Shut Tight

Watch me close my eyes
Let me shut them tight 
As I breath relief filled sighs
And my body lets down its fight

Watch me close my eyes 
As I fall asleep
Shutting out blue skies
Falling in so deep

Watch me close my eyes
Just as you did
Ignoring my screams and cries
A whole lifetime undid

Watch me close my eyes
Oh dear it’s over now 
It’s come for my demise
I wish we could fix this somehow

Watch me close my eyes
It’s all in your dreams
Cause I’ve broken all the ties 
A life passed by as it seems

Author's Note

Tell me what you think??

Reviews

[Tai Ryens]

You tell a lovely but awfully sad story about when a lover leaves. The flow could use a bit of editing though, in my opinion. Some words were unneeded and others could be replaced by a syllable. I mean no offence when I say that, I'm only trying to point out something in your writing style.
Great job, keep it up!

[Owlgirl]

Lovely poem, and great use of repition. You could play with the formatting a little so it would flow and be read a bit more the way you may intend for it to be read, but that's an authors choice. :) I love all the emotion in the poem and the rhyme scheme helps the flow as well. I can't wait to read more!