Consequences

For you, Ryan

How do I keep forgetting that your dead?

I know it, I know it in my head.

You've been dead for years,

And I no longer shed any tears.

Did you know you would cause this divide,

When you planned your untimely suicide?

They say 'Death be not proud',

But why does he mock and laugh so loud?

We were never close, didn't know you so well,

But somehow your death sent me into a living hell

You haunt me subtly, not like a nagging ghost

But more like a parasite, and I'm the host

Latent you lie, waiting for the time

When death is the only thing on my mind

And that is when I remember you, my friend--

I remember that death will always win. 

Author's Note

don't have the strength to explain this one yet... but what are your thoughts/reactions?

Reviews

[A little twist]

This is the kind of poem that just makes me sit here and think. Why was character one shocked that this person died? was their something there, something to be? and why cant this character forget about this person? I really like this poem, the ones that make me think :)

[Siren]

His death came as a shock to all of us, really. He was so lovable, and we all felt guilty in some way or another.... I remember him a lot during the fall and winter months. He was such a good kid...

[A little twist]

ahh thats carzy! and to feel guilt thats touching.

[Tex]

just a wonderful write. it is remarkable for its clarity. I see no need for any explanation. it is moving. it is emotive. it is honest. it reads authentic. what can you do to explain it? nothing.

You might want to remove two syllables in this sentence:

But somehow your death sent me into a living hell (maybe drop living)

and you might want to add one syllable in this sentence:

I remember that death will always win. (maybe: I remember that death, it will always win.)

but as you wish... it is moving and powerful as it is. but the meter is just a tad off on those stanzas and those syllable changes might help.

either way it is a powerful piece. It will touch many readers. It touched me. thank you for such a wonderful write.

[Siren]

I feel a little bit relieved after reading your review. I was a bit afraid that it wouldn't make much sense. While I considered changing the syllables as you suggested, I decided not to. Death throws off our rhythm, and I what I wanted to show most was how his death knocked me off mine at the time and continues to do so whenever I remember that he's dead. Thank you, for your kind words and encouraging review.

[Tex]

ah, I love that you did that... then change your authors note to say that. and Now I reiterate. Very well done!

[C.C. Marx]

Death can take a toll on those the person left behind, words cannot begin to explain how much we miss those lost and pray for there well being its hard to let go and comprehend when someone is lost, great piece

[Empty Spaces]

soooo deep in a dark morotic way beatiful