Riot

this is a riot

against my own name.

we charge into battle on

horses of flame.

the flames die quick against

the enemy’s boat,

and all of their tears as we struggle to float.

we gather again, swords raised high to claim,

the childhood stolen by unending pain.

but quick do we fall against them and our fear,

for sorrow and guilt crawl forth from the rear. 

Reviews

[Bluebird91]

I can picture the characters in a movie going along with this poem. I like it. It's very deep and life like. It's like you can relate even though it's full of swords and horses. Well done!

[heylel]

Thank you!

[...]

This is very flowing and very amusing. even thought this poem have rough feelings. all is just beautiful perfect.

[heylel]

thank you! I'm glad you liked it!

[...]

yes i did .

[Mehameha]

OMG! Brilliance. I could see this as a beginning to a great song. Left me with "second verse please" cravings. Keep doing this and someone is going to take notice. Great talent.

[heylel]

aah thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it

[TheAimlessWanderer]

it takes real talent to paint such a vivid picture with so few words KEEP WRITING !! Great job

[heylel]

!!! thank you so much for your feedback, it made me so happy!

[TheAimlessWanderer]

you are most welcome you deserve it

[PenguinEmpiress]

..................... You've killed me.......... So sad...... Why.. So cruel :Cccccccccccccccccc *falls back in the abyss of feelings*

*Sits back up* But beautiful all the same. *And falls back down again*

[heylel]

ahaha thank you! I'm glad you think it's good!