The bad nights

I argue with my mother.
She kicks my door.
I open the box, hands shaking.
I sit on my bedroom floor.
I take my hoodie off.
I look at my pale arm, covered in goosebumps.
I grasp the blade, sobbing.
I slide it across my skin.
I feel relief.
The blood starts.
I feel regret.
I feel shame.
I must do it again.
More blood.
More tears.
More shame.
I look at the photos on my wall.
I cry more.
I'm sorry.
I put the blade away.
I wipe my tears.
I put my hoodie back on.
I smile.
I'm fine.
Of course I'm fine.
Why wouldn't I be?

Reviews

[JayG]

Francie, you've missed the entire point of poetry. It's never us talking about ourself to strangers who don't care.

Why? Look at your first line as a reader must:

• I argue with my mother.

So...someone we know nothing about, of unknown age, gender, disposition, who lives in an unknown time and place —as far as the reader knows, because no one reads your bio before reading — argued about something unknown.

I farted, which is just as meanigful to the reader who doesn't know me, but I don't announce it in a poem. And remember, we don't know what the argument was about, or who was "right."

And thins is is strictly my personal view, to me, cutting yourself is when I was upest with my parents, and whining, "I'm going to kill myself. Then, I'll be dead and THEY'LL be sorry. Every kid who ever lived has said something like that silly thing. But it's a waste of time. It's looking for sympathy instead of solving the problem.

That aside, face it. NO ONE cares about the one who wrote the poem. They're seeking entertainment. So, they care about the poem's effect on THEM. They come to be made to feel and care, not informed on how the poet's life is going. After all, did you come here hoping to learn how my day went? Of course not. And that tells you how many people here woke today wondering how you feel.

My point is that poetry is to make people care. So instead of talking TO the reader, make it meaningful to them. You have the power, by choosing the right words, to make people you'll never meet feel all the human emotions, at YOUR command. And that's a superpower.

How? If you want to write poetry, and I certainly support that, then take the time to learn the skills they've been refining for centuries. They're not at all like the kind of writing we learn in school. That's for writing reports and other nonfiction that employers will need from you. So grab the book I link to just below (it's not readable on a phone, though) and dig in. You'll be amazed at how simple it is once pointed out. And the lady who wrote it is brilliant.

https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

As for your problem? This man claims it can be fixed with only 2 words, as shown in the video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvujypVVBAY

And if they don't work, the laughter it brings will help.

[fern]

So first off I am not writing for other people's entertainment, I'm writing to cope with my feelings and people say my writing is good so I decided to share it. And second, you've pretty much just confirmed the theory that no one cares about me, saying something like that to an insecure teenage girl will not help with her self esteem. So thanks for that

[JayG]

• So first off I am not writing for other people's entertainment.

Exactly. So, it’s not poetry. Yet you called it a poem. You want to BE a poet without the bother of becoming one.

You posted your writing in a public forum, for others to see,not as poetry, but because you want sympathy from people who know nothing about you, and your problems. You’re looking for, “Aww, poor baby,” not help. We call that self-pity. And what does that accomplish but to worsen the problem?

There are lots of blog sites where you can write as a form of therapy. There are forums on places like Reddit, where people talk about problems and solutions. But you chose a writing site. And you chose not to look into what poetry is, and how it’s written.

For you, your problems are overwhelming, just as mine were, when I was your age. But are you looking for help? No. Are you seeking distractions that will cheer you up? No again.

You fail to realize that EVERYONE here was once your age. And lots of the women WERE you.

You could be asking what to do, and how they coped.

You could even be writing spur of the moment poetry like this:

---------------

But that would requite decision
Cause problems require detection
And need a specific direction
Without any mental deception

So instead of a leap in the ocean
Though it will take a bit of devotion
You must put a plan in motion
to calm your raging emotion,

--------------

Good poetry? Hell no. I don't write good poetry. But it is, a poem, not, the equivalent of Lydia's letter in Beetlejuice.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1y5Hilp4rFg

[fern]

Can you not, you're just making me feel so much worse and no, I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm not looking for anything, I enjoy writing so I shared it with my friends they said it's good so I decided to put it on here, I'm not looking for anything. And just so you know I cried when I read that and it's just making me feel like a total failure. This is what I was trying to avoid coming on here but no I guess people will hate me no matter what

[JayG]

• And just so you know I cried when I read that and it's just making me feel like a total failure.

So, Again, you're looking for sympathy. I gave you a link to a free copy of one of the most acclaimed books on the basics of poetry.

I told you things you need to know if you want people other than yourself to enjoy your work.

I even linked to a YouTube video of an acclaimed comedian to try to cheer you up.

You think your problems are bad? My wife died of cancer. And my daughter in law has it now. And with luck, I MAY have 5 more years to live. So what? I'm still writing, and still working to be a better me.

Have you even looked at my poetry, and others here, to see if it was the kind of thing you might want to learn how to do with that book I linked to?

Nope. You make the silly assumption that since you don't now write with skill you never will.

You see a critique of the poem as it was on that day as an attack on you, and see me being cruel for taking the time to point out problems you can learn to fix, and giving you a way to do that.

Nothing comes without effort. And you're forgetting the most important part: We make mistakes because we lack experience. And how do we get experience? By making mistakes. You are a work in progress, and will be for all your life.

So take criticism as a challenge. Prove you can write poetry to yourself by digging into that book. If nothing else it will keep you too busy to brood.

But, that being said, since my goal isn't to make you unhappy, and you're really not seeking to learn how to write poetry, I'll bow out and you can delete my comments from the thread.

[fern]

I am not looking for sympathy, I'm telling you you said the wrong thing and it upset me