Shadow

This was written to talk about the problems we ignore in a relationship. Its incomplete, and I don't know if its a song, poem, or just scattered thoughts, but here it is anyway. :)

There's a shadow,

In the back of a beautiful dream

Something lingers,

But we choose to ignore, hope its not what it seems

 

Cause this love is just too perfect,

And there's no way, this could ever go wrong

Well,

I'm looking into the distance

And I can see a storm on the horizon

And I'm trying to pull you out of the way

But it doesn't matter to you...your prize is won...

Reviews

[Lori]

This is a really fascinating poem. The narrator has this cautious side throughout, but then the last side seemed a little more angry with the "your prize is won". I found that really interesting. And then I thought that the troubles that are being ignored just might possibly be the "one-sidedness" of the relationship. Perhaps the narrator has had to mask her dissatisfaction, knowing that to present anything less than perfect would bring down the relationship. The poem is great the way it is, but you might consider a few line edits. For example,

Change: "There's a shadow,
In the back of a beautiful dream
Something lingers,
But we choose to ignore, hope it's not what it seems"

To: "There's a shadow hovering
over our beautiful dream
that lingers while we ignore it
hoping it's not what it seems."