Chapter 6: My heart can't let you down.

 

He brought me outside to the garden. It was even prettier then when I was looking at it. There were other girls out here too. There were some being watched, others allowed to run around free. I saw one girl drawing a picture of a bunch of flowers and a girl running through them. Then, as if he knew what I wanted, he left me. He went over to talk to a couple of the other psychologist. I looked around. What to do, oh, what to do? So I did what I have usually been doing. I walked over to some flowers. Sat down slowly, then tilted my body slowly to lay down. Then out of instinct I curled my legs up to my chest.

 

I sat there, my eyes open, in the flowers, for four hours. I knew I was getting freaky looks. Some might have even questioned if I was dead. But I heard nothing. Until I heard footsteps coming up behind me.

“Harmony, time to go get lunch.” I started to pout at the thought of eating but got up anyways. He wrapped one of his arms around me as we walked back to the building. From my peripheral vision I saw stares from some of the people, even some stares from the other psychiatrist. But I ignored them. I took one last glance back to the garden before we got inside.

 

We were walking through the halls when something started to ache on me. I started to get dizzy but kept going. I didn’t want him to know anything was wrong. But then I fell, right out of his arms and hit the ground, hard. I think that is what made me wake up fast.

“Harm are you alright? Gosh, oh man, Harmony, you okay?” He was freaking out. I simply got up, shook my head to make me gain full conscious and held a hand to his face before walking away. He followed behind me silent. This happened to me all the time. I passed out a lot, so it wasn’t a shock I did it again. Soon enough he had his arm around me, more defensively, as we headed toward the cafeteria. We got in line and once again he asked me what I wanted. Then he changed his mind and started to order for me. I slapped his hand, and decided to make my own decision. I wanted a salad. When asked if I wanted dressing I shook my head no. Dressing just made the meal sound worse. But salad was healthy, and only 20 calories per serving. When I went down to the end I noticed there was the same choices, and once again I grabbed a diet ice tea. I waited for him at the door.

 

He was smiling. “My office?” I simply nodded. We walked out of the cafeteria and down the halls, through numerous doors and into his office. We had a meeting anyways in twenty minutes.

 

I took the seat in the back corner, and he went to his desk. One thing he has learned, don’t get me angry. I took my fork and knife out of the baggie. He watched me as I cut up every piece into tiny pieces, then as I took the tiniest piece and bit down into it. He watched me as I chewed that tiny piece 45 times before swallowing it.

 

Then I looked up at him, and he was still staring at me. “30 bites?” He questioned. I nodded no. He started guessing and I kept shaking my head no. “20?, 10?, 5?, 35?, 40?,45?” Finally I nodded yes. “Forty-five, that is a new one. I lifted one cheek in an ‘I don’t care’ tone before frowning. “You going to eat anymore?” And with that I took another tiny piece and started chewing. This time I went 50 bites. You’d be shocked how long you can really chew something before it fully dissolves.

 

He was still staring at me. I looked back at him and he began taking bites. He took HUGE bites. And finished his meal fast. I thought I was going to puke.

“Now you.” He said. I simply nodded no, and put the plate down on the ground. Then I looked at the clock, two o’ clock, only two more hours of him then I’d be back to the room. I huddled into a tiny ball and stared out the window.

“Hmm, you really do like it out there?” He stated, obviously noticing my deep wanting to be free. “How about this, we can go out there again, and stay and stuff, but I need at least something. I need you to say SOMETHING. I am afraid I am not helping you. Making you worse. I want to make you better. I don’t want to lose you, I want to help you get out there, but out there out there, free to roam around and go site seeing around the world. But until I fix you, we can’t get you out there. So, make the deal with me, because, truth be told, I like being out there too. I’m stuck here, just like you. Sort of. When I am helping a patient like you, I can’t leave. But after I do my things, I get two weeks off before coming back here. Not that I don’t mind. I like helping people.” I was sort of confused. We were talking about going outside then he started rambling. I gave him a confused look, and he started shooting on back at me. “Confused you ay? I sometimes do that, just ignore me when I ramble. Anyways, like I said the deal is we can go outside but you have to say something, anything, when we go outside. Okay?”

 

I nodded. What else was I supposed to do, cry? I didn’t mind being stuck in here. I liked being out there because I could breath better, but being in here didn’t bug me much. I started heading towards the door, and he was following. Then I stopped and looked at him. He gave me a confused look, and I darted over to my chair and grabbed a sort of tiny piece of salad that was sort of big and as I was walking towards him I bit it took only ten bites and swallowed, and even tried to smile. It felt awkward and it probably looked back but he smiled and showed his perfectly white teeth before leading me out the door.