Tequila Mockingbird

When a woman has to choose

Shooting heroin
and aiming for the stars,
trying to find the right words
to put into a few bars,
that look you just gave me
broke the strings on my guitar,
I go back to the drawing board
but writing is kind of hard
when your fists are clenched
because of a silly little wench
she found no appeal in sitting on the fence,
so in the midst of the ordeal
she split herself in two and went both ways.
Now she’s half the woman she used to be
but so am I because she used to be half of me.

Reviews

[Craig Bates]

This reminds me a bit of Miguel Pinero - quite a raw, simplistic style. If you're happy with this overall there is only really one bit that I would suggest looking at again and trying to rework:

'that look you just gave me
in your eyes left me scarred'

I know you're trying to keep the rhythm but if you think about this, it really doesn't make much sense. If it's a look, the fact it's from someone's eye is pretty much implied without having to spell it out and it made me stop reading to re-read it. If you could find something else to say here to fill the space I think it could really improve the poem.

I like that you start with a fairly rigid rhyme scheme but then aren't afraid to make things more irregular. It shakes things up and keeps it interesting.

[A.A.Romanczuk]

Another delightful piece...another box of wit and elegance....what am I to say...this is lovely...

[Caitlynxoxo]

I liked the flow of this poem, how smooth it was. Each word coensided with the last beautifully. You obviously have strong feelings to write such a beautiful piece of work. Thanks for sharing :)

xoxo Caitlyn xoxo

[Broken Girl]

OMG!!! Thanks TONS for sharing this with me!!! Mind my language please, but this is TRULY f*****g beautiful!!! I love it!!! MORE than 2 thumbs up!!!

[Coyote Poetry]

I like this poem. Flowed with great strength. Woman make us crazy. Make us feel strong then make us feel like nothing. I like the last lines a lot. A outstanding poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[Ebb and Flow]

This is absolutely stunning. I am completely in love with this write. It's so deep, and not only that but if you do split yourself it's hard to put the two halves back together.

Krystina

[Vertigo]

hmm loved this

[Brighid an Lasair]

This might be my favorite, it's clever and witty, full of brilliant imagery.

that look you just gave me
broke the strings on my guitar,
I go back to the drawing board
but writing is kind of hard

Those 4 lines are most definitely my favorite part.

[Shelby. Loves ya. :3]

love the poem!

[Catonia06]

Love the rhyming :)

[Zackery Alan Daley]

Holy balls
"when your fists are clenched
because of a silly little wench"

The whole poem I can totally relate. 100/100 first one I've given.