You Beat Me Hard

you told me you love me ,then why did you leave?

You beat me hard..

 

My heart is shivering and my soul is weeping

Like I’m a someone who is begging

Under the street light she is wining

Waiting for a car that her name will be calling.

 

I had a kingdom full of slaves that’ll die to please me

You came to my soul and took all of this kingdom so it be to thee.

I took no notice that you were, with every slave, used to flee

To hug her, be hers and you used to betray me.

 

One night I felt that poison is moving in my soul

I thought its love, but it turned out to be a snake roll

Going through my veins to take away my life goal

To give you all what I get and make me a troll.

 

I loved you deeply .but all what you did was beat me .

Author's Note

15-7-2014 . 6:38 pm
hope you like

Reviews

[Kasey Miriam]

Beautiful and heart wrenching. Wonderful poem

[raj24]

its wonderful..not of pain but of anger against the person...u r enjoying talking about it...n i must say u r writing very well about it...keep writing..i m enjoying reading them..:)

Raj

[Ayushi]

This one is really heartbreaking and beautiful
Loved the last line
"I loved you deeply .but all what you did was beat me ."

[Tai Ryens]

Giving your all only to have your significant other take full advantage of you and walk away . . . How painful and tragic. Well done portraying your perspective.

[Thea]

Aw, man, that definitely hit me hard especially the last line. You portrayed such strong emotions here. I felt the melancholy. It was such a heartbreak, eh? Though I enjoyed reading this. It was pure and straight to the point. Nice work, my friend. :)

[Leslie Philibert]

like this too, maybe it needs an edit ( that instead of what is needed in the last line)..but the talent is there..

[Einstein Noodle]

i think the title is a really good "hook" .. it grabbed my attention instantly .. started my mind to roll .. wondering where this poem was going .. you do well in expressing your feelings ..i was surprised with you creating the kingdom with slaves with the speaker as royalty .. love and pain and want knows no bounds .. i really like this phrase ":..snake roll" .. wish i had thought of it .. it triggers inspiration for me ..
E.

[MAD ENGLISHMAN]

It is always good to let your inner feeling go. I think your writing is excellent for a non native english speaker. I've read a few of your works and apart from a very few errors in spelling and grammar. I think you write wonderful poetry.

[stars are far]

thank you a lot for your feedback it maean alot to me :)

[Eve Ola]

i was so deep and impressive. your words have power to create the feeling. Well done