Stupid

You've lost                                               I've lost

The light                                                  Your light

You let shine in your eyes.                        And your shine

Your lips                                                       The words

Have become so chapped,                        You let slip

Your limbs      dead                                  Your gentle touch

barely moving.                                         and the sounds you made when you moved    

            

You've lost yourself.                                 I've lost you.

Reviews

[plainme]

I'm trying to figure out how to read this. I did it with separate voices in my head, reading the two apart, line by line, etc. All ways work fine. And that's great, the multi-purposeness of a poem. Giving the reader real freedom. Not only in the way they interpret it, but also the style in which it's being read.

[Tai Ryens]

I don't know the official nickname for this type of poetry but I like to refer to it as parallel poetry, in the way the two columns run parallel and feature two distinct features about, in your case, a mental battle on what you've really lost upon losing your companion, or brother, or significant other (the argument can be made referring to all three). I feel that you speak of losing someone to depression, hence the light vanishing from their eyes and the dead, non-moving limbs. The actual happening could be subjective, but I lean more towards the person whom bares the misery to be losing more: there is no greater woe than to lose oneself. You've expressed yourself well, as always, kristin. Lovely piece.