The band

Tiny bees that don't bite or sting, like the mocking bird they only sing

In tiny tubes of wax, protected they relax, playing on musical wing

Inside their hum, off walls a resounding drum, nature's melody

marching band flying scrum as out they come, silent symphony

As they gather in a flying lather, they beckon suns rays to paint spring

so tiny a soul who's only goal is honey, made of silent songs, for all to bring

A cloud they spin without a din, moving periods in a sentence unsaid

Moving off in space, a vanishing face, messages of nature unread

Reviews

[carl]

so often we see poems and speak about the images created and that is present here, but for me the enjoyment is in the sound created by your piece. My daughter-in-law keeps bees and your work sounds just like I was standing in her back yard watching as she harvested the honey and hearing " messages of nature unread." Enjoyed your work - great title by the way -carl

[Soren]

Thank you so much Carl I have always liked bees and show them great respect but in the past year was aware of small stingless bees that have taken residence under my steps. No bigger that a flea the buzz underneath and inside the step but are soundless outside. Your words are most appreciated and important to me. thank you for the review

[Brad Dehler]

I like this poem, it reminds me of Robert Frost. It is comforting- the sounds/hums, the buzzing but without the sting. I can almost smell the honey. The rhyme is really good but it seems the prosody is a little off. I myself produce in free verse, so excuse my critique if it is how you intended.

[emmajoygreen]

I rarely ignore what's said in a review. Often what is said in a negative way is more help than when gently put. Many thanks again. :)

[Brad Dehler]

For you? Absolutely!

[emmajoygreen]

Smiling at least ten characters!

[Brad Dehler]

Likewise. I must retract> I am using far too many words here. And there. So many things to say

[emmajoygreen]

Looks as if we need catch up on maths not English!

[Brad Dehler]

LOL. Both would be excellent

[Soren]

Deeply appreciate the comment and critique it is most helpful

[emmajoygreen]

? THE added and final review directly above!?

[Soren]

No Brad the initial comment about the prosody was quite useful even though I was quite aware of this before posting but decided to post anyway rather than take more time to shape it. Other thoughts for other poems cropped up

[Brad Dehler]

That is great, and humble of you to say. It is a work in the works. Very good

[emmajoygreen]

You have created a wonderfully active scene, starts and finishes so well. However, forgive me, BUT the meter is off kilter in places; perhaps you could read it slowly, aloud, and hear how it sounds..

Of course, tis your precious writing and you might want it exactly as planned!

[Soren]

Yea Emma Joy you got it right it was a rush job while I was working on another and I decided to post it as is. I used to worry a lot about meter and rhyme counting it exactly in each line as if a haiku I found that this interrupted the right word and feel of the poem, often losing the desired meaning. So decided to not be such a perfectionist in one area to loose in another. I do deeply appreciate the kind help. I realize I'm just an amature and I have a tough skin. Thank you for your care and advice it is deeply appreciated

[emmajoygreen]

As I write mostly prose-verse - few of my comments about meter are worthy! However when you do use rhyme/meter, it's first class.

[Soren]

Thank you so much