Maybe

What am I feeling right now?
Feeling lonely. Wanting to talk to someone, but I have nothing that really needs to be talked about. Just a wave of sadness and loneliness that comes and goes.
I miss the connections I had with a few people. I felt like I could trust them with my whole heart.
But now, when I try to connect with someone else, I say to myself:
When are you going to hurt me like the others did? Are you lying to my face every time we hang out?
Is my friendship and love just a game?
I feel ashamed for not immediately trusting this person. But life has literally shown me that almost no one is safe.
If the price is right, if the choice favors them...
They’ll turn on you faster than you can blink.
Breathe.
Really understand anything.
It doesn’t matter how well you treated them.
How much you loved them.
They still choose to hurt you in the worst ways.
Or they say,
"It’s your fault."
"I don’t need you anymore."
"I never cared. I just felt bad for you."
If you felt so bad, you should have left me alone.
It hurts more thinking someone loves you and cares�"
To find out they only pretended to care.
You're left to pick up the pieces of your broken heart.
Your broken trust.
They never think of you again.
That saying,
"If you're dreaming about them, they're thinking about you"
�"absolute bullshit.
Those people don’t care once you cut contact.
They think they won.
That they’re the better person.
They stopped caring the moment you didn’t fall in line.
The moment you had your own voice.
Am I trying to gaslight myself?
Am I fighting a battle I don’t need to?
Maybe.
Maybe I just want to feel like I have a friend I can go to when I’m sad for no reason�"
And have them hold me until it’s gone.
Maybe I want to see pictures of us growing old together with our families.
BBQs and camping trips.
Maybe one day, I want to sit on the porch with my oldest friend
And reminisce about young skin and beautiful hair.
Maybe I want a connection that, no matter what outside influence comes along, it won’t tear us apart.
So far apart we don’t speak anymore.
That I wonder how your child is doing.
So far apart�"
I question why we stopped speaking.
And when I speak out loud,
Someone always says,
"She wasn’t a true friend."
Maybe.

Reviews

[Rachid Amrani]

Very well written, Sarah. Your piece gives us a glimpse into the intricacy as to relationships between humans and how these relationships (be it friendships, romance) have evolved into something that take into consideration what a person can get out of the other person (here I allude to material favors). Your piece also explores one of the most acute ills of our modern life: loneliness. It seems we have come a long way as to improving our economic conditions that food is not as scarce as it used to. However, it seems that this abundance of the means of sustenance come at a price. As more people have jobs to secure some form of prosperity, there is little time for social interactions, driving people to more isolation and solitude.
Lastly, I would call your writing piece more of a poem than a story just because a story usually has characters and dialogue.
Onward

[Sarah]

I honestly didnt know i marked it as a story. I think i was crying and jusy trying to get the words down. Thank you for ur review I appreciate it!

[Rachid Amrani]

You're welcome. The crying is therapeutic, and we all cry in our own ways, be it through the tears' shedding or the heart's aching. You did a good job articulating the crying through words to produce a very creative piece of writing.