Punishment

This was supposed to be a full song, but then I thought this, in it's simplicity, was enough.

One, two.
The blows rain down.
Three, four.
My blood hits the ground.
Five, six.
At this rate...
Seven, eight.
How am I alive?
Nine, ten.
This is where I draw the line.
 

Author's Note

The rhyming scheme wasn't as smooth as I planned, any suggestions for it?

Reviews

[Steffi]

This was a very inspired idea. The scheme does need a little changing around maybe
I agree with the line following Seven, eight from the below comment
But maybe to beef up the last line after Nine, ten
"This is where my story ends"

[L.G. Knight]

Seven, eight.
How am I alive? (awake?)
Nine, ten.
This is where I draw the line. (this is where it ends.)

hope that helps... I don't think it changes the meaning but it gives you that suggestion you asked for... smooths out the rhymes and uncrinkles the flow.... Great write!

~Frances~