While you weren't looking

A story in just a few lines, Inspired by the concept of 'terribly tiny tales'.

And in the dark of the night

Took place the greatest theft 

Of all times

He offered her his heart

But she stole his soul and fled

Leaving him lifeless on the ground

Author's Note

I'd love to know if this would work better as a poem.

Reviews

[Vidya Bacchus]

This is very profound my dear.Beware of offering things in the dark lol.You never know how it will end when you risk your heart I guess :)

[Spacecadet]

But it's a risk you gotta take!
Thanks for the review Vidya! :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Yes you are very right ,You are most welcome :)

[Scott Metro]

Works well either way...very understandable...

Enjoyed it.
Scott

[Spacecadet]

Thank you Scott :)

[Scott Metro]

:)
Scott.....

[zach h.]

Okay, so I have to be honest, and say that when I first read through this I didn't really consider it a story. I actually thought of it more as a poem. However, after reading through it again, and reading the tag line above, the whole idea of this 'tiny tales' or micro-story really sunk in. I found it really cool. So much was said in just 33 words, and I'm not sure that it could be any better if it was dragged out into several pages. You did such a fantastic job of making it so incredibly visual and gripping, and you barely needed any words to do so (less than what I am using now!!!). The more I think about this, the more I am amazed by not only the concept but also the great writing. Well done. I'd seriously love to read more of these types of stories.

[Spacecadet]

Wow, thank you for your incredibly kind words and taking the time to really analyse this and look at it from different points of view! Its much appreciated :) I'll be sure to send you a read request to more of these kinds of stories in the future!

[stars are far]

this is so nice..and well that shows that girls can be lairs too..sorry but its the truth....
well done :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Could be a realistic tale. A lot of thief of the soul willing to leave you for dead. You sad a lot in a few words. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote