Ghost of the Attic

This is based on a story my boyfriend told me.

        When Brian got a little older, he was able to get his own room. He made himself at home in the attic.

        One night, when he was watching wrestling, the channels began to change by themselves. Then the lights started

to flicker. This went on for about a week, before he threw down the remote, and threatened the entity that was

causing this.

        That night, Brian awoke, feeling like he was choking. He could hear faint screams, and he noticed that some

invisible force was holding a pillow over his face. Then he heard a noise that sounded like shrill laughter. He struggled

for about 15 minutes, before he was able to break free.

        Brian moved out of the attic the next day. He soon discovered that a couple people were murdered up there,

many years ago.

Reviews

[The Earl of Lemongrab]

This story feels too incomplete and repeated. It comes across as your typical horror film condensed into a paragraph for a one minute read. I'm not sure if that's what you were going for but you could expand this and make it much larger. Explore the suspense and the fear of being in the attic. Retell the events of the things that happened during the week and try to make the reader come up with mental images, particularly in the scary bits. Lastly, be very descriptive. I apologize in advance if this comes across as being a bit scathing but i'm just being honest.