Getting Run Out

A Childhood memory

 

We stood ankle deep in fescue,

on sunny summer days,

behind the Water Street Flea-market

fishing...

talking...

wishing...

basking...

 

Days were longer, then,

buggier--

we spent more time digging

helgramites than casting.

 

We never saw nineteen coming,

but it did.

 

Like an August storm,

time rolled in,

flushing us from the banks

of the Old Juniata.

 

So we ran out of there--

losing a boot and

a Minnie bucket on the way--

and maybe more,

now that I'm thinking about it.

 

Stiver © 2008

Reviews

[Vanessa Whiteley]

I think this could be a lovely poem but at the moment I don't think it is up to its potential. I know you don't like revision but I am not convinced that the structure of the first stanza works. I guess you intend the list to connote days being longer but your description should be able to suggest that. The opening line is a little flat, albeit, fescue rather than grass is interesting and more specific. An opening line should grasp the attention of the reader and once they're hooked you can reel them in. I wonder if you were to reverse the line order. Also, if you were ankle deep you don't need we stood and while I know it can rain in summer people associate sun with summer and basking denotes sunshine.

Fishing, talking, wishing, basking...
on summer days,
ankle deep in fescue,
behind the Water Street Flea-market.

I wouldn't change anything else though.

[Emily B]

I like this. The summer heat, the nearer knowing, reminds me of places I've been. I like the little details like 'fescue'. That makes the words seem all the more real.