The Fruit

Some of the best poetry comes from the most delusional state. I wrote this the day after meeting a guy. Did my delusion at least produce a decent poem? I feel 50/50 on it.

I know I just met you yesterday,

But there is one thought that can’t go away

“You’re the one I’ve been looking for,”

I wish it weren’t true,

But my thoughts are already consumed by you.

The way you carry yourself,

Your energy,

Your faith.

Although I try to think of the one before,

The one who had me on the floor,

Wondering if he felt the same,

I end up only having myself to blame

For coming back to you

Like a fly does to its fruit

I know its bad 

To feel as if you’re the only one

Who can ease my mad.

I’ve just met you,

But there’s not much I can do.

I feel as if you could be 

The missing piece for me. 

Despite this, I will continue on

And only pray for you at dawn.

Pretending you have no effect

As if your constant joy,

Excitement,

And laughter

Only annoys me.

I will bury it down and never confess,

For I know that amount of stress.

Reviews

[Green]

I think the opening is really strong, and although I don't think it's bad, somewhere around 50% it did kind of lose steam for me. But I liked the close to, so maybe I'm conflicted to. And in a way, that kind of works because you are kind of muddled when you first start feeling this way about someone.

[Kate]

I would have to agree. I don't think it flows as well as it could. Maybe, if I made it more to the point or blended it well, it would be better. Thank you for the criticism and the compliments!

[Gray C. Sweet]

I definitely know the feeling lmao, so I would say your intention came through
To be honest though, I think your style of writing would benefit from a little more focus on meter and syllable usage

[Kate]

oooo that's some good constructive criticism. Imma have to play around with that, thank youuuu