More than I deserve

What I need

is something more

I feel so lost and a lone

no one to understand me

to agree with my thoughst

or feel what I feel

I feel sick to my stomach

when I think of those

pointless words

empty kisses

all the emotions of hatred, passion, lust, jealousy, even love

that meant nothing

nothing to those I know

nothing to him

nothing to my best friend

or my father and brother

these people I turn to when I am in need

who I act in sin with when times are too hard

they will always disappoint

and all a long

I had a strong hold

someone to depend on

to let my tears fall on

to be held by

guided and loved on

someone I have ignored, yelled at, doubted, betrayed, made fun of

and yet, you still forgive me

you've taught me, rewarded me, comforted me

you will always be there and you know me better than anyone else does

you've died for me Jesus

and all those pointless words, empty kisses, failing moments

are just a speck, a dirty speck that I will throw away

because your love means an eternity to me

so before I speak I will remember your truth

before I share myself I will remember your love on the cross

and before I fail I will remember your forgiving act

and because of that I will desire you and only you