grieves where it believes the images of a mirror that deceives

A weaver weaves from discarded straw a pattern that no mind can draw

There it saw shattered dreams a looking glass of splintered gleams

And so it seems that in the fright of a starving, broken night 

Satiety took winds cold flight and left behind an ax to grind

A rose cut and spined, rootless pined  once confined

Now lays enshrined through glass blind to the poisoned vine entwined

Reviews

[Fishysua]

The structure is excellent
The scene is well set, I feel the cabin in the woods.
You avoid repetition through out, but don’t use it sparingly to drive connection or emphasis.
There is distress but not conflict nor is there an arc of change or development.
Good work

[Soren]

Thank you for your read of this piece. It is rather personal so the metaphors would be difficult for a reader to decipher. Thank you for your analysis of this piece it means a great deal