My emotions

My heart aches 

As I say your name

My soul crumbles

As I feel your pain

Broken eyes tear

As I see you near

My head bows 

As I see my sins

The light in my life dims 

As I see you walk away

My heart breaks

As I say your name

Reviews

[NITHIN PURPLE]

nice .....................

[Aria K.]

Thank you

[NITHIN PURPLE]

welcome

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I've felt these emotions...sadly. I could say that I'm feeling them right now. I like the structure of this one; it's simple and still effective for emoting what you are trying to get across. "The light in my life dims"--I like that line, because it's tangible and "shows" something. I would like to see a tiny bit more of that in here---instead of "my eyes tear", maybe "tired eyes tear" or "broken eyes tear", something like that to spice up the drama in the lines. Other than that, well done.

[Aria K.]

Thank you for your positive review ! I will take on board what you have just said and use it in my next poem ! Also I like your suggestions so much I will edit the poem now :)