Blood on White

About how someone no one expects suddenly snaps

She was the pure one.

The innocent one.

The one with the naive smile who didn't get all the jokes.

She was the saintly one--but no one hated her for it.

She laughed quietly--blushed brightly.

 

But then they started to take advantage of that.

It started out small and subtle.

Little jibes.

Little teases that got more aggressive.

They wanted something precious from her that she didn't want to give.

 

They took it anyway.

 

At first she was rotting away.

 

But now she is something else entirely.

 

A bitter smile.

A sharp retort.

Never again will she be their sport.

Reviews

[Patient Poet (Yos)]

I like it :) Yossi

[justjenn_2u]

No longer the brunt of another's joke! The sad part is that she is no longer the submissive, innocent one. A realistic poem. In life, many people always want to pull the good layers off of a person and expose an ugly layer to make themselves feel better. I enjoyed this poem.

[Steffi]

I like the transition you used here.
You went from describing her innocence to describing how that got taken away. Good Job on that.
"A bitter smile.
A sharp retort.
She won't be anyone's sport ever again." Your ending was good the last line was a little awkward though. Maybe something like "Never again will she be a sport" or some variation like that. The sentences you ended just before this one were ended in short abrupt way and the last line being diffrent kinda throws it off. Buts thats the only critique i have it was a good write!

[Edward Clay]

i've known someone like this - except they let it eat them, and not let them go. i liked the execution.

[Riley]

Woah babe!
This is incredible.
You hit the nail on the head with this one.
I wish I had your writing ability.
I love you.

[Bailey]

Oh, Carlee... this is so sad. But it's wonderfully written. Good job! :)