Pain

My first for this site. Short, running with the theme of pain.

The aching chill of the winter’s night,

Amplified by the tears dripping down my cheeks.

The intrusive taste of salt in my mouth.

Not as harsh as your words.

"Wait for the bus.

Get out of town.

Go."

Author's Note

A short one, I know. Say what you think and be honest :)

Reviews

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Loved the pithyness and the pathos. The final three lines did make me think of gunslingers in the old wild west though so taking away the edge a little. All in all a neat well constructed poem with great emotional content described succinctly

[Strawberry]

Many thanks, John. Dare I admit I wrote this after watching Calamity Jane? ;)

I'll take your feedback into consideration next time I write something - and ensure that the tone suits throughout the poem.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

"Wait for the bus,
or walk" ?

[Strawberry]

Haha, that I'm not certain of. It reminds me simply of the hours I would spend waiting for my bus home in the winter... Oftentimes, it wouldn't turn up. In the two hour gap, it was quicker to walk.

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

This is short but you can feel the hurt of the words to that person. While reading this I picture the person waiting at a bus stop crying in the cold remembering why they are sitting there, with the words echoing in their mind over and over.

Great Job

[Strawberry]

Thank you, Peace.