ultraviolence

i'm not alex.

my body hurts but i'm not in pain.

there's guns on tv and guns in my brain.

maybe you'll finally see god

when you look at my cold corpse.

but i think you'll just be disappointed again.

i should care more about the bombs

and i guess i will when they kill my houseplants

but until then let's go down to the mall

and walk around and still be nothing.

i'm half dead hiding in movie theater bathroom stalls.  

so go ahead and bury me in my mother's womb (mother's tomb). 

i put on makeup alone in my room

hoping for you to want to see me

but you never call.

bathe my bones and watch me fall. 

there's worse things going on in foreign sand

but i'm still picking at the cut on my right hand.

i'm so bored i might bruise you and tap dance around your suffering. 

Author's Note

let me know your thoughts.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

This is a good read! I love how it flows, the story it tells, the solemnity of its poetry! and as well how even in a seemingly serious context, there's a bit of humour like care for houseplants: "I will [care more about bombs] when they kill my houseplants". I would advise some tweaking in a couple of places, namely in Line 2 (the repetition of "guns" is unnecessary, and the second "guns" could be replaced by something bigger to paint that picture....for the sake of power), and "mother's tomb" is also unnecessary, given you could merely make that line stand out by creating an emphasis on "womb" to mean "tomb". Other than that, it's written quite well!

[.]

very narrative piece and the flow is amazing good read

[JC]

awesome, both stylistically and in content. raw and real, which makes it all the more relate-able and thought provoking. You captured the violence and boredom of western life with great lucidity. fecken dig it

[PaulB]

"this sucks and means nothing" sounds like you're fishing for compliments - don't. This is quite good, particular favourite lines were, those about bombs and your houseplants and the last line. Poetry is very subjective, one person may love it, another may hate it. There's always room for improvement though. Don't just write it once and decide that's that. And keep writing