Lullaby 1

Wipe away your

tears, my child,

for we are

dead and gone.

We are free

from the hostility

and the cares

of this world.

Don't you cry,

my sweet dear.

No harm will

come to us.

We'll never again

feel pain or

grief or even

agony, you see.

Hush now, my 

love, for only

joy and happiness

await us.

Author's Note

any thoughts?

Reviews

[maurice_forgets]

Hmmmm, one suggestion. This short poem is heavy on clichéd abstraction (I guess you're able to identify what's abstract, right?). I would SHOW (with detail and specificity) rather than simply TELL or LIST things like "dead and gone," "hostility," "cares of this world," "harm will come to us," "pain or grief," "joy and happiness" . You get the idea, huh? These exact same phrases are in ten-thousand other poems.

Write the universal themes of this poem so that they could ONLY have come from your life and your experience. Don't allow your poetry to become interchangeable with ten-thousand other, similar, poems.

mf