Turning Pages

Scarred.

Damaged.

But not dead.

I’m alive somehow

and I made it to the end.

New time waits ahead,

a future cloudy with possibilities.

But in the meantime I’m listening to party music

singing along as tears stream down my cheeks

and laughing because you can’t cry while singing about having fun and partying.

And yet I was.

Simply feeling alone in this corporeal world.

Abandoned by the fleshy beings I wanted to call friends.

And so ready to leave them all in my memories.

Maybe I’m overreacting,

but I can’t be the only one who sees these things.

Who sees how they pull away,

how they seem annoyed by my presence.

I can’t be the only one who thinks that maybe,

best friends should care when you say you want to die.

They should talk to you.

I shouldn’t have to beg for their company.

I shouldn’t feel like closing myself off is doing them a favor.

I can’t help people anymore.

I can barely help myself from falling.

I can’t keep spluttering the same shtick

over and over and over and over and over,

all the while praying that some day it will get through,

and feeling worthless when I see that it doesn’t.

The thing that runs through my head,

most every day,

is when will I get to stop arguing and fighting for companions,

and when will someone fight for me?

It hurts when nobody seems to care enough

to keep you.

Reviews

[Dhaye]

I am going to describe all what you've said in just one word: Pain. You are in pain and you feel that nobody is there to protect you. In fact, that feeling is not new to many. When you lost someone in your life, bitterness would be your companion everytime. Even there are people around you who try hard to uplift you, still emptiness is there and it swallow you into darkness.

Writing is a safe refuge. This is a sort of remedy...our self-healing. When we burst out our sentiments, the pain becomes lesser and lesser...until we realized we already have recovered.

Feeling alone is deadly. It poisons our mind and makes the cut deeper. Another way of self-healing is to give chance to yourself to go with other people....and give them a chance as well to know you more.

The outside world is not that cruel. But this WC world is another world where we can gain friends. Though we have to know each other through the words of each other, I believe that there are some who are really true to their intention.

Kabayan, I am once a lost soul...but now I am trying to seek for my own identity. I know I am starting to step forward with my hopes and dreams as my armor. They make me strong in this life's battle.

This is a nice poem for me. There's no wrong in putting all your sentiments in writing (I usually do that).
Thanks for sharing this one and I hope I haven't said anything offensive against you.
I wish you all the joy you want in your life in the next pages of your life.

I am your friendly Kabayan. :)

[Steph Cruz]

Thank you ate Dhaye. Your comment is comfort in all forms. But right now all I could really feel is "pain". :((

[Dhaye]

Thank you for calling me Ate. It's nice to feel that someone here treats me as her sister... her big sister. Anyway, I know that you are that younger than me...and must be treated as my younger sister, too.

I understand what you said. Your words are that familiar to me, and oftentimes I hear that from someone closest to me. Just let the feelings out. All things have their ends. I know it will end soon. :)